'AITA for yelling at my Aunt after she let my parents see my kids against my wishes?'

"AITA for yelling at my Aunt after she let my parents see my kids?"

I'm (26M) bi and when I was 15 I was dating one of my soccer teammates who was an ab-sive POS who outed me to my homophobic parents after I worked up the nerve to leave him. They subsequently kicked me out and I "survived" in the streets for almost 2 years until my Aunt found out about me when she came home from tour and took me in.

She helped me get back in school and graduate an then to get in college. I met my wife there and we have twin boys (4M). My dad found out he was dying of cancer. He and my mom having been trying to get back in touch with me to reconcile and meet their grandkids. I've rejected them so far even though my Aunt urges me to try to reconnect.

I told her no and I didn't even want them near my boys.. Me and my wife went out for our anniversary Saturday and my Aunt was watching the kids. My wife wasn't feeling well and we decided to call it an early night and I forgot to call my Aunt before we got there...I pull up and I notice my parents car. Confused we get out and go in and theirs my parents playing with my son's in the living room.

To say I was furious is an understatement. I immediately asked what the hell is going on. My wife tried to calm me down to no avail. She takes the boys to the car. My parents start talking about how they just wanted to meet them and I yell at them to get out. My Aunt says I'm not being fair to them. That they've tried to apologize for what happened.

I yell at her that it wasn't her place to let them and how it hurt seeing them. I yell at her about how our family basically excommunicated her when she came out. She starts crying explaining that they just showed up at he house. She starts saying she wished she made up with her brother (my dad) and my grandparents years ago if she had the chance and I'm being selfish knowing my dad is dying.

I didn't know what to say after that and just left.

My wife says I was being unfair to my Aunt if they did just show up and that maybe my Aunts right. She also thinks I shouldny have yelled at her like that after all she did for me...AITA here?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Chilling_Storm wrote:

Your aunt should not have let your parents in to meet your children even if they showed up unannounced. Just because someone is knocking doesn't mean they get entry. She could have told them that yes she is watching your children but it is not for her to be making unilateral decisions.

And just because she wishes she had made up with someone is no reason for her to foist that upon you, that decision is yours and yours alone. NTA And I am sorry this happened to you, it had to be very unsettling. (((hugs)))

SleepyTomCats wrote:

NTA. No way they just happened to show up on the very night your aunt is watching them for you and even if they did she should have said they couldn't come in without clearing it with you first.

OhDONCHAknoww wrote:

NTA. What happened: Your Auntie has a big heart and big hearts bleed into areas they don’t belong as well. Most people’s greatest strength is also their weakness.

Parents: I am sure they regret what they did and genuinely want to meet your kids.

You: Clearly made the decision to not attempt a repair, as your parents literally abandoned you. As a gay dude, I know the dangers and it’s absolutely disgusting that they did this. This would’ve TRIGGERED me so hard, like a panic attack.

Wife: Scared of your reaction and also probably wants to help heal wounds

I do think you need to apologize to your aunt and set boundaries

You need to calm yourself down and explain things further to your wife and apologize.

Your parents missed out on being grandparents the day they kicked you out. Trying to surprise reconciliation is cowardice and a half ass step at best, trying to force your hand. Gl m8.

CivilAsAnOrang wrote:

NTA. Your Aunt is lying. She knew. That said, she is probably understandably struggling with the thought of her brother dying. So, if I were you, I’d allow limited communication with her, but no alone time with the kids and she is not allowed to harass you about your parents.

As to them “trying to apologize,” who cares? Does their apology travel back in time and undo what they did? Only children think saying “sorry” is enough for every wrong done.

kharmatika wrote:

NTA. You had EVERY right to be angry at your aunt, what she did was absolutely unacceptable. Her trauma is no excuse for disregarding your wishes. And I don't buy for a second that they just HAPPENED to show up the one time you and your wife were out.

You don't have to cut her off, inb4 a bunch of people screeching that no contact is the only option. She's family and clearly she's been through hell and this was clearly a trauma reaction, but you are NOT TA. Tell her she needs to get help so that her trauma doesn't bleed out onto your family ever again.

Maybe you shoudn't have yelled, not because it wasn't an appropriate response, but just cuz it's not effective communication and your kids are there. Still NTA tho. Just always try to provide feedback so people can learn and grow.

Grandmapatty64 wrote:

My question is how would they have known your aunt was watching the children unless she called them and told them. Listening to what your wife saying makes me wonder if she was complicit as well. You need to find out what’s going on for sure and make sure that this shit doesn’t happen again.

No one has the right to allow someone to see children when the parents say no. Sure they wanna see your kids and be grandparents now but let either kid grow up to be gay and what’s the reaction gonna be then?