More-Height-1087
Long story so my apologies. Basically my mother met my step father and he took me on as his own, they then went on to have my sister (A) a year later. My mum died and my step dad kept me as his daughter and then remarried (B) when my sister was 2.
B hated me as I wasn't my dads and look a lot like my mom and eventually talked my dad into kicking me out the house in my mid teens and I went to live w my dads sister and her wife before I went off to college.
10 years later I'm married and have two children, When I was pregnant with my first A was super excited to be an auntie and came to my baby shower and everything, however once my daughter was born she never visited, I offered to go to her, meet her halfway, go do something like coffee date or beach day or something but she was always busy.
Same thing happened with my second daughter, A was a no show. We'd message all the time but when I invited her for birthdays or weekends she'd say she was coming then just not show up.
Fast forward my children are 8 and 9 years old and have never met their aunt, they don't actually know anything about her, no how are you texts for about 5 years now as I stopped reaching out because she just kept blowing us off.
My sister had her baby 4 months ago which I found out via Facebook. I didn't message her because I thought she didn't want anything to do with my kids why should I bother with hers?
I borrowed something from my dads sister and went to drop it off the other day while the kids were at school. My dad, A and B were there with A's baby. I tried to just leave but A cornered me about not congratulating her about the baby or asking how she was doing, and I said why would I you didn't do it for my kids?
She blew up at me calling me selfish, I yelled back I don't make a habit of asking after strangers babies and that's what she was to me. My dad said that we were sisters and family is supposed to be there for each other.
I'm ashamed to admit I did lose my temper with him and call him a cold hearted bastard and who was he to talk to me about family wearing his no.1 grandpa shirt when he had grandchildren he had never acknowledged?
Where I am probably the AH is this all happened in my aunt's house and in front of A's baby who was sleeping at the time but still it's not ideal to be screaming in front of an infant.
My aunt thinks I was in the right and it was a long time coming but her wife thinks I could've used this as an opportunity to reconnect as maybe now A is mature enough to be able to have a relationship with me and my kids. So AITA?
Hi OP, first of all, you did nothing wrong here because you stood up for yourself. Obviously it will bother you because it's still fresh. The audacity of some people will never cease to amaze me.
If you're comfortable sharing, what happened with you and your dad for him to kick you out? Of course I get that B was the mastermind. A lot of men push their kids away for the new woman but he clearly didn't do that with A. Has he ever wanted to reach out to apologise? I cannot fathom taking care of a child and just dropping them.
More-Height-1087 OP responded:
My entire childhood was B just making it out like I was a bad kid, if I cried over my mom I wasn’t being grateful to B for taking care of us, any minor kid thing I did like being 5 mins late home or talking back I was extremely punished for it and had all my luxuries like tv/phone/friends taken away.
Eventually when I got to about 15 I stopped caring about what they could take away from me, I didn’t get excited for Xmas or birthday presents because they were just things that could be used to punish me and I think it scared B to see she couldn’t control me that way anymore.
The final argument was B had taken my makeup away as punishment for only getting a B- in math, and I had a huge zit on my nose so I went and got my makeup back to cover it for school and B blew up about me invading her privacy etc and told my dad that she couldn’t handle me anymore and either I left or she did and my dad told me to leave and I went to my aunts house.
Wow OP it seems like you had such a hard and sad childhood. Your mum passed then you had to live with a non bio parent who didn't to anything to continue that father daughter relationship. I cannot believe your dad would allow all of that to happen and take B's word for the 100% truth.
Did he ever try to talk to you or you to him about B's behaviour? I am so sorry you had to go through this and I hope you got all the therapy you need to be able to live a healthy life after all of that. I'm sure you'll make sure your own kids never be treated like. The audacity of those people to try to speak to you after 10 years.
Your father is really lucky your aunt is still on speaking terms with him because I wouldn't be able to speak with my brother for allowing his wife to treat you like that and for choosing his child he helped raised over a woman. It just disgusts me and I am pissed on reading your account. No child should go through this pain.
More-Height-1087 OP responded:
He used to and then B had a still born (heartbreaking but I think it added to her resentment) and my father felt guilty so tried to make her happy anyway possible
Beneficial_Local1012
NTA. A didn't want a relationship. Not now, not ever. If she was mature enough, she could have reached out at any point. Before her pregnancy, during, after. She didn't. You accidentally bumped into her and she immediately made it into a scene. As for your dad, he deserved what you said. You don't get to preach family when you've forced part of it to leave because it was inconvenient.
More-Height-1087 OP responded:
Added for further context, this was the first time I’d seen my dad in over 10 years and first time we’d spoken since I was kicked out and there is a 4 year age gap between myself and A.
aquavenatus
That makes you even less of an AH! They only want to reach out to you now because it’s convenient for them. I bet you anything your father and your sister didn’t even know you’d be stopping by your aunt’s house! I wouldn’t let it bother you because their reactions say more about their past behaviors than yours.
MyMedsWoreOff
NTA. Your aunt is right, it was a long time coming. They ghosted you as a teen, and now want to know why you aren't happy for them?
ProperMagician7405
NTA. Did A even tell you that she'd had a baby? From your story it sounds like you found out about that by accident via Facebook. I'd have been tempted to respond to her "To congratulate you, I'd need to have been told before now that I'd become an aunt.
As nobody thought to tell me, and considering our past history, I figured I was no longer considered family, and you weren't bothered about my thoughts on the matter." What you said to your "dad" was spot on.
More-Height-1087 OP responded:
She never told me herself but I knew she was pregnant from social media.
jelliclekitten
NTA. Your sister seems to think she's entitled to familial affection when she's not given you that in years. Your aunt was very correct about this being overdue.