'AITA if I don’t sell my house to my ex-husband's friends? They used to be my friends.' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I didn’t sell my house to friends?"

My house is for sale. It’s being sold due to my marriage unexpectedly breaking down after I found out my husband - “Adam” - had been having a year long affair and when caught, moved out. Adam has been a real POS in the aftermath - very justified, hostile and mean. It’s been awful. Did I mention we have two kids?

They are 3 and 1. I was pregnant the entire time he cheated. I digress. The house is in my name and is operating under a private sale. And right now there are a few parties competing for it. I’ll sell it in the next 72 hours to clear our debts.

Here’s the kicker: his best friend (his best man) and his wife want to buy it. But they didn’t tell me. They had the estate agent tell me. These are people who I have called friends for a long time, but when this affair broke out, they were sympathetic but then vanished in the last 6 months. Ghosted me and the children - would be cordial when I ran into them, and I would be too - but other than that, no support.

Now they are in a tight race with others to buy it and I find the entire scenario weird and deeply awkward. Why wouldn’t they just call and tell me beforehand?! Why get the agent to tell me? There’s better ways to go about this. They aren’t bad people. Just awkward. This is so shitty and emotional. But on a logical front, sell this d-mn house.

So the offers are coming in and they’re getting pretty tight money wise and similar in terms. I told the agent that someone needs to differentiate and make a bigger offer so that I’m not splitting hairs. I am reluctant to sell to them as it’s so weird and awkward. I feel like they’re dancing on the grave a bit.

I really want these other bidders I don’t know to get it because I don’t want to make a decision. I don’t really see these friends anymore - my husband does - and I can see it for what it is, despite it being really disappointing by them. AITA if I go with these other people if the offers and terms were practically the same?

The internet had a lot of questions and comments to add.

fordorova wrote:

You said to clear 'our' debts? Whose debts, your or husbands and yours?

If the house is in your name wouldn't it be better to divorce first and then sell? I'm not a lawyer so I don't know but if it is also his debts I would want to pay as little as possible.

OP responded:

In my country it’s common practice to settle on assets and then divorce once that’s finalised. Our shared debts. Good question :)

Odd_Mission_5366 wrote:

Milk every dollar you can put of whoever will pay and walk away.

OP responded:

100%! I told the agent to play them off against one another. This is for my kids’ and my future!

literallylittlehuff wrote:

Wow, these people suck. I can understand why you wouldn't want to sell to them. It's a real gut-punch. However, if you refuse to sell to them no matter what they can paint you as the villain of the tale, which might very well give your ex an 'out' with any remaining mutual friends and family.

"Sure, cheating's bad, but the truth is OP's a total b****. Just look at how she's screwing over BFF!" Make the sale strictly about who has the better offer, taking into account credit lines v/cash offers etc. Don't give your ex any ammunition to use against you. NTA, but be careful.

OP responded:

You have clocked it. He’s so morally bankrupt and such a crook he looks for any avenue where he can pin something on me. It’s wild to watch. So your suggestion isn’t outrageous.

FireballXLV wrote:

Go with the best offer but do not insult this couple along the way. If the other couple’s financing falls through you may need to go back and sell it to your former “friends.”

OP responded:

I hadn’t thought about this. Even though I wasn’t - and am not about to - go on a public vendetta (not my style), I have thought that I just need to be civil, not give them much and just lean into “let them” (Mel robbins’ mantra!)

Five days later, OP shared an update.

I got a high offer, it's close to $3m, and it's from my ex's best friend and his wife. Fine. Obviously awkward and uncomfortable as hell, but fine, that's an incredible price and more money than I dreamed of this house fetching. It clears our mortgages and there's cash leftover. The other buyers walk. I tell the agent: "yes - sold. Let me know when the signed contracts come through."

But... I don't get a contract. The agent and I are on the phone all the time. He is communicating with me around the clock and it is reassuring. But I tell him I have a bad feeling, why don't I have a contract? He tells me that it's all in hand, they are finalising some smaller details, it will come through shortly. And that's when the calls and messages start.

The husband - let's call him Paul - is trying to reach out. He wants to speak. I avoid his calls and tell him I'm busy with the kids, any q's regarding the sale direct through to agent, l'm ready to sign. Paul says, "no concerns commercially, we want to check if you're ok, call me". My agent says - "you're right to have a bad feeling, they won't sign until you say you are okay with this sale."

He says in 20 years of real estate he's never heard of such a thing. I tell the agent this is emotional blackmail. He says he has tried everything to convince them but they insist on me saying it's okay. I feel shaky and sick. It's at this point that I very much can see that they are having a crisis of conscience.

They have suddenly realised the optics aren't great around this. They know that this will invite a lot of judgement...and when it comes they need to have some good 'spin' on it. I can picture them saying, "how did she [me] feel about it? She was fine - she was just so relieved that another family was moving into it. Naturally we checked on her!."

I find all of this so gross.

So l'm over a barrel. I'm about to lose $3m if I don't tell them what they want to hear. It's too risky to call their bluff. I can't believe they let it get to this point and then throw this emotional condition into a commercial transaction.

So I tell them what they want to hear only via text - so l don't have to speak to them. This forced message apologises that I have been avoiding their calls as l've been overwhelmed with selling the house and I'm cool with it. I feel...grubby. I don't lie, I really don't. But this is for my children.

I send the text and within an hour my inbox gets the contract. I sign it. I receive a text from each of them thanking me and that my children and I are important to them and they would never have signed unless I was ok with it. Now I am waiting for the cooling off period to pass. Settlement isn't for 4 months. If they bail