'AITA for giving my brother's girlfriend training chopsticks without asking?'
"AITA for giving my brother's girlfriend training chopsticks without asking?"
My(14M) brother's(17M) girlfriend(17F) came over for dinner at our house tonight. My parents are from Taiwan and at home we normally eat with chopsticks. This is my first time meeting my brother's girlfriend, she's white and I wasn't trying to be rude or anything but when I was setting the table I just handed her training chopsticks.
She looks at me confused and then says thank you. I continue to set the table like nothing is wrong. We all finally sit down to eat and as we are about to eat my sister(19F) asked my brother's girlfriend if she used chopsticks before and if she needed a fork.
My brother's girlfriend said "I'm actually pretty good with chopsticks! I was just given training ones for some reason" and when the entire room all at once looks at me I truly mean ALL AT ONCE.
I then say "What? It was a logical assumption" my mom gets up and gets her regular chopsticks and after dinner my mom told me I'm embarrassing and she probably thinks we hate her now.
The internet had lots of thoughts about the situation.
mygluvrda wrote:
I mean, it's a weird assumption. And condescending. Like "this dumb non east asian girl probably wouldn't know what chopsticks are, I will give her what we give kids under 8", sounds good to you?
Non east Asian people enjoy your foods all around the world and we do learn to use chopsticks along the way. A better way to go about this was to ask. "Hey are you okay with chopsticks? Or do you prefer something else." Simple as that.
Edit: Okay this is getting a lot of attention. I never mentioned racism. I'm not attacking OP, he's a kid, that's why I gave an example for a better solution. I just presented how it comes off especially after he replies to the family that "it's a logical assumption."
Training chopsticks are typically for KIDS, that's why it's condescending, he could have just asked her what she prefers. How would you guys feel about being given children plastic utensils?? NAH, just because you're young and could learn.
Edit3: wow so many edits, but let's make things clear, I am not white, I am not American. And I don't think this is racism. Being offended as white people and calling OP r@cist is weird behavior please sit down, you're doing too much. + Blocked the white weirdo who keeps screaming under my comments.
Edit4: Last edit, ignoring this post from now on, anyone who will ride the comments to justify how this is r@cism towards white people you will be blocked from this thread. Ridiculous and uneducated, as if the white man needs one more weapon to use against POC. "R@cism r@cism!" Stfu. Ffs sake the kid was being a jerk about utensils, touch some grass.
lordmwahaha wrote:
YTA. I am the only white person I know who struggles with chopsticks - it’s actually a skill that most people seem to have. Like I get made fun of for not being able to do it. You made an assumption when you should have asked. And it came across quite rude. Plenty of white people can use chopsticks.
EDIT: Some people have correctly called me out for saying “most people can use chopstick” (even though tbh, I did say “seem to have”, because I was talking about my own experience and not trying to make a blanket claim). It is, in fact, more regional than that. In MY area, in a predominately white country, it’s unusual to not be able to use chopsticks.
That may not be the case everywhere, and it’s valid to point that out. With that said, my original point still stands. She COULD use them, in this case, and OP should have asked instead of just assuming. Just in general I think it’s really rude to assume that someone does not know how to do something when you haven’t actually asked.
verminiusrex wrote:
Technically YTA but your age and the sheer comedy of the situation makes the whole thing a learning experience and nothing more. Next time don't assume, ask if someone is comfortable with chopsticks.
Green-Froyo-755 wrote:
If you were unsure you could have asked or just left options at the table for her to choose! I cannot use chopsticks and would be grateful of an option I can use, however by just putting out the training ones you made an assumption that made your guest feel uncomfortable and compromised.
The correct option would be to enquire, I’m guessing you’ve got a tongue in your head, the second best option would be to put either option there for the table, yes even if it meant putting out forks / spoons alongside everyone’s plate.
The worst option is the one you chose. I would apologise, make sure next time you have a quiet word and just say “hey are you comfortable with chopsticks or would you like another option?”
Personally I struggle with dyspraxia so chopsticks are a nightmare for me and you’d probably laugh your head off if you saw me trying to use them and be horrified by my cutlery choices but it is what it is and I’m quite happy to use the easiest method to get the food to my mouth without making a mess.
However saying that I’d be pretty miffed if the whole table was handed chopsticks and I a training pair. Just think how you would feel if when dining at her home everyone was given a steak knife and a fork and your food came pre cut, or the rest of the table were handed a fork and you a spoon?
liughts wrote:
As a fellow Chinese I find this hilarious but also, you’re kinda TA 😂 you’re only 14 so I would let it slide ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Anntchrist wrote:
YTA. How would you feel if you went to her house and she put a set of children's silverware at your seat? Plenty of people can use multiple types of silverware, even white people raised by white people, and you were insulting to her even if you didn't intend it. If you don't know if someone can use chopsticks, either ASK or give them both chopsticks and western silverware.