'AITA if I decide not to go back to my fiancé after his teenage daughter lied about me?' UPDATED

"AITA if I decided not to go back to my fiancé?"

So I'm 35f and my fiancé is 39m he has a 14 year old daughter. Me and my fiancé have been together for 5 years. His late wife passed when his daughter was 5, and then I met him when is daughter was 9. His daughter never really liked me I think it maybe I came on to strong or maybe she was happier the way things were before I came I don't know but I've always tried to her friend but she would never let me in.

So about a 3 weeks ago we told her I was pregnant, she wasn't happy which is to be expected she's a teen. The problem is she's gone around accusing me of telling her that this baby will replace her, and basically trying to get rid of her to make room for my kid, and I haven't told her that at all.

His daughter and her friend had faked some messages between me and her and it basically said that I was gonna let the baby take her room and that once the babies here her dad won't care about her anymore. She showed them to her dad and he was mad we got into an argument and kicked me out.

He sent me a long message saying that he couldn't do this anymore and that he didn't know I was treating his daughter like that and that we need to end things he said I have a month to move my stuff out. A week after that his daughter's friend said that the messages were lies and that they were fake and that I never said those things.

He than came over to my mom's house where I was staying, and he apologized and said that what kind of father wouldn't defend his daughter in that case and that I have to understand why he did what he did. He also brought back my ring as I have given back to him and he said that he wants to be a family again and that he wants to raise our child in our home and together and not apart. I told him I needed time to decide.

As of right now I don't want to because yes I understand why you took her side I understand why you kicked me out but I don't understand why I couldn't even get a chance to talk or to.show my proof or to even explain my side, and got called degrading names, he just took her word and ran and that what makes me not want to get back with him anymore so AITA?

Edit: I don't want to make her out to be like this mean child because she's just been through a lot and I hate that it's now me vs her.

The internet did not hold back.

busyshrew wrote:

I think you need to fix way more than just this one incident OP. The daughter's behaviour and how far she was willing to go to frame you is concerning. She concocted a pretty elaborate lie, with an accomplice, to get you out of the house.

And it wasn't her, it was the friend, who had a guilty conscience and confessed. How has your fiance dealt with this? Until the situation with the daughter is addressed, I wouldn't go back. And Reddit jumps to suggesting therapy but I really think everyone needs it.

You need to think about what kind of situation you want to bring your child into. A house full of malice and stress, and you feeling unprotected... I can see why you don't want to go back. So don't. Not until you feel safe and secure and the 14-year-old is in a better frame of mind to accept you and a new sibling. NTA.

Salt-Finding9193 wrote:

Do not go back into that home god knows what she’ll do next. I don’t believe the baby is safe there let alone you.

IntroductionNo7686 wrote:

Don’t go back until his daughter goes to therapy and actively participates as to why she did this and other things. When the therapist says it’s time for you and your ex fiance to join to come up with a plan going forward to be a family. You cannot go back until this is done.

If you go back now she will claim that you are hurting her or other false accusations that get you in legal trouble. She could CPS involved and you could lose custody of your baby. This is very serious. She has already demonstrated that she is willing to lie and make up stories. She may up the ante since she’s not getting her way.

You also need therapy to decide if you want to proceed forward with your relationship. He broke the fundamental trust required for a relationship to be successful.

He handled this very immaturely and didn’t hesitate to kick you to the curb without even asking you if it was true or why you say such things. This does not bode well for the future. He’s supposed to make you feel safe and protected. He did not.

Fire_or_water_kai wrote:

I wouldn't go back, especially not now. You don't need to be in an unstable environment while pregnant or with a newborn. His daughter committed to her lie HARD, and I wouldn't be able to live with someone like that. She's a kid, and she needs a lot of help before I'd ever stake my stability (and baby's) and well-being on her not doing this again and addressing her issues.

I get that your fiance needed to back up his daughter, but I'm troubled that he thinks he could do what he did, say a few words, and then you should come back to him because the family needs to be together.

You weren't a family, and both of them showed you that. The very least he should've done was look at your phone. For now, I'd focus on my pregnancy and what a co parenting relationship will look like while they sort themselves out. YWBTAH to yourself if you went back with the way things are now.

Seven months later, OP shared a major update.

So a few of people had asked for an update on this I had forgot about this account to be honest but I'm back so I'll give you an update. So I had went back for like a month he had made her apologize and everything but I still had that feeling of I guess betrayal and like just bitterness towards him its hard to describe.

So I sat down and had a talk with him and tried to explain it and he asked if there was anyway we could work on it and I told him maybe in the future like 2 maybe 3 years from now but to now hold his breath as I would like to focus on my pregnancy and then the baby.

We also discussed custody and I asked him if for the first 3 years could the baby stay with me full time as I don't trust his daughter to be with our kid full time and he agreed as we both wanna keep everything out of court unless needed.

Also for anyone who might ask yes I've had my baby and since she's still new we haven't let his daughter meet her yet as she's been going to camps but if yall want an update when she does I will try to give one.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

FoxySlyOldStoaty wrote:

Have there been any tangible consequences for his daughter?

Away-Understanding34 responded:

Right? This teenager caused so many problems with her lies and she gets to go to camps? I would be sending her to intensive therapy and make her work throughout the Summer. There should be punishment or she will think she can pull this kind of crap again in the future.

TapSoft7074 wrote:

The same thing I said in the first post, yes, he had the right to take sides for his daughter, but that does not include kicking you out without explanation, insulting you and mistreating you...you should not go back to him. That girl is never going to leave you alone or accept you and she is going to grow up hating you, family experience, believe me when I tell you that you don't want that life.

Postscript: how incredible that that girl has ruined a marriage (at least partially for the moment) and her only consequence was saying "I'm sorry" to what a great point of narcissism and bad parenting we have reached that making a person see that they were wrong is all the punishment they are going to receive.

I'm sorry but no, that is not a punishment or corrective, it is a natural cause/consequence and does not serve to teach any lesson. (Believe me you don't want that life x2)

Rude-Key4485 wrote:

So the daughter faces no consequences for her actions? If the friend never said anything she would have gotten away with it honestly you’d have 0 self respect if you went back.

Glittering_Swan4911 wrote:

Sounds like the daughter needs a lot of therapy. Spreading a dangerous lie like she did to get you out. Bad form from your partner to kick you out whilst pregnant and not even listen to you. He needs therapy too. Him and his daughter went through a lot but as she was 5 at the time of her mother’s death and I imagine her dad didn’t help her grieve and move on.

She may not have many memories of her mother but it’s time alone with dad before meeting you that has shaped her life but not in a positive way if this is how she’s now behaving. It’s sad to think of the happy family you could have been and how she wasn’t looking forward to having a baby sister to cherish. You made the correct choice to protect yourself and your daughter from abuse by staying away.