'AITA if I don’t get my sister a wedding gift since I helped plan her wedding?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I didn’t get my sister a wedding gift?"

Here's the original post:

Ok so I (25M) am a wedding planner so when my sister (32F) announced she was getting married, most of our family, her included, assumed I’d help plan it for her. I initially didn’t really want to as ger wedding is right in the middle of busy season so I’d miss out on gigs that would pay but then I decided that she’s my sister and this would be a good wedding gift and would just help with the wedding stress.

She was so happy when I agreed and we started going over her plans and themes, I found some venues and we went to look at them, I took care of all of the catering so all she had to do was taste test and pick, I was also able to use my connections to get her special deals and stuff like that.

At first it was pretty smooth but as time went on it just got more and more stressful. She wouldn’t communicate with anyone and almost got her photographer to quit (I had to convince him to stay), she’d constantly change her mind on things and then get mad they were changed as I should of known she was just being indecisive and that I should have stuck with the first option.

While I was setting up the registry she told me I could have first dibs on what gift I was getting her, I looked at her confused and said that my help planning was my gift. She then said that a lot of family helped out and they are still getting gifts.

I told her that other family members helped move furniture or lend me their car to pick up supplies, I was doing most of the work and was missing out on actually getting paid helping her.

She said she’s greatful for my help but that this wouldn’t really constitute a gift unless I was paying for things like her dress or the venue. And she said it didn’t matter when I brought up that my connections have literally saved her thousands when you add them up.

She’s now calling me cheap and is getting our family involved. I don’t know what she told them (they won’t tell me) but they keep saying how selfish I am to make my sister’s big day all about me.

If I could afford it I wouldn’t mind getting her something, but the cheapest thing in the registry is almost $200 and I’m not well off, plus my loss of income I can’t afford something like that rn. I want to support her but I don’t think I’m gonna get her a gift, WIBTA if I didn’t?

What do you think? WIBTA if he doesn't get his sister a wedding gift? This is what top commenters had to say:

riddler42 said:

woooooooooow the audacity to say well sure you saved me thousands of dollars but I'm sure you can afford to get me something off the registry therefore you MUST still get me a gift. what a piece of work.

Orphylia said:

Okay but what kind of maniac lists a second home as a wedding gift.

xNED37x said:

Man are some people out of touch with how costly it is to live nowadays. And people discount how much someone’s time is worth. Whenever someone takes time to help you out, the first thing you should say is “thank you” and not “what else can you do for me?”

[deleted] said:

He said he is a people pleaser. I think it is spelled “doormat”.

Frank_Lundgren said:

Sis is still an entitled leech. The cherry on top was insinuating OOP should delve into his savings for her gift, what a wretch!

Commenters agreed overwhelmingly that OP is NOT the a$$hole. His sister, however....

OP later shared this update:

I took some of your advice but didnt go as extreme as I think some of you were hoping I would, sorry but I can be of a people pleaser and I dont want to ruin what is supposed to be a happy moment in her life.

I put together a list of everything I had done, including all the discounts I had gotten her, I'm not sure if she knew they were discounts as I didnt say they were discounts, I was saying things like “I have been able to get you a quote of x amount from y for z”. Aswell as stating what I would normally charge for a wedding this sized. I then texted her to ask if we could get some lunch and talk.

When she arrived I showed her the list and explained that I'm not asking her to pay this but I wanted her to see how much I'm helping her and how much money I am losing by doing her wedding instead of taking on a client who would pay.

At first she was shocked at the amount and accused me of lying to try and make her feel bad, I was able to show her bills from other weddings I had done before and a quick Google search showed that my prices are pretty average, she had never looked up any wedding planner or their rates bc she assumed I was always gonna do it.

She said she thought it wasnt that much as I didnt seem to be well off, I told her that while it does pay well I cant take on crazy amounts of clients since I need to give quality service and that I might not always get clients all year, plus I have a few medical expenses that can take out a large chunk.

She said I still must have some money saved up, I said I do but that I would be having to use it to cover my bills and stuff since my income is taking a hit due to taking on her wedding, after a while of insisting that some of the items on her registry aren't that expensive she relented,

I wouldn't have to get her anything since I had gotten her enough discounts to qualify as a gift and that she was grateful for my help and services. Honestly, I didnt know how much this was stressing me until that relief washed over me, I was thankful that this was over and we could continue with planning her wedding.

I asked her to clear things up with our family as they wont talk to me about it, she agreed and sent a group text explaining that the gift incident was just a misunderstanding and that we had talked it out and cleared things up.

For those who are saying that her registry seems very expensive, her new husband, his family friends, and alot of her friend are very wealthy, and she makes sure our parents and other close family are taken care of so she kinds has become disconnected from people with “normal” financial status like me.

There are alot of things on the list like designer handbags, clothes, shopping sprees, dinners, and even a car and second home on there. The cheaper items are some simple jewelry she liked. She paid for my part of the lunch as an apology and since I'm struggling and things are all good now I think, thanks, everyone.