'AITA if I attend a wedding and my pregnancy is revealed since I will not be drinking?' + UPDATE

"WIBTA If I Attend A Wedding And My Pregnancy Is Announced Because I Will Not Be Drinking?"

My boyfriend (34m) and I (31f) have been dating for 12 years and just decided to start trying for a baby. We have not announced that were trying for a baby because it will result in our families lecturing us about getting married and having a wedding. We do not want a wedding and marriage isn't important to us.

We have a family wedding to attend this weekend, therefore I took a pregnancy test, just to double check, before a weekend of heavy drinking. Well it was positive and we are so excited. I do not want to announce that I am pregnant until we go to the doctor or after 12 weeks.

This happened so quickly I am not sure what to do. The bride has been dreaming about her wedding day her whole life and all the attention should be on her. I do not want to take her spotlight. This will be the first grandchild in the family and I assume that everyone will be so excited.

The problem is that I drink alcohol and get drunk at every family event. My family loves to party and we take shots together, shotgun beer together, and randomly challenge each other to chugging contests. I am fully involved in the festivities and instigate a lot of the drinking.

Basically, it will be very noticeable that I am not drinking and refusing shots. I am planning on pretending to drink beers by replacing it with water but I don't think this will actually fool my family. We are staying at the hotel where the reception is taking place, therefore I cannot just say I am the designated driver. My family will notice that I am not drinking this weekend and correctly conclude that I am pregnant.

I cannot imagine missing my cousin's wedding but also could never imagine stealing the bride's spotlight with my pregnancy. I know the bride will be angry if there are rumors about my pregnancy during her wedding. My cousin will be annoyed that I made his new wife angry, but he's reasonable and would not actually be mad at me.

WIBTA if my pregnancy gets announced or rumored at my cousin's wedding or should I just stay home 'sick'? My boyfriend suggested that we should call everyone and announce that we are pregnant today. Therefore, it does not happen during her wedding. I don't think making the announcement a few days before her wedding will actually help.

In addition, I am uncomfortable with this because I've only taken at home pregnancy tests and have not been to the doctor. I do not know how far along I am. Plus, I am more terrified of the possibility of having to announce a miscarriage to the whole family. I hope I don't have a miscarriage but it's a possibility with any pregnancy and the chance drop significantly after 12weeks according to the internet.

TLDR: My family will notice that I am not heavy intoxicated during my cousin's wedding this weekend and correctly assume I am pregnant. Therefore, my pregnancy will be a huge rumor all night, taking the spotlight away from the Bride. I will deny the rumors but WIBTA if I still attend the wedding?

What do you think? WIBTA if she attends the wedding and her pregnancy "accidentally" comes out, stealing attention from the bride (and groom)? This is what top commenters had to say:

CrystalQueen3000 said:

YWBTA. Just say you’re taking a course of antibiotics and can’t drink if anyone asks.

RowenaStarr13 said:

Youre on antibiotics. You have a bet going. You've started a clean eating diet. You're prepping for a blood test. And if anyone ask if you're pregnant, just say no. YWBTA. A simple Google search gives you a few ideas don't make your cousin's wedding about you. Don't announce it beforehand. It's tacky.

AngryPsychologist said:

YWBTA. Just tell them you have to take antibiotics and are not allowed to drink alcohol while you take them. If they ask what for say UTI.

SagestLynx said:

YWBTA there's loads of good excuses you can use. Recently did something daft when drunk so avoiding alcohol for a bit. On antibiotics for something minor like a UTI so following doctor's orders. Upset stomach so don't feel up to drinking but didn't want to miss the wedding etc. The list is endless and people will be able to focus on other things.

On a side note I would strongly advise against announcing your pregnancy early on, wait until the end of your first trimester just in case.

penguin_squeak said:

YWBTA You can come up with a plausible excuse for why you prefer not to drink. Don't be an ass and try to co-opt someone else's millstone celebration.

In response to the comments, OP later shared this update:

Honestly, I didn't think of the medication route. Even though, I have had stomach ulcers in the past and used medicine that I cannot drink on. My aunt's and uncle's are doctors, dentists, and lawyers. Therefore, they don't have a problem with asking invasive questions.

