'AITA for wanting to secretly DNA test my child? Plot twist: I'm the mother.'
"AITA for wanting to secretly DNA test my child? Plot twist: I'm the mother..."
There were complications when my son was born so they whisked him away from us for a while before we even saw him. It got really, really weird. They brought him back to us finally and it's so painful to admit but I looked at him and crystal clear thought, "whose child is this???" That thought? I've. Told. No. One. Ever.
I felt horribly guilty for that flash of a thought but I couldn't let it go. I was groggy and brainless from everything but still it sliced through my mind. They tucked a super chubby, super ruddy, super lovable and squeezable baby into my arms. But he looked nothing like any of my other kids when they were born. Or any of the other babies in the extended family.
They were all fair skinned, slim and long. He was super pudgy, darker skinned and adorable but I had a major brain disconnect when they handed him to me. Fast forward many, many years. He has no familial traits.
None of my children look anything alike but you can trace similarities between them. But I can't find any similarities between his demeanor or physical structure and the rest of the entire extended family.
Not eyes, not lips, not smile, not hands, not feet, not personality or anything else. Obvs this definitely happens to families but I've always wondered. And I love him insanely. Again, fast forward many, many years to today. He was just diagnosed with a heartbreaking disease.
It's something you would think would show up somewhere else in the family but no. So now I can't help wondering if he's not mine and whether I should secretly try to get a DNA test to see if he might be someone else's child to see if we can learn about other possible health issues.
But I don't really know what I'd do with the information. What happens if I learn he's not mine? Do I just try to get the family history? Or do I break???? Do I tell him? Do I tell the family? Do I go after the hospital? Do I f*up his life? In my state of overload, I'm guessing I'd probably unwittingly go after the hospital at the least even though I kid myself I'm a good person.
I know myself well enough to know I'd pick up the phone immediately but I hope I'd call just one person I could trust instead of drama dumping everywhere. I hope. And screw telling his dad who would treat him like he was defective. There's a reason he's an ex.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
bulgarianlily said:
Get a dna test done to see if the heart condition is genetically based, so you can look out for it with your other children. Perfectly reasonable thing to do. The fact that other things might show up is a bonus.
CrystalQueen3000 said:
NTA. Baby swaps have happened whether intentional or accidental, if you’re genuinely concerned then do the DNA test.
Nervous-Tea-7074 said:
NTA - before you do it, please go speak to a healthcare professional. Make sure you’re mentally prepared for whatever the DNA result is. If he’s yours, you may be over run with feeling’s of guilt for ever doubting or mistreatment, and if he’s not, you need to make sure you do everything that causes the least stress and anxiety.
ilikedrawingandstuff said:
NTA! This is not just about wanting to know anymore, this is about very serious health reasons. But maybe don't tell anyone about it until you get the result? And if it turns out that it was all in your head and he is your child, I wouldn't mention it to anyone but your therapist.
If you should find out this way that your baby was swapped, your next step needs to be a very hard conversation with your son, with lots of love and reassurance. Then you contact a family law specialist and take their advice. Then you very probably sue the hospital in the hopes of forcing them to reveal the other family. Where your bio child was mistakenly placed.
throwaway_ArBe said:
NTA, at this point its a medical issue so you need to get it done. Either he was switched at birth, in which case you need to get ahead of any other medical issues he might end up with, or he wasn't and the family needs to be aware of what medical issues they or descendants may end up with.
TheAlternateEye said:
NTA. Do the test. If the heart issue is genetic you need to know either way. If your suspicion is correct, contact a lawyer to figure out how to move forward.