'AITA for giving my sister an ultimatum after she refused to pull her weight and drained my savings?'

"AITAH for giving my sister an ultimatum after she refused to pull her weight and drained my savings?"

So, me (25F) and my sister (29F) decided to move in together about a year ago. I thought it would be a great idea because we always got along growing up, and honestly, I was looking forward to spending more time with her as adults.

We agreed upfront that we’d split everything groceries, toiletries, utilities down the middle. Sounds fair, right? Well, things didn’t exactly turn out that way. At first, I didn’t notice anything major, but over time, it became clear that she wasn’t holding up her end of the deal. She eats everything.

Like, everything. I’d buy groceries, stock the fridge with stuff for both of us, and within days, it’d all be gone. Soda? She drinks the whole pack. Snacks? She finishes them in one sitting. Toiletries? She uses mine and never buys more. At first, I tried not to let it get to me because I figured maybe she was just going through a rough patch or something.

But then it just...never stopped. I kept running out to buy more stuff groceries, shampoo, even toilet paper because she’d use it all and wouldn’t replace anything. I brought it up casually a few times, but she always brushed me off, saying stuff like, “Oh, I’ll get it next time,” or “You’re so good at shopping, I’ll just pay you back later.” Spoiler: she never did.

Fast forward to now, and my savings are basically gone. I’ve been covering almost everything for the house because I can’t stand living without basic stuff like food or soap. When I finally sat her down and told her this wasn’t working, she just rolled her eyes and said, “You’re better at managing money than me, anyway.”

Like, what does that even mean? I told her I couldn’t keep doing this and gave her an ultimatum: either start contributing, or we stop sharing everything. Groceries, toiletries, even cleaning supplies we’d each buy our own and keep things strictly separate. She completely flipped out. She said I was being “selfish” and “controlling” and accused me of putting money over family.

She even said I was making her feel unwelcome in her own home which, by the way, is a place I’m mostly paying for. Now she’s barely talking to me, and things are super tense around the house. I feel bad because I don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I also can’t keep letting her walk all over me. So, AITAH for giving her the ultimatum and setting boundaries?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Candid_Process1831 wrote:

NTA! If she doesn't cover here part of the expenses cut her of and let here get her own shit she is the AH for taking advantage of you!

OP responded:

I will have to cut here of if she doesn't step up to our agreement I just can't afford it.

ladypreciouss wrote:

Nah, you’re not TA. Like, she’s literally mooching off you and acting like you’re her personal ATM. Setting boundaries ain’t selfish, it’s just basic respect. If she can’t step up, that’s on her, not you. Stay firm, sis!

Old_Cheek1076 wrote:

Sounds like the two of you aren’t compatible as roommates. You should start to consider what your other options are. NTA.

OP responded:

Yeah looks like it!

ZainabSweetie wrote:

NTA. You were more than patient with her, and it’s not “selfish” to expect basic respect and responsibility in a shared living situation. You’re not her personal bank or grocery store, and it’s completely reasonable to expect her to pull her weight.

She’s not contributing, draining your savings, and making excuses—of course you had to set boundaries. If she can’t understand that, then that’s on her. You’ve tried everything else, and it’s not controlling to ask for fairness. If she wants a family relationship, she needs to act like it.

inellmcalla wrote:

NTA. You’ve been more than patient with her and have tried to work things out, but she’s taking advantage of your generosity. It’s not selfish or controlling to expect her to pull her weight when you’re covering all the costs.

She’s not respecting the agreement you made, and it’s draining your savings. Setting boundaries isn’t just fair, it’s necessary. If she wants to keep living together, she needs to contribute. You’re not the problem here—she is. You have every right to protect your finances and your peace.

Opposite_Ad_5337 wrote:

NTA. She isn’t holding up her end of the bargain. Just make sure you lock up the stuff you buy so she can’t get to it.

OP responded:

If my sister doesn't start buying groceries and other stuff she uses she definitely won't touch my stuff again.

Fickle_Toe1724 wrote:

Put a keyed lock on your bedroom door. Put everything you bought in your room. Even groceries that do not need refrigeration. Get a small toe for taking your toiletries to the bathroom and back to your bedroom. If you have much time left on the lease, look at getting a small fridge for your room.

Do not, under any circumstances, renew the lease with your sister on it.

If she wants to throw a fit, let her. If she touched you, tell her you WILL call the p-lice. And follow through. She sees you as an ATM, not a person. Cut her off.

Overrice2524 wrote:

She using DARVO.

Get a lockbox and keep all your supplies and food in it. Don't feel bad - she did this not you. Tell her you want $100 a month or she can shop for herself.

18k_gold wrote:

Tell her she is correct and going forward she can buy everything to share. This way she won't be putting money over family. Make her a list of things to buy. In the meantime you buy your stuff and hide it in your room and make sure there is a lock and key for your room. Buy a small fridge for your room and put your snacks and some groceries in there.

Then when she wants food and sees there is nothing, ask her why hasn't she gone shopping yet as you gave her a list of stuff to buy? Money isn't a problem for her as family comes first.