'AITA for being upset about my husband's best friend's snarky comments?'
"AITA for being upset about my husband's best friend's snarky comments?"
For context, my husband’s best friend (let’s call him “Jake”) lives with us. He pays a small amount in rent (about 1/4 of what it’s worth), helps out by watering my plants (I pay for all the supplies), and feeding my cat (I buy the food—my cat just likes hanging out in the upstairs area where Jake lives). Jake also works with my husband, and I recently started working there as well.
Recently, I got sick and was sent home from work for a week. After a few days, I was feeling well enough to head into the office briefly to sort out some work and then head back home to rest. This was cleared with my boss beforehand.
When I was getting ready to leave, I went to say goodbye to my husband. Jake was there too and made a snarky comment along the lines of, “You must understand how this looks to everyone that works here, and if you’re sick, you should stay home and not come in.”
This really rubbed me the wrong way. Jake isn’t in any kind of authority over my position, and this isn’t the first time he’s made comments when I’ve been allowed to leave work early due to personal circumstances. I feel like it’s overstepping, especially since my boss had no issue with me coming in briefly.
Now I’m wondering: AITA for going home early with permission, or for being upset about Jake’s comments?
EDIT: I have pneumonia so its not contagious and "Jake" and I don't work in the same department.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Current-Name1334 wrote:
NTA. He should have kept that to himself. It was rude. But just to try to understand his side, are you working in the same department? Is he being affected by you being off with a workload increase?
Does he hate his job and is just jealous you're off and he's not? Is what you have contagious, and he's worried about getting sick and missing work himself? None of these really matter. What he said is still rude. I'm just wondering if it's coming from somewhere.
OP responded:
We work in different departments, im in admin he is in sales. So he isn't affected by the work load, I have pneumonia so its not contagious. He always complains about me being able to leave earlier then him, I leave at 3 some days because I have to fetch my children from school. He is a single man with no children so no personal responsibility to fetch children.
NTA Jake is rude and condescending. He is also indebted to you living in your home at a discounted rate. Your health and attendance is none of his business. I would tell your husband what happened and have him talk to him- I'm surprised he didn't stick up for you at the time. Try and limit contact with him as much as you can. He sounds toxic.
OP, what does your husband say about his best friend's comments in your home? Jake's not your boss, and your boss approves your work schedule. Does your husband defend you? It's time for Jake to go.
OP responded:
Husband defends sometimes but is also of the belief that I should stick up for myself. He didn't say anything at the moment at work but I do hope they will have a chat on the way home from work about it.
Personally, I'd tell my husband he can either handle his friend himself or you will handle him and he doesn't get to complain about how you do so. Then straight up tell dude that he can either keep his jealous comments to himself or he can find himself looking for new housing because you will not be putting up with his commentary any longer.
You do not need to tell him you got the ok from your boss. Dude is not your boss, you don't owe him any explanation for what you do ever.
It is infectious for a bit. How long did you stay home and have you been given antibiotics?
Edit: My apologies, he’s sharing the same home as you isn’t he?? Has he stayed away from you there? If not, then he’s the AH and wanted to bring it up at work possibly to embarrass you.
OP responded:
I had finished my first course and started my second one just to clear up the rest of it. I also work in an office alone away from the so I'm not in their faces during the day.
Yeah I just edited my comment as I reflected on the absurdity of him bringing it up in the workplace like that. I’m sorry it’s taking another round of meds. NTA. I hope you feel MUCH better very soon 😊
OP responded:
Thank you
I may get some back lash for this but something doesn’t add up. You tell your boss (manager) you are sick and he sends you home for a week? How do either of you know in advance it will take a week to feel better? And then you are well enough to go into the office to get some work done and then leave. And you often leave work early for personal reasons.
If I had a co-worker who did this I would find it annoying or entitled.
She’s got pneumonia. I guarantee that a week off is the minimum she would need and she might then feel well enough to do very short hours. Although having recently been through a bout of pneumonia I needed two weeks off and I was three months before I was back to full strength.
OP responded:
Correct, I was booked off for a week by the doctor, on day 5, so the day before i go back to work, I go in for a few hours, (2 max) to do some admin and then leave. I am still not 100% but i can at least breathe now. When i leave early its to fetch children and go home and make dinner for everyone including Jake who eats with us at night time.
Tell him straight up that he is overstepping. I would also strongly consider the fact that he feels comfortable enough to do so -all while benefitting from your good nature in housing him. That's a big offense imo. I would tell him that he needs to figure out other living arrangements and give him a time limit. It won't stop his attitude at work but at least you won't be feeding the mouth that bites you.
Edited to ask... What is your husband's reaction? He needs to tell his buddy to stfu...
OP responded:
husband thinks i should fight my own battles. which is its own can of worms