Father faces backlash for wanting to kick out his in-laws in order to protect paralyzed son. AITA?
"AITA for wanting my in-laws move out from my house?"
Realistic-Dog-7299
I (36M) have been married to my wife, Emily (34F), for five years. We have a wonderful son, Noah (5), who is paralyzed and requires a lot of care and attention. Our lives revolve around managing his needs while also trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in our family.
Recently, Emily’s parents have hit a rough patch. They’re facing financial difficulties and have hinted at needing to move in with us. Two weeks ago, Emily brought up the idea of having them stay with us “for a little while” until they can get back on their feet.
I was taken aback because our home is already filled with the demands of caring for Noah, and I’m concerned about how adding two more adults to the mix will impact our family dynamics.
I told Emily I was hesitant because her parents can be quite overbearing and don’t always respect our boundaries. She assured me it would only be for a couple of months, and they would help out with some of the household responsibilities.
To compromise, I agreed to let them stay for one month, but I emphasized that we needed to keep our routines for Noah’s sake. Well, her parents moved in last weekend, and it’s been overwhelming.
They’ve taken over the living room, leaving their things everywhere, and they often ignore our established routines with Noah. When I tried to talk to them about it, they brushed me off, saying they’re just trying to help and that I should relax.
Last night, I found them rearranging Noah’s therapy equipment to make space for their things. I lost my cool and told them they needed to respect our home and our routines or they would need to find somewhere else to stay.
They accused me of being selfish and said that family is supposed to support each other. This led to a huge argument with Emily, where she said I was being unfair and not understanding their struggles. She believes I should be more accommodating because they’re family.
Now, I’m torn. I feel like I’m just trying to protect my son’s environment and set reasonable boundaries, but Emily insists I’m overreacting and not being supportive of her parents. So, AITA for wanting to maintain our space and routines for Noah’s sake? Or should I just let it go for the sake of family harmony?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
jimsmythee
NTA - and never let in-laws move in. They will never move out. You have to understand something. They won't be happy until they've destroyed your marriage. They won't be happy until they cost you your sanity, your dignity and tranquility.
That's what in-laws do. You need to be proactive on this situation. Anytime they need a favor from you, you defer to your wife. "Oh geez I'd love to, but I have to do something way more important first." Start cooking food they hate or are allergic to.
Get a pet that they hate or are allergic to. I have always had cats. My now ex-MIL is allergic to cats. Meant she could never move in. Start watching TV shows that they don't agree with. Make off-color jokes about the political candidate that they like.
WhoKnewHomesteading
"If you move or touch another medical supply, you will be out the same day. Items need to be where they belong so we can reach out and grab them as needed without having to see where you have moved them."
alien_overlord_1001
NTA they are guests - they shouldn’t touch anything that doesn’t belong to them without your permission. The problem is you and your wife are not a team - she seems happy for them to do whatever they want.
And is willing to compromise her marriage to accommodate them. You probably already know this, but they aren’t leaving in a month……..this fight was her already on the defensive.
NagaApi8888
NTA. "Emily, your parents are not being supportive of our household and Noah's bests interests. Why don't you tell THEM to be accommodating to NOAH'S routine and OUR space since we are doing THEM a favour? Why don't you tell your parents not to be selfish and not to just only think of themselves?"
Realistic-Dog-7299 (OP)
I might be the asshole because I insisted they leave if they couldn’t respect our home. My approach may have come off as harsh and dismissive of their struggles, and Emily believes I should support her family during this tough time. Now, I’m torn between protecting Noah’s environment and being seen as unsupportive of Emily’s parents.
CrewelSummer
NTA. Cleaning up after yourself is free. Respecting other people and their routines is free. There's no reason you should need to accommodate this behavior from them. There is nothing blocking them from being polite houseguests, they have just chosen not to be.
If family is supposed to support each other, why are they being unsupportive of your son and his needs? If family are supposed to be accommodating, why can't they accommodate your son and his routines? They told you why when they projected that on to you: they're selfish.
Kindly-Cry-4974
Absolutely NTA. Your main obligation is to your child, caring for him, providing normalacy where possible, and maintaining the routines that support his needs. Your obligation is not supporting two grown adults that can care for themselves.
If they are able to put their stuff all over and move around therapy equipment, they are not particularly physically limited, no? They are just old, retired, entitled people, being incredibly poor guests. NOT respecting boundaries especially in a house with special needs is the ultimate dealbreaker. People who don’t respect your boundaries do not respect you.
There is no family harmony to look forward to from backing down, they will continue to push more boundaries like the completely unrepentant people they have shown themselves to be. They were “helping” by moving your child’s therapy equipment and cluttering space used for medically necessary activities?! Such a dealbreaker.