'AITA for wanting to still play video games after being married?' 'I should find a new hobby.'
"AITA for 'wanting to still play video games' after being married?"
I recently moved to Germany to be with my husband. Hence, I have left everything I didn’t need or couldn’t bring — which of course included my gaming PC. My husband knows I’ve been to gaming ever since. However, recently he has made me feel the need to move on from it.
His POV:
Gaming does not help us in the future. I kind of understand what he’s saying — cause literally it won’t help us financially or whatever.
I should find a new hobby that will help us in the future (?)
My POV: I barely speak German, the weather is bad here. And gaming makes me feel less homesick. This has been my hobby ever since and I enjoy doing it. Period. That’s it. I’ve settled for playing on my MAC until it wouldnt charge anymore.
Hence I found the perfect opportunity to replace it with a new rig, but my husband again is saying “how can this help us?”
What I don’t understand: Does everything we do in life have to “help” us? Can’t we entertain the thought that people have hobbies and other interests? Can’t we accept the fact that although we are married, we are still 2 different individuals? Who have separate hobbies and interests?
I wanted to buy the rig and not tell him and just come home with it, but I wanted to include him in the process. So I told him I wanted to and instead did not get the emotional support or validation I was hoping for. So now I am upset.
He has hobbies and interests too, but I have done nothing but cheer him on and support him. My mentality is — life is too short not to enjoy the little things that make you happy. When I tell him how I feel, he brushes me off saying he does not want to argue with a 10 year old. :)
I love him. And despite it all, I know he loves me. Just not the way I need to be loved I guess. Oh in addition to this, he has a PC. When I asked him for the password he said he gave to me before (I don't remember thats why I ask) but he doesnt give it directly.
Thus making me feel like he just doesnt want to let me borrow? He also says I should just play with the PS5? BUT I’m not a console gamer. I don't enjoy it HENCE it makes me feel like THAT is a waste of time. Am I the ahole for wanting to play video games as a married woman? Should I just make my life about being a wife and a future mom?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JoyousZephyr said:
What hobbies does HE have that "will help you in the future?" It sounds like he's being super-controlling, assuming that you aren't glued to the game all day.
SmackoftheGods said:
NTA. I've had friends SO into gaming that it hurt their relationships, but a healthy amount of gaming is fine. Not every hobby has to "help us." It's a hobby. Not everything has to be pragmatic.
I don't really understand this whole dynamic. He only wants you to participate in hobbies that help you, but he's fine with you playing on your MAC or the PS5? But then he won't give you the password to his PC and won't let you get your own...?
That's weird and inconsistent. Sounds to me like he just doesn't want you to have an PC. "I've been into gaming ever since." Ever since what...?
Fun_Breakfast697 said:
NTA. He's incredibly rude and controlling. It might just be coming out now that you're married and in a new country where you don't speak the language and know no one but him. Right now, you are isolated and vulnerable. "I don't want to argue with a 10 year old" is a really gross way to talk to your adult wife!
ZelaAmaryills said:
NTA, video games do help you, it helps you relax and destress while having fun. Studies also show it helps with reaction time, hand eye coronation, problem solving and spatial awareness.
But beyond all that. A hobby isn't supposed to help you in the future...it's a form of enjoyment to enrich your life. Only doing things that benefit you might be good if you wanted to min max life but that feels sad and soulless to me.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA, and he's incredibly controlling and dismissive of your wishes. Not every pastime has to be revenue-generating. He considers video gaming to be something you outgrow. That's not a view shared by the majority of adults, most particularly not by the adults who met and married each other because they met over a video game.
Berating you and dismissing you as the equivalent of a 10 year old are big red flags. Give some serious thought to this relationship. You've made a big investment by moving to a different country for him.
Don't let that dissuade you or cause you to rationalize this relationship. You're not yet stuck here. Be really sure that this is definitely what you want for the rest of your life before you allow yourself to be tied to him by children.
waifu_ontherun said:
NTA. You're husband is very goal oriented. Just tell him you'll start streaming videos game when comfortable enough, maybe it'll be "useful for us" as he said