'AITA for hitting on my GF's friend after she insisted on not telling them I'm her BF?' UPDATED

No one wants to be kept a secret, like you're shameful to be with.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a guy asked if he was wrong for flirting with his girlfriend's friend after she insisted he keep their relationship "secret." He wrote:

"AITA for hitting on my GF's friend after she insisted on not telling them I'm her BF?"

My GF and I have been official for a few weeks now. She hasn't introduced me to her friend group yet, which I didn't think much of at first. We were all set to hang out, but before that, my gf said to me not to mention we were together. I asked why and she said because she wasn't ready for it. For that night, I was OK with it.

Afterwards I told my gf that I felt like crap, and that I wanted to be seen as her bf, she said not to worry, and that she will be ready soon. But the second time she asked me not to mention it again. I was annoyed, but I agreed not to say anything. During that second time, I overheard one of her friends asked her if there was anything going on between us, she said I was just a friend.

I was hurt tbh. I knew what I agreed to, but hurt to hear her say it. Later that night, one of her friends approached me, and started hitting on me, and asked me if I was into my gf. I lied and said we were just friends. We spent the next two hours talking, and lightly flirting. (I didn't kiss her or anything like that, but did playfully shove her).

I wasn't planning some revenge on my gf or anything, but it felt nice to have someone flirt with me. My gf was pissed. She said that I crossed a line with her friend. I told her we were just having fun, and nothing happened. We got into a fight, and I'm feeling confused now if I should apologize or not.

The internet kept it real in the comments.

Nice_Bluebird7626 wrote:

Bro, go for the girl who will flirt with you in public. That means she’ll hold your hand in public, kiss you in public, be with you in public, treat you like you deserve to be treated leave the girl who thinks that you are somebody to stay in the closet. Respect yourself. Also this will probably be enjoyed on ohnoconsequences bc she's TA.

JTD177 wrote:

I can think of a few reasons why your girlfriend would hide the relationship, none of them are good for you.

She’s embarrassed of you. She’s not serious about the relationship

She wants to be able to meet guys while hanging out with her friends and no one will question her on it.

Dump her and get with the friend. NTA.

Tonydaphony1 wrote:

Or 4. Her friends already know she talks to other guys so they’ll judge her or say something if they find out she’s been in a relationship the whole time.

heartbh wrote:

Dude that’s fucking hilarious, she had that coming. The literal only reason I can think of for not wanting to let people know is because she looking at other guys too. I would present point of view to her but uhhh, you sure you wanna do this? NTA, but mostly because she WAS first.

Bungcrosby wrote:

You are NTA. Sounds like the GF might have feelers out with someone else who also wants to be official, and she’s stringing you along until that other guy makes up his mind. Undoubtedly, it’s someone that her friends know. That way, she’s able to have her cake and eat it, too.

If that guy wants to be official, she’ll drop you and make excuses with her friends that you wanted more than she was willing to give. If that guy friendzones her, then you’ll be her backup plan.

OP shared an update five days later.

So, my gf broke up with me, she said that I was extremely disrespectful and immature. So I'm sure that's gonna make some of yall happy. The friend did reach out to me (we added each other when we met that night). The friend is definitely into me, but I figured I should tell her the truth. She said she understands, and that my now ex has always been weird with guys.

She did say she wishes we met differently, and that we probably should just stay friends, as she's uncomfortable dating her friend's ex, especially in this weird situation. So yeah, I have no gf, and the other girl just wants to be friends (assuming she wasn't just saying that to be nice). I at least learned something about myself, and will never accept being someone's secret in the future.

The internet did not hold back.

Bill2550 wrote:

So she (ex gf) thinks it’s mature and respectful to hide a bf??😆 Bullet dodged. I think after the dust settles the other girl might come around especially after your ex is admittedly “weird."

OP responded:

Not expecting anything from the friend, but I wouldn't mind if she changes her mind.

NickDanger3di wrote:

Matrix Bullet Time achieved: we're proud of you OP!

OP responded:

Hardly anything to be proud of. She's the one who broke up with me.

JFPizzaMaster wrote:

Hey man this happened to me too. Was sleeping with a coworker (we went on some dates, group outings as well, multiples times weekly) who told me not to blow up her spot at work… by the end of our 18 month whatever I learned she was sleeping with at least 2 others at my branch and multiple others at other branches, as well as a married couple working at another one.

Literally as big of a company whore as one could be. I can’t describe the level of embarrassment and regret I had towards the end of that…she even told me she loved me for the first time on her last day as she moved across the company with…get this...a DIFFERENT guy I didn’t know about.

You live and learn man, people keep secrets for a reason and it’s up to you to have high standards for yourself and not give those levels of disrespect any opportunities.

TheFCCgavemeHPV wrote:

My husband had a girlfriend in college ask him not to tell some other guy that they were dating on their way to a party this dude would be at. My husband asked her to stop right then and there and let him out of the car and broke up with her.

It’s never ok to ask a partner something like that. If you’re not proud of your partner, get a new partner. If you can’t tell your friends about who you’re dating, maybe get new friends.

It sounds like OP dodged a major bullet, hopefully his next relationship is more transparent.