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'AITA for wanting nothing to do with my sister's baby?'

'AITA for wanting nothing to do with my sister's baby?'

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"AITA for wanting nothing to do with my sister's baby?"

More-Height-1087

Long story so my apologies. Basically my mother met my step father and he took me on as his own, they then went on to have my sister (A) a year later. My mum died and my step dad kept me as his daughter and then remarried (B) when my sister was 2.

B hated me as I wasn't my dads and look a lot like my mom and eventually talked my dad into kicking me out the house in my mid teens and I went to live w my dads sister and her wife before I went off to college.

10 years later I'm married and have two children, When I was pregnant with my first A was super excited to be an auntie and came to my baby shower and everything, however once my daughter was born she never visited, I offered to go to her, meet her halfway, go do something like coffee date or beach day or something but she was always busy.

Same thing happened with my second daughter, A was a no show. We'd message all the time but when I invited her for birthdays or weekends she'd say she was coming then just not show up.

Fast forward my children are 8 and 9 years old and have never met their aunt, they don't actually know anything about her, no how are you texts for about 5 years now as I stopped reaching out because she just kept blowing us off.

My sister had her baby 4 months ago which I found out via Facebook. I didn't message her because I thought she didn't want anything to do with my kids why should I bother with hers?

I borrowed something from my dads sister and went to drop it off the other day while the kids were at school. My dad, A and B were there with A's baby. I tried to just leave but A cornered me about not congratulating her about the baby or asking how she was doing, and I said why would I you didn't do it for my kids?

She blew up at me calling me selfish, I yelled back I don't make a habit of asking after strangers babies and that's what she was to me. My dad said that we were sisters and family is supposed to be there for each other.

I'm ashamed to admit I did lose my temper with him and call him a cold hearted bastard and who was he to talk to me about family wearing his no.1 grandpa shirt when he had grandchildren he had never acknowledged?

Where I am probably the AH is this all happened in my aunt's house and in front of A's baby who was sleeping at the time but still it's not ideal to be screaming in front of an infant.

My aunt thinks I was in the right and it was a long time coming but her wife thinks I could've used this as an opportunity to reconnect as maybe now A is mature enough to be able to have a relationship with me and my kids. So AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Beneficial_Local1012

NTA. A didn't want a relationship. Not now, not ever. If she was mature enough, she could have reached out at any point. Before her pregnancy, during, after. She didn't. You accidentally bumped into her and she immediately made it into a scene. As for your dad, he deserved what you said. You don't get to preach family when you've forced part of it to leave because it was inconvenient.

The OP added:

More-Height-1087

Added for further context, this was the first time I’d seen my dad in over 10 years and first time we’d spoken since I was kicked out and there is a 4 year age gap between myself and A.

aquavenatus

That makes you even less of an AH! They only want to reach out to you now because it’s convenient for them. I bet you anything your father and your sister didn’t even know you’d be stopping by your aunt’s house! I wouldn’t let it bother you because their reactions say more about their past behaviors than yours.

Doktor_Seagull

NTA. I will never understand people who put zero effort into maintaining a relationship and then get upset when the other person gives up on them too. She's made no effort to keep in touch with you or meet your kids.

It's not your responsibility to maintain a relationship with her if she cannot/won't reciprocate. She is a stranger to you by her own choices. This is all on her. Kudos to your Aunt for being rational and identifying you as the true victim here.

I suspect your Aunt's wife means well too, but it's not your responsibility to make a reconnection at this point (if you even want one). You've already gone above and beyond, the ball is (and has been for a long time) in your sister's court.

If she wants a relationship with you, she's going to have to earn it. As for Dad, if he didn't want to hear the ugly truth of his own actions, then he should have minded his own business.

MyMedsWoreOff

NTA. Your aunt is right, it was a long time coming. They ghosted you as a teen, and now want to know why you aren't happy for them?

ProperMagician7405

NTA. Did A even tell you that she'd had a baby? From your story it sounds like you found out about that by accident via Facebook. I'd have been tempted to respond to her "To congratulate you, I'd need to have been told before now that I'd become an aunt.

As nobody thought to tell me, and considering our past history, I figured I was no longer considered family, and you weren't bothered about my thoughts on the matter." What you said to your "dad" was spot on.

The OP again responded:

More-Height-1087

She never told me herself but I knew she was pregnant from social media.

jelliclekitten

NTA. Your sister seems to think she's entitled to familial affection when she's not given you that in years. Your aunt was very correct about this being overdue.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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