'AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home during our DnD night?'

"AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home?"

A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, “Sarah”, asked if her friend “Anne” could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities. I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed.

She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I'm sorry but if she can't make it to the next proposed session, she won't be in long campaigns (still welcome to join one-shots). She apologized and said she'll make it.

She made it. But brought her toddler without asking.

As soon as they came the kid needed to use the bathroom. He made a mess since he can't fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that's fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her and she started being a bit on edge.

We finally sat down at the table and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap. But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks.

The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them, I was telling Anne no because it's not safe, she told me he's gentle and doesn't put stuff in his mouth- we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum. After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I make the table safer.

She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain looking papers, pens and paper cups. I also did my best to calm down as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point. They came back and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water.

Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: “Ignore the dog,” they were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled "DOGGY," Anne put him down "to say hi",,he made a full speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling. I stopped him by stepping out in front of him, he ran into me, fell down and started crying.

Anne started screaming at me, I screamed back, and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled. The rest stayed, it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun and they even stayed for the night.

I then woke up to the local fb groups and people's instagram stories calling me a controlling AH, saying I'm "discriminating" against various players, being too strict and "have a dangerous dog." To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I've been friends with for years, is not speaking to me. So, AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Cat772 wrote:

NTA. Anne, on the other hand, AH. I’m not feeling too fond of Sarah either. Surely she could have shot you a text of warning that the kid was coming.

wesmorgan1 wrote:

Speaking as a player and back-in-the-day DM (dating back to original D&D and AD&D 1e) - there's no real way to childproof a DnD match with dice, figurines, counters, and all the rest, not to mention drinks/food and whatnot. It's unreasonable to show up with a toddler and expect everyone else to adjust, especially if the DM has spent time and effort preparing the game.

Speaking as a father of 4 - If you're a guest in someone else's home, you don't let your kid roam free. If your kid throws a tantrum, it's your job to get them away from others and deal with it. If your kid can't use a toilet properly, it's your job to clean up. If you're told to stay away from the dog, it's your job to keep your kid away from the dog. You are absolutely NTA.

MaleficentWeb3064 wrote:

NTA. There were SO many options for Anne. If childcare wasn't an option for her, she should have let you know ahead of time, shown up early to prepare a toddler area (meaning bringing baby gates, or a play tent, or other childproofing things with activities) so that she could participate in dnd while ensuring her child was safe and as non-disruptive as possible. She didn't do any of that!

My only note is that once you accepted the child was going to be in your home for a few hours, you should have gone over the dog rules again and created a plan to make sure your dog still had access to water/bathroom/etc without getting near the kid.

It was Anne's responsibility to manage her child, and it was your responsibility to manage your dog. When the plan changed to accomodate Anne and the kid, you needed to change the dog plan to ensure EVERYONE was safe.

NotCreativeAtAll16 wrote:

NTA. If she couldn't find childcare, the least she should have done is reach out to you to make sure she can bring her toddler to your house. The second she didn't want to clean up after her kid is when I would have kicked her out, but she should never have brought him without clearing it with you first.