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'AITA for telling my fiancé to leave after he said my housekeeping job is "easy"?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for telling my fiancé to leave after he said my housekeeping job is "easy"?' UPDATED 2X


"AITA? I made my fiancé storm out of the house because he said my job is easy."​​​​​​

I (26F) am a part time housekeeper. I go to night school to finish my degree. I have a fiancé, Kenny (29M), who is a mechanic. The problem started between us almost recently. I have been asking Kenny to help me with the household chores more. But every time he gives excuses that he is busy or tired all day after dealing with cars. I get his job is a physically demanding jobs but so is mine.

I clean houses during the day and have to attend my classes in the evening. I only have 1 year left and lately we are thinking about marriage. So, I am working extra hard for that. Kenny doesn't think my job is that hard. He always says I am just weak and lazy that I complain about cleaning houses. We have had multiple fights about it but every time we would resolve it.

This week, I asked him if he could clean the kitchen because I have work load and my exams are near. He refuses because he claims he works more than I do. And just because I am a housekeeper I should do it. He then tried to justify his reply by telling me that if our car broke down he would fix it because he is a mechanic, so since I am a housekeeper I should do it.

I tried many ways to explain how physically demanding my job is. Many people think housekeeping and cleaners or organizers do nothing for society but the truth is different. We make a house livable. And it takes times and sometimes hours to do so. It is physically and emotionally draining and not to mention how underappreciative some people can be. But no, the fight just escalated.

Lastly the thing that made me want to throw him out was when he said "I don't see why you have a problem. My mom had 7 kids and still had a squeaky clean house. You on the other hand are making excuses. It's not like your job is hard. It's just cleaning houses.

If you can do it in other places why not here. Try working as a mechanic." I told him I need space from him and he stormed out. He and I haven't talked. Did I go too far?

Some comments:

OOP gives more description of her job:

I clean 3-4 houses normally. Some times even more. That day I had to clean 4 houses and had classes too. It was tiring. Yes, I do like cleaning but it comes with a price.

Someone commented: "He decided you've been together long enough that he can drop the act and you won't leave."

OOP responded:

He lives in my house that I got from my aunt. I can leave if I want to but not without a fight. I know it is easy to end a relationship. But growth takes time. I want to solve this issue.

Some important comments:

"My dad's aunt was a housekeeper and a cleaner and no, it is NOT an easy job. You have to deep clean everything which includes removing furniture and cleaning under them. You have to wipe the surfaces with different cleaning solutions. I have seen many tiktoks of housekeepers saying how it takes them hours to clean a house.

Not to mention some houses are deep in dirt that hasn't been cleaned for months. Also organizing is a great skill. Organization makes life easier. There is relation between proper organization and better mental health so these jobs are not easy. He is just an AH if he thinks these jobs are easy."

"Girl are you kidding me right now?! Kick him to the curb. I’ve had my cleaning business for 15 years and it’s the hardest most rewarding job I’ve ever had. 3-4 houses a day is no joke! Then to come home and have this asshat talk like that to you! The nerve. Kenny is a man child that should go back home to his perfect mommy. Don’t you dare let him treat you like this. Plus your in school?

Nope, you are better off without someone who thinks so little of you. Because that what he is saying, your unimportant and that my friend is grade A bullshit. Stand up for yourself. You are a hard worker don’t EVER let ANYONE talk down to you when you are kicking ass! Be strong sista, you only get one life, why live like this?"

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Ok_Examination3023 said:

NTA. If you had broken bicycles at home every single day then his argument would make more sense. House chores are something that needs to be done all the time. It's a humongous amount of invisible unappreciated work.

And for some reason mostly women are expected to do it. I'm not a housekeeper but an IT specialist and I'm still doing more chores at home and getting into arguments over it Your partner is lazy and doesn't appreciate your work. Stand your ground.

jackieblueideas said:

You realize that, if you finish your studies, get a new job, and marry him, it means you'll be working a job and cleaning the house without help forever?

judgejoebrown77 said:

NTA, tell your husband i called him weak and lazy. I work in mechatronics, aka turn wrenches but on automation lines. Even after my 12 to 16 hr work days i still try to help around the house and spend time with the kiddo. I live in the house we call home, me and my wife both work. Does it matter the job? No. Its the fact he lives there and should also help.

yellowbrownstone said:

Run. Honey just run. He’s disrespectful and mean if asking for help makes him call you names like lazy and weak. This behavior will intensify if you get married. Guys like this don’t get better, they get worse.

And Dizzy_Eye5257 said:

Don’t marry someone who insults you, demeans you, or belittles you

Verdict: NTA.

A day after her first post, she shared this update:

To anyone who showed me support, thank you so much. I never realized people in reddit are so kind. I was thinking about talking to him about our situation like an adult. I guess that is out of the window. Because he is not worth it. I was cleaning my neighbor's house. She is a single mom with a 20 year old daughter. She often hires me.

Today as usual I was cleaning her daughter's room and I found Kenny's underwear under her bed. Also his watch. I know it is his because I got that watch last year for his birthday. It had his initials engraved on it. I have little evidence of him cheating but I think the watch and his underwear are enough. You guys are right. I don't deserve this kind of disrespect after I have practically given him shelter and food.

I knew something was fishy when he didn't even come to bed last night and stormed out. Maybe he was next door. I will be taking rest of the day off to finish packing his shit in a box and will change the locks. When he comes home from work he can go live with his mistress.

I am sure her mother will be proud because she herself got cheated on by her daughter's father. I am done with you.

And then the next day, she shared this second update:

Thank you so much guys. There has been a sharp stinging inside me for a long time if I am only staying with him just because I don't want to be alone or not. But his cheating was literally the last straw for me. I just wanted to let yor know, he is out. I packed his shit up and threw it outside. He came home screaming and demanding I let him in. I told him to go live with his mistress. He wasn't even remorseful.

He started comparing me to the 20 yr old that she is much better than me and I never satisfy him. I always let him have sex with me. Last few months I initiated a lot but he pushed me away. I am done. I talked to my neighbor, Sheila. She was shocked too. Apparently her daughter snuck him inside the house during the night and he would leave early in the morning.

Sheila was pissed at her daughter. She literally berated her because her daughter has a strained relationship with her dad because he cheated on Sheila and yet she became the other woman. I felt bad for the daughter because Kenny lied to her. He told her I was abusive and never make him happy and hit him. I told her this was all a lie.

She can check my security cam in the house where there has been no signs of violence. I wasn't angry at her. She is only 20. She has a lot to learn. It shows she was manipulated by Kenny. I told her I don't care if she continues to see Kenny or not. Because if she does she will see how toxic he is anyways and if she thinks she can change him then good luck.

She said sorry to me and said that she couldn't control herself even though she knew she was wrong. Her mom was pissed and told her she will kick her out if she brings Kenny home. Also she was punished to clean my house for as long as the affair was going on, which is, 8 months. I know it was unnecessary but Sheila told me it is necessary to teach her daughter a lesson.

For now, I am fine. I am alone. I do not have good relationship with my parents. I only had my aunt who lives in florida, the aunt that gave me the house. I guess, I will have to get used to it. I have saved up some money for the wedding. I will use that to get manicure and take some time off from cleaning. Goodbye you guys.

Sources: Reddit
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