I know they are asking to ensure I am getting the best medical care and nothing is being missed by my doctor. They have disagreed with my doctor in the past and just explained their option. After they let me make my decision and I just keep them informed. I do not find this disrespectful and in fact, I am glad they care. It's like I have my own personal medical team that is available 24/7 for a second opinion.

Since they are my family, I do not go to them as my primary doctor, except for the aunt for dentist/ortho. If I told them to stop, they would respect me and back off. Although, telling them to stop would not be my normal behavior. I call my dad (GP) and uncle (PharmD) for every medical issue I have ever had, including embarrassing things and UTIs.

So if I use this excuse I will need to have my facts straight with all the 'current' symptoms I am experiencing and how they have improved or changed. They will already know the side effects of the medication, so that will not need to be explained. In addition, this means that my family will worry about my fake issue and call to check up on me after the wedding.

I don't know if I should go with this option, because I would have to fake my issue until I am ready to announce or research the normal amount of time for the fake illness to resolve and how the recovery process progresses post-wedding. Idk if this is normal in families with a lot of medical professionals. I've always wondered if I was just normal in my family or every family with a lot of doctors.

I just know my family and our norms. I hope that I am just being overly worried/paranoid about how we will keep our secret. I, also know, that there are some people in my family who still tell stories of how proud they are that they were able to tell that 'so and so' was pregnant before the announcement.

Thank you for the comments from the people in similar situations where nobody noticed. That makes me feel better and is exactly what I am hoping for. We haven't even told our parents, who will be the first people we tell. Therefore, I will not be discussing this with the bride and groom.

But we want to tell our parents on the same day and it will be after my doctor appointment. We will tell them early on, but not let them tell anyone else until we decide and announce to everyone else. I have ordered a big brother and big sister bandanna for our dogs from Etsy for them to discover when we go to their houses.

In no way, will I be making an actual announcement or confirming that I am pregnant with anyone at the wedding. Even without the comments on this post, confirming that I am pregnant at the wedding was never an option for me.

That means if I lose the pregnancy I have to talk to like 200 people about a miscarriage, that would be devastating. I am just afraid of people figuring it out due to my behavior being different.

So right now, I am still thinking that pretending to drink, might be the best bet by drinking water out of a beer bottle. The wedding is in a state, where it is required to have sinks in all handicap stalls. IDK how I actually know this fact, but I remember it from somewhere. Therefore, I don't think I will get caught pouring out alcohol and replacing it.

I am afraid of ordering a mocktail at the bar and the line of people around me notice. There's always a line of people around the bar at weddings I have been too. I really liked the comment of bringing a flask with lookalike alcohol to keep up appearances. In addition, I am picky when it comes to alcohol and they know that I will refuse to drink certain things, like fireball.... Gross!

So I think they will be fooled. In addition, someone else pointed out that after an hour or two into the open bar reception, people will start getting too drunk to keep track of anything. Lastly, I am hoping that the other comments about me overthinking this, that I am not that important, and I won't be noticed are correct.

Lastly, weddings with a lot of drinking are normal with both my boyfriend and my family's weddings. I kinda thought this was normal for everyone because that's been my experience at weddings. For this wedding, the bride and groom announced it's an open bar for the entire reception, therefore most attendees (including my BF and I) have rented a room at the reception to take full advantage of the open bar.

From the comments, it seems that drinking a lot at big family events means you have an alcohol problem. TBH, I don't see a problem with having a weekend or two of drinking heavily with your family or friends each year, as long as, all your other responsibilities have been completed. Getting pregnant has not been working this year, therefore I took a test to ensure I wouldn't be drinking heavily while pregnant.

Also, I was hoping that the slight differences in my body could mean that I am pregnant. This seems like the responsible thing to me. This would have been the first family event with a lot of drinking since Christmas. So for those concerned, of course, I haven't been pounding shots and beers all year while trying for a baby.

It seems that some people agree that I am not an asshole and others think that this definitely makes me an asshole. So I guess I will discover which one I am at the wedding this weekend. Thank you to everyone who responded and commented. There was more of a response than I could ever imagine. It was helpful to think through each option and scenario that I could do this weekend.