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'AITA for wanting to leave my husband after he stole from me?'

'AITA for wanting to leave my husband after he stole from me?'


"AITA for wanting to leave my husband after he stole from me?"


When I was 5 my Nana gave me her tea set. It was given to her by her mother. My Nana had no daughters of her own and I was the only girl of her 11 grandchildren so she gave it to me. It's a full bone china set.

I don't know if it has monetary value, but it's sentimental value is immeasurable. I have had it, kept it, used it for nearly 28 years. I wanted to pass it down to my own daughter or granddaughter one day. My husband knows all this.

His sister and her family came to stay with us for a week. Whenever I have little girls over I pull out my tea set for a tea party. I make tea sandwiches, scones, cakes, biscuits. My Nana made tea parties a big deal with me and I carry that on. So me, my sister in law and her daughter had an afternoon tea party.

It was a couple of weeks after that I had my friend and her daughters coming to visit. I planned a tea party. Morning of I baked, made sanwiches, went to pull my tea set out, and it was gone. I keep it in a cabinet in my kitchen. I wash it and put it away every time until the next time. I went a little mad looking for it. The visit came and went.

I spent days tearing my house apart looking for it. Every cabinet, drawer, cupboard, the whole house was turned inside out. My husband even helped me. He was insistent that it couldn't have grown feet and walked away on it's own.

That's what gets to me. He knew damn well where it was but he pretended that I had misplaced it. He knew how upset I was and tried to comfort me with promises to buy me a new set. As though a new set could replace my Nana's.

A few weeks later he came home with a cheap, thin looking set that he bought at Wallmart or something. I threw it in the bin. Call me ungrateful if you want, I don't care.

I was ungrateful. Something you treasure, something of great sentimental value given to you by your long dead Nana cannot be replaced no matter how much, or little in this case, the replacement cost.

Then I heard my husband on the phone. I heard him say that when we visit, to put it away and tell Melly not to mention it because I'm still upset about it. He didn't say the words tea set but I knew, I KNEW that's what he was talking about.

I walked in while he was still on the phone and called him a thief. He was like a deer in headlights. He quickly hung up and tried to explain. I wouldn't hear it. I told him to get it back.

His sister called me and I called her a thief. I told her to return it in the same condition she took it or I would be calling the police then I hung up on her. My husband tried reasoning with me. He told me his niece loved it so much and that kind of thing really is for little girls.

He said he was going to talk to me about leaving it to her anyway so where is the harm that she has it now. He said I was too old to be playing around with kids toys and I really should grow up. He said I was immature and it means nothing. What he meant is that it means nothing to him so I should forget it.

The next day I not only went to the police to report the theft, I also called my brother who lives in the same city as my husband's sister. My brother went around and got my tea set. My husband was livid and spent a couple of days calling me a lot of derogatory names.

His tune changed when he came home to find me packing my stuff. He stole from me, pretended he didn't know anything about it, insulted me, tried to gaslight me. Now he's saying how sorry he is, and that we can work this out. I don't think we can. I look at him and see someone who steals from me, lies to me, makes me feel small, someone untrustworthy who doesn't care about me.

Two of my brothers will be here tomorrow to help me move. I'm taking everything that means anything to me because I don't think I'll see any of it again if I leave it all with him. We can fight it out in court about the rest.

I've been told that I'm an asshole to leave him over a tea set. But it's not just a tea set. It's my Nana's history, it's my history. It's years of happy memories with her, with my mother and other female relatives, friends. He stole all that from me when he gave it away. AITA for calling it quits?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA, glad you got it back and that you know it’s time to go. Good Luck.


You’re right, good thing she knew it was time to go.

OP: he lied about this, what else has he lied about? Definitely take everything that means even a small amount to you, and let the courts decide what you can keep.

Also, do NOT drop the charges….let his family learn that stealing has consequences. I’d be petty and get the tin set from wal mart out of the trash, and send it to his sister with a return address with his name.


NTA. Your husband is an idiot. It's not about the tea set. He lied to your face, stole from you, and told his family to lie to you as well. Why did he give it away in the first place? I can't understate how idiotic that was.


NTA he intentionally chose to hurt you, not only by stealing from you and gaslighting you, but by spending DAYS degrading you for trying to get back something HE stole. He’s an AH and leaving is the best possible thing you could do for yourself.


I'd leave him so fast his head would swim. He doesn't respect you, he's a thief, he's dishonest, he has no integrity and no one who did this to you could care anything about you.

When I was really young I married a man after a whirlwind courtship and the day after we got married I had to go back to work but when I got home that night he told me that he had found a box of memorabilia that I had and because they were letters from other people he had thrown them away.

I told him if they weren't back in my house within just a few hours he could get the f*** out of my house. They were in the dumpster as we were living in an apartment and he did get everything back. I had lost all respect for him at that point and didn't know how things were going to turn out and I ended up divorcing him 6 months later.


NTA. A tea set is not a toy, nor is it only something for little girls. I am so happy that you got it back. Out of curiosity, what did his sister say about all of this? I mean, she obviously knew that it was given to her without your consent.

And your husband obviously knew what he did was wrong, which led to the lying and gaslighting. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and leaving him. Lord only knows what other bullshit he'd get up to if you stayed.

Edit to add - please get the set appraised. If it's a complete set with all the cups, saucers, plates, tea pot, creamer, sugar, etc. it'll be worth a lot. And that's before you consider that it's probably at least 80 years old. If you are going to press charges on your husband for the theft, this will help to bump up the severity.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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