'AITA for grounding my stepdaughter for selling my formal dress without asking me?'
"AITA for grounding my stepdaughter for selling my formal dress?"
I 37F have a stepdaughter, Amy, 16F. Amy was looking for formal dresses, and I mentioned that I have my old formal dresses. She picked my old prom dress to wear, and she has kept it in her wardrobe since wearing it at prom.
I don't fit in my old dresses anymore, and I kept them and some other clothes to hand down to my kids, however, I have two sons who aren't interested. Since my nieces, 15F and 13F are interested in my clothes, I planned to give them the rest once they were old enough to fit them.
Amy left her earbuds in her sweatpants pocket and turned on the washing machine. When she asked for new ones, me and her dad told her to save up to buy new ones (she works part time) as she wanted an expensive brand new pair and not the wired earphones I had offered.
Amy went to stay with her mom, and when she got back, she had the new earbuds she wanted, so I asked if her mom had bought them for her, and she said she had resold my dress on a second-hand site and bought herself the earphones. The dress is 100% silk, one of a kind, and the brand doesn't exist anymore. I was really upset to hear she had sold my dress, without even asking.
I confiscated her earbuds and told her I would give them back when she repaid me the cost of what she sold the dress for. My husband thinks I am being too harsh, as I wasn't explicit on whether I was lending or giving her the dress. Amy has gone to live with her mom since and thinks I am being unfair. I am not sure if I have taken it too far and if I should stand my ground.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Advanced-Weird8597 wrote:
The way I read your story, it sounds like your SD believed you gave her the dress, and therefore she sold her dress. Obviously that was not your intention, however the moment to clarify that it was a loaner has long past.
You’re an adult who understand the sentimental value of an item; she’s a child who needs materialistic things; you both will never see eye to eye on this situation (at this time in her life).
Have a conversation, alone, with Amy about how you did not intend for her to have the dress as it had sentimental value to you and you are upset and disappointed in her actions. Give the earbuds back. Move on.
Own-Heart-7217 wrote:
YTA. If you did not make it clear you wanted the dress back, YTA! Why didn't you take the dress back from her after prom? You let her keep your dress in her closet because you yourself was not sure what you said to her. Did you say borrow the dress and return it or did you say go ahead you can have it? Since you didn't tell us in your post, I bet you can't recall.
SuperiorityComplex87 wrote:
NTA. And I really hate to bring this up but do you think it's worth noting that this all went down when Amy was at her mother's house? Mum obviously saw the prom dress when she wore it to prom, right? Did mum help facilitate the sale? Was it her idea? Did she get a cut? Was she the buyer? These are the crazy questions that now exist because of Amy's actions.
Front-Palpitation wrote:
NTA damn you lent her a sentimental irreplacable dress and she sells it behind your back???? Just entitlement and straight up disrespect. Doesn't matter if you didn't say the words "this is a loan", like isn't it basic decency to not sell something that doesn't belong to you and you didn't pay for??? Grounding her is teaching her that actions have consequences. Stand your ground!!!!
anonymous_ghost wrote:
NTA: I'd hate to assume this was any sort of retaliation, but we will never know. Simple thing would have been for her to have a conversation with you regarding if you wanted it back or not. To which I'm sure you'd told her no at that time. I think it's important to teach kids responsibility.
Too many kids these days don't have that and hold a sense of entitlement. As far as her dad, your husband, he needs to get on that boat with it. Hopefully, further conversation with him can create a better understanding of where your head is about the situation. It's important you both are on the same page about allowing the continued behavior.
-SnowQueen- wrote:
NTA. Wow, is Amy a piece of work. When she broke her earbuds, you offered to replace them with a wired pair, when you had no obligation to give her anything at all. To get what she wanted, she sold your beautiful silk prom dress -- and she knew that it wasn't hers to sell. That's why she never breathed a word about the listing.
Amy sounds like a selfish, manipulative brat to me, and my punishment would likely have been more onerous than seeking repayment for the dress. You are a better person than both me and Amy.
detail_giraffe wrote:
YTA, if you genuinely didn't tell her that you were just lending her this dress. Who lends a teenager an item of clothing that is valuable and "one of a kind" and doesn't make it clear it's a loan and ask for it back immediately afterwards?
If it was clear to her that it was a loan, NTA. But if someone let me take an item of clothing that was too small for them, wear it to a party like prom where it could get damaged, and never asked for it back, I'd probably assume it was mine too. And if it was hers, it was her right to sell it. What did she say when you confronted her? Did she say that, in her understanding, you had given her the dress?
notrightnowmeowthx wrote:
Why would she ask to sell something that she thought you'd given her? You don't describe any reason to believe that she was being malicious by selling it. For that reason I'm going with YTA.
If this was some spoiled evil stepdaughter, I'm sure you would have made that plenty clear. It was just a misunderstanding. An unfortunate one, but a misunderstanding nonetheless, and it's just a dress. That's right, it's just a dress. Don't be overdramatic about it, it really isn't important in the grand scheme of things.