Perfect-Lifeguard-86 writes:
My (F40) boyfriend (M39) and I took a road trip to celebrate my career milestone. I cut it short after four days, and I'm currently leaning toward ending our relationship. We planned it for 12 weeks. I covered the accommodations, and he would cover meals and fuel.
We were supposed to leave by 6 a.m. on the first day, but he didn’t show up until early in the afternoon after constantly telling me he was already on his way. I had to call him because it doesn’t take hours to get to my place. First, it was his family needing something, then he had to meet with a coworker, etc. By the time he showed up, I was furious and frustrated.
We stopped for gas, and he went to the public restroom, telling me to just fill it up (on my dime) and that he’d cover the next expense. He only paid for one meal that day and complained when I wanted some snacks.
On the third day, he wanted to meet with his ex-MIL and FIL (out of state) and pick up his daughter (17F). His daughter lives in our town. I agreed, as we had discussed her spending most of the day with us. I was weirded out when I saw she was carrying a backpack and found out (while driving) that he had invited her to stay with us (in our bedroom) without even asking me. I tried not to make a scene, but I’m sure my face said it all.
Privately, I told him he needed to pay for a separate room so she could stay with us. He blew up at me, accusing me of being two-faced and faking love for his kid. He also claimed I had agreed to let her stay over, but that’s simply not true.
I would have made arrangements for a small suite, connecting rooms, or something. Our room had no spare bed, and we had planned to be intimate every night. I wouldn’t be comfortable squeezing into bed with them, and I didn’t want her sleeping on the floor—for privacy reasons and because it wasn’t her fault.
He said I was creating problems and trying to burn a hole in his pocket. Eventually, he rented an extra room but came back 30 minutes later to grab his toothbrush and belongings to spend the night with his daughter. He slammed the door on his way out. I spent a horrible night, both hoping he would come back to work things out and feeling guilty yet deeply disrespected.
The next morning, his daughter was as nice as usual, but he gave me the silent treatment. I tried to talk to him, but he snapped that I ruined everything and killed his attraction for me.
I tried to hold myself together and avoided crying, but whenever I looked at him, he appeared angry and like he was on a power trip. I asked if we could talk later, and he buried his face in his phone. I drove his daughter back to her grandparents, then kept driving home. When he asked where I was going, I told him the road trip was canceled. I left him at his house and finished the trip alone, but I didn’t enjoy it at all.
He’s called me several times, but I haven’t answered. I’m not trying to punish him; I just don’t see the point of having a conversation with someone who said he’s no longer attracted to me. I’ve already put all his stuff in a box to return his personal belongings.
I’m very confused. We’ve had arguments like any couple, but nothing like this. I’m rethinking everything and trying to figure out if not allowing his daughter to stay in our bedroom was an insult. He has joint custody and sees her all the time. I’m also upset that he might not have planned to honor our agreement since I had to push and remind him to buy meals and fill the tank. AITA?
mmaattxx says:
NTA Your boyfriend's actions show a pattern of disrespect and lack of communication. He made major decisions (like inviting his daughter to stay overnight in your shared bedroom) without consulting you, which is a boundary issue.
His reaction anger, silent treatment, and accusing you of being two-faced was unfair and dismissive. Add to that his disregard for financial agreements during the trip and showing up late, and it’s understandable why you feel frustrated. You’re not obligated to stay in a relationship where you feel disrespected or unimportant. Trust your instincts.
sbg-sbg says:
NTA. You don't mention how long you have been with him, but his behavior was really obnoxious. Does he usually behave this way!?
OP responded:
Together almost 2 years. He's very peculiar about his family but he never did anything to take from me to give to them or treated me harshly.
Ok-Guarantee-4563 says:
NTA. WHO invites their 17year old daughter to stay the night , and doesn’t get an extra room ? He’s tossing red flags at you!