'AITA for 'humiliating' my neighbor's kids by having them help me fix a window they broke?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITAH for 'humiliating' my neighbors kids by having them help me fix a window they broke?"

My girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) have been dating for about seven months. I moved into this house around six months ago because it was closer to my family and friends than my previous place.

It’s a little farther from work, but I mostly work from home, so it wasn’t a big deal. About a week ago, I was doing dishes in the kitchen when I suddenly heard glass shattering from the garage. When I went to check, I found broken glass all over the floor—one of the windows (not the door) had been broken from the outside.

I didn’t see anyone, but while cleaning up, I found a football that wasn’t mine. I recognized it as one of my neighbor’s; I had seen their kids playing with it in the front yard before. Later that night, my girlfriend noticed the broken window when she came over for dinner. She doesn’t live with me, though I have asked her a few times.

I mentioned that one of the neighbor kids must have accidentally broken it while playing football and that I’d return the ball to them the next day. I wasn’t angry about it—it was just a window. But my girlfriend seemed annoyed and called the kids "rude" and "disrespectful" for not apologizing.

The next day, I went out to get supplies since it gets cold where I live, and I wanted the window fixed sooner rather than later. When I got back, I grabbed the ball and knocked on my neighbor’s door. The mom answered, and after I explained what happened, she had her three boys come and apologize.

She also offered to pay for the damage, but I declined. Instead, I asked for one thing: that the boys help me fix the window. I thought it was a good lesson. When I was a kid, I used to ride my bike through an elderly lady’s flower garden as a shortcut. One day, she caught me. Instead of punishing me, she asked me to help her replant it.

So, I spent a few afternoons after school helping her, and that experience really stuck with me. I figured this was a similar opportunity for these kids. My neighbor agreed, so I showed the boys how to fix the window. At first, it was a little awkward, but they warmed up to it and actually did a great job. About 30 minutes in, my girlfriend pulled into the driveway.

She gave me and the boys a weird look but went inside without saying anything. After we finished, I thanked the kids, sent them home, and went inside. My girlfriend immediately asked why I had them help. I told her I thought it was a good way for them to learn from their mistake, just like I had when I was younger.

But she said I had humiliated them. I explained that I wasn’t trying to shame them—I wasn’t angry, didn’t make a scene, and even turned down their mom’s offer to pay. I just thought it was a good way to teach them responsibility. She still thinks I was in the wrong. I don’t think I am, but I also don’t want to go around awkwardly asking my neighbor’s kids if they felt humiliated. So, AITAH?

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

fire_or_water_kai wrote:

NTA. You taught the kids something worthwhile in how to properly apologize and a skill without being nasty about it. Truthfully, the best way this situation could go. Your girlfriend was either humiliated as a kid and is taking it out on you or something. But she's completing off base.

OP responded:

I agree. I'm kinda afraid to ask her about that and / or bring up that agreement. I'll mention something about it later during dinner and see what she says.

Mike5473 wrote:

No what you did was superb. They saw what it took to fix the damage they caused. I would rethink the GF. How she responded to you about this issue is a giant character flaw. Don’t make babies with this one, it will be a nightmare.

OP responded:

Thanks for the feedback.I know you're joking, but I do plan on having kids in the future. Idk if she does, though. It's something I've mentioned, just not really a full discussion. I'll bring that up to her later. These comments are bringing up a lot of good questions to ask her.

Mike5473 responded:

Not joking at all. Quite serious as you should be. The fact she viewed your non judgmental, hands on let’s get this fixed moment as humiliating is a big clue of how she thinks adults and children should interact. If you stay with her, please have deep discussions on how you guys will discipline kids.

Not-a-cranky-panda wrote:

No but you need a better girlfriend.

BlueGreen_1956 wrote:

NTA. You do realize that you have a GF who does not believe people should be held accountable for their actions. You might want to consider how that mindset will play out in your relationship over time.

The next day, OP shared an update.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my first post. A lot of good questions were brought up, and I talked with my girlfriend over dinner last night. Here’s what happened. For context, we are both white.

My mom married my stepdad when I was two, and he’s Black. I was raised in a predominantly Black neighborhood, and the one I live in now is the same way. The three boys who helped me fix the window are also Black. My girlfriend isn’t originally from this state—she moved here for school and, in her own words, “just never left.”

During dinner, I asked her again why she thought I humiliated the kids. After a bit of back and forth, she said something along the lines of, “You looked like a sl*ve owner.”

Hearing that was honestly shocking.

That thought had never crossed my mind until she said it. I didn’t mention race in my original post because I didn’t think it mattered—but now I’m wondering if more people would have suggested that if I had. I asked, “So you see a white man and three Black kids fixing a window, and your first thought is sl-very?” I could tell I struck a nerve because she left after dinner without saying much.

That whole night, I kept thinking—about her, our relationship, and what this meant. Is this why she never really wanted to move in with me? If we had kids, how would she treat kids of different races? How would she treat my stepdad’s side of the family?

I asked her to breakfast this morning and broke up with her. I told her straight up—I can’t be with someone whose first thought when seeing a white guy and a Black guy together is sl*very. It sucks that this is something I’ll have to consider when dating in the future. The idea of “Is this person racist?” was never something I really thought about before, but now I feel like I have to.

I really hope my neighbors don’t think I had bad intentions. I don’t think they do, but I’m definitely not about to bring it up and make things weird. Anyway, kind of a weird update, but thanks to everyone who commented and told me I made a difference in those boys’ lives. That really meant a lot to me. Now I’m gonna go read some Hellboy or something.

The commenters were deeply invested.

Slowstatician749 wrote:

I think if the boys' mother had seen it the same way as the ex, then they could have thought about it. But she obviously liked the solution. Your ex has some pretty confusing views.

london_fog_blues wrote:

Exactly, this seems like a good neighbour who is actually embodying “it takes a village,” yet his ex couldn’t see that. Pretty sad for her but good riddance for OP.

interesting-issue-475 wrote:

You're (ex)girlfriend is insane. First of all, the mom was okay with your idea. She agreed that her children needed to a)be held accountable for their actions and b)that their work instead of money was a good solution.

Second: you were teaching them how to fix a window. That's a great skill to have.

Third: How is any of that r*cist? I fail to see her "logic."

Fire_or_water_kai wrote:

Wow. That was a twist. I commented on your other post about how she could be projecting or something, but never even thought race could be a thing in your story because it really wasn't relevant. You dodged a bullet AND taught those kids something valuable.