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Bride faces relentless pressure from in-laws for non-walking baby to be flower girl. AITA?

Bride faces relentless pressure from in-laws for non-walking baby to be flower girl. AITA?

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"AITA - I rejected my BIL's child being a flower girl."

I (27F) am getting married this spring to my boyfriend (26M). We have been planning our wedding for 2 years now and have been trying to get blessings from both sides of our families but only my family was supportive of our decision to get married. While receiving hurtful remarks from my to-be in-laws, they disapproved of us getting married and wanted us to wait a while before settling down.

Since we weren't receiving full support, we decided to plan the wedding ourselves and finalized the details like date, venue, catering, etc. We are not and have not asked for any financial support and they have not asked if we need help in any aspect of the planning.

I also asked a family friend's daughter (4F) to be the flower girl after the engagement and her mom agreed. Fast forward about a year since the flower girl was confirmed.

My boyfriend's older brother and his wife recently gave birth to a baby girl (let's call her Amy) and they have been badgering us about allowing their baby (will be 11MO by the time of the wedding), my fiancé's niece, be the flower girl.

My boyfriend and I pointed out that Amy isn't guaranteed to be able to walk by that time, and Amy's father responded by saying that he could carry the baby down the aisle.

When we initially said 'no' to that idea (as I think it's weird giving the role of a flower girl to a child that wont be physically able to do any of the normal flower girl duties and it would look ugly having a toddler walk down next to an adult holding a baby), Amy's father and Amy's grandmother kept on badgering us with the same questions:

"Can Amy be the flower girl?" "What color theme is your wedding? We'll buy a dress for Amy." "Since Amy is our first and only grandchild, it's tradition for our family for her to be flower girl." AITA to reject Amy as the flower girl??? 🥲

Here is some context: Amy's father and my boyfriend have two other siblings Amy is currently 7MO and cannot crawl or sit up unassisted. Amy's father and Amy's grandmother make racist comments about me behind my back.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

StAlvis

NTA. You already have a flower girl. And that's entirely too young for a child to be involved in the wedding.

NTA. Your fiance needs to handle this by telling his brother that, if the racist comments don’t stop, he won’t even be invited to the wedding, much less be carrying his daughter down the aisle as a flower girl. And he needs to ask his mother if it’s ’tradition’ to say awful things about her soon-to-be daughter-in-law, and give her the same ultimatum.

Pretty sure you AND your husband should be no contact with anyone being racist. Is your husband going to allow that racism to be directed at any children you have? Your fiance should be handling his racist family, they shouldn’t even be invited to your wedding. Why would you want a racist there or anyone who bows down to their demands??

That’s not even factoring in how dumb it would be to have a flower girl who can’t even walk yet. Double dumb to have a flower girl be held by her racist father walking down the aisle on YOUR wedding day that you will have photos from.

Oh dear husband, look at this photo of the man who is racist to me and his kid from our wedding, aweeeee. It would taint the day for me personally. Your fiancé should be the one shutting this down and shutting it all down hard otherwise I’d rethink the marriage because why is your fiance okay with his own family being racist to his soon to be wife??? NTA.

Snoo-93310

This!!! Also, I feel weird even writing this with the glaring racist family factor, but...good luck planning a wedding ceremony around an 11 month olds nap schedule. At that age you are looking at 2 naps per day, with times/lengths often depending on when the kiddo woke up (hard to schedule around).

Oh, and they'll probably be cutting those incisor teeth too, so that will be a blast. Oh, did I mention separation anxiety peaks at 8-12 months (so being carried by anyone other than mom in a new situation will be a no go)?

The baby is a PERSON, not an accessory. And this is your WEDDING, not their photo op. The whole idea just shows how thoughtless and unempathic these people are. You are doing the right thing, not only for yourself but for this little girl by saying no. Hard NTA.

SillyString111

Why invite monster to your wedding at all? Why isn’t your fiance handling HIS awful family?

KingsRansom79

NTA. How can it be a tradition if she’s the first? That’s some wild boomer mental gymnastics. Stick to your decisions. BF needs to be the one to shut his family down. Be prepared for some fallout. Like them threatening not to come if she’s not flower girl.

Be prepared for some antics on wedding day. Have some of your family and friends ready to run interference on the day. Budget money to photoshop dress colors or smiles onto faces. Password protect your vendors.

NTA. She’s far too young to be a flower girl; she may not be able to walk, she wouldn’t understand what to do or basic instructions. She could end up crying or getting distracted or throwing a fit. There’s 0 need for her to be there aside from her parents wanting her to be a little star. It’s not fair to her, honestly.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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