My dad dumped my mom while she was pregnant with me and he wasn't in my life for the first two years and avoided paying child support. I think this is the only reason he did eventually go for custody and worked on getting approved for 50/50 custody. Took him almost two years but he did it. From the ages of 4 to 10 the 50/50 custody schedule was in place.
When I (16m) was 8 he married his wife, who had three kids. They also had one together when they got married. We all lived in a tiny two bedroom house. I was the oldest. They had another two while I was still there and all of us kids were in one bedroom. The babies were placed with us as babies. My dad's stepkids resented me because I got to be somewhere else half the time.
I also used to sneak in food from mom's (she helped me) and sometimes when the other kids found it we'd fight because they wanted me to "share" which, with three of them, would mean I'd get nothing.
CPS was called a couple of times but did nothing. Until they were called while I was there and they saw how bad the space was.
My mom reached out with her own concerns and when my dad and his wife rejected the help they were offered, mom used a report from CPS to get full custody of me again. At first the courts tried to give my dad daytime visitation but eventually that visitation was taken off the table.
I didn't keep in touch with my dad's household after that. A year ago a couple of my half siblings showed up outside my school to meet me and wanted a relationship. They're young (9ish and 7ish) so I tried to be nice while not trying to lead them on. I don't want a relationship. I could at any point.
My mom would try to help. But I have zero desire for a relationship with any of them. A couple of weeks ago I got home and found some mail for me. Opened it up and inside was an invite to a birthday party for one of my half siblings and inside the invite was a note from my dad trying to shame and guilt me into showing "for the kids."
I wrote "go f yourself" in the note and mom sent it back with the invite. My dad then came to our house and yelled at my mom for what I had done and then he confronted me a few days later about doing that where the kids would have seen it if they'd opened it first.
He said I was a sh--ty, petulant kid who never appreciated anything. I asked him why he wasn't at work to provide for all those kids he has and leaving me alone because the best thing that ever happened to me was getting him out of my life. Then one of his stepkids tried to give me s--t in school because of it, that I had made life at dads worse for everyone. AITA?
yungeel wrote:
NTA - he’s never been a good or present father to you and now he thinks it’s within his rights to tell you/ guilt you into doing things. This just sounds like your breaking point with him. It’s understandable to be fed up. I feel bad for the half siblings because they’re innocent in all of this and continue to be subject to his shitty parenting.
However, you have no obligation to fulfill any role in his family. You have your own mental well being to worry about. I’m sorry you went through all of this. Put your energy into the healthy relationships in your life.
OP responded:
The breaking point happened before. But this was where I said to hell with it and if he won't leave me alone after everything then he needs to how I actually feel about him. He's an awful father and I know he never cared about me. Healthy relationships is where my focus has been. I have a lot of people I love, thankfully, and I have good people in my life. I'm lucky in that way. Plus I have the best mom.
BurntEggTart wrote:
NTA. He has too many kids to provide for and you got left out in the shuffle, your feelings are valid. The guilt and shame is a nice touch from him. It could have been a "I am sorry for all the mistakes I made, and I would like to build a better relationship", but it was more emotional manipulation. I agree, f him.
OP responded:
He wasn't really providing for any of us. I was just lucky to have a mom who wanted me and loved me and did everything she could for me. An apology from him would honestly shock me so much I might faint. I know he'll never regret being a sh--ty dad.
Asher_Dales wrote:
NTA. He's a failure of a father and hasn't tried to be anything other than that. He's a grown ass adult trying to dump blame on his kid. He only gets to have what the courts decide until you become of age then you can go NC and put him in your past. Don't need that type of negativity in your life.
OP responded:
I was already no contact. He had no visitation with me left at this point and still tried to pull this crap.
C_Majuscula wrote:
NTA. Probably not your best moment, but far from AH territory considering the background. I would recommend you do not engage with any of them from now on. Return mail to sender, block him and steps everywhere.
OP responded:
My social media accounts are locked down so they can't contact me there.
Life-Weird1959 wrote:
NTA. But be gentle with the little half sibs.
OP responded:
I try to make sure we don't see each other. I don't want to give them what they want (a relationship) so I feel like it's better that way.
PumpkinPowerful3292 wrote:
NTA - I like your style. Exactly what I would have done. The only difference is I would have prefaced it with, 'Go find a fire hydrant, sit on it and then what you said. It is all he deserved. What a lousy father. Too bad for his kids, but that's something you has nothing to do with.