'AITA for having a go at my BF after he ate the last of my food?' UPDATED
"AITA for having a go at my BF after he ate the last of my food?"
So, my boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) went to a restaurant for only our second time eating out together. This week has been really rough at work, and I asked him to go out for food, saying I needed a pick-me-up.
I mentioned I wasn't super hungry since I had already eaten, but I was really looking forward to having some dumplings and soup—I even talked about how excited I was for the dumplings during the drive there.
When we ordered, I made it clear that I only wanted four dumplings and some soup. My boyfriend ordered two large mains for himself since he has a bigger appetite. When the food arrived, I shared my soup with him and tasted a bite of his food, but I was mostly focused on my dumplings. When my dumplings came, I ate one before I needed to run to the bathroom.
When I got back, he had eaten both of the remaining dumplings! I was really upset because I had been looking forward to them and only got to eat one. I told him how disappointed I was and called him selfish, saying he never thinks of me. I asked him to pay for how much he ate since I had specifically wanted those dumplings.
I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I feel like he should have asked before just taking them, especially since I had expressed how excited I was. AITA for getting upset, calling him out for being selfish and asking him to pay more?
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the conflict:
InformalTranslator97 wrote:
NTA but fighting over food is never a problem in these situations. Sorry for making an assumption but I don't think it's the food that angered but a reoccurring pattern from him. Why don't you guys have a long conversation?
When there's a big problem that couples refuse to talk about they will fight about smaller things to release the steam but also making up after it is easier. If there's a bigger problem in your relationship, smaller fights will occur more often.
OP responded:
Honestly I think that’s a very fair assumption because you’re spot on. I reckon it’s chat time.
Special_Respond7372 wrote:
Who eats someone else’s food without asking? That’s ridiculous and rude. I hope you ordered some more dumplings and ate them before leaving the restaurant. NTA.
OP responded:
I didn’t want to eat more because I was annoyed, but I’ll make sure I get them and hoard it.
visible_concern8089 wrote:
NTA at all. He definitely shouldn't have eaten them without asking and should have offered to buy you more. If he is eating 2 entrees and stealing your food it sounds like he might have some issues with overeating lol. I am in the US and 2 entrees at most Asian restaurants would be enough food for 4 people.
OP responded:
He works out a lot, so he does eat a lot of food. But if he was that hungry I wish he had ordered more.
AsparagusWTweak wrote:
NTA. Who the hell actually eats the rest of someone’s meal like that? That’s so gross and weird. Especially if he’d ordered a large amount for himself.
How long have you been in a relationship if this is only your second time eating out together?
Personally, I would make a big deal out of it, even if it’s embarrassing for him because he deserves to be embarrassed. He was selfish. Call him out.
If it were me, I’d dumpling him. This is such a bananas thing for any adult to do.
KemDraws wrote:
NTA I'm sorry to say but no one is dumb enough to think someone going to the bathroom isn’t going to finish the food when they get back, especially if it’s three dumplings. He did that on purpose. If it’s early in your relationship he may have been testing your boundaries and seeing what he can do. If I were you that would be a major red flag for me and I would reconsider the relationship.
Snailsinyouranus wrote:
NTA but from the sounds of it, it’s also pretty early into the relationship?
Honestly, I’d dump him over the dumplings, girl. If he’s already starting to show a lack of respect for you this early it will NOT get better later on. Run.
Later OP added this update in the comments:
I’ve been reading through the comments as best as I can, as there are over 750 now, and wanted to give a quick update with more details for those of you who are curious.
So, first off, my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now. We don’t eat out much because we’re both trying to save money, so we usually cook together at each other’s homes for date night. That’s why I was so excited to go out to eat dinner—only our second time doing so because he always works evenings and I work during the day.
I should’ve explained this better in the original post, my math didn’t add up. When I said I had 1 out of the 4 dumplings I ordered and went to the bathroom, when I had return he had eaten the rest. For those wondering about the missing dumpling, that’s what happened.
I wasn’t expecting to share them, but I guess he thought we were just sharing everything, including my dumplings. What gets me more though, is he didn’t even finish his own food (I think a lot of you assumed that he did because I hadn’t actually originally stated this). He ordered those two big servings but then still finished my food first. Almost feels worse than if he was just a glutton.
So, when I went to the bathroom and came back to find he’d eaten all of them, I was really upset. I told him that I thought it was selfish and rude, and asked him to pay me back for the dumplings since he ate all of them without asking, which he did.
I didn’t want to order any more as he had finished eating as much as he wanted and I just wanted to leave because I was upset. To his credit, he apologized and acknowledged that what he did was inconsiderate. He agreed it was selfish and that it was a pretty rude move. Although I’m still upset about it honestly.
I’ve also realized that this wasn’t just about the dumplings. There are definitely other little things that have been building up over time that made me more upset about this than I might have been otherwise. But I think regardless of how perfect things were, I still would’ve been mad. It wasn’t just about the food—it was about feeling overlooked and like my excitement for something small was dismissed.
For now, I haven’t decided what I want to do moving forward. I’m still processing things, but he’s apologized, and we’ve talked about it. I appreciate everyone who commented—there was some really good advice, and I’m definitely taking it all into consideration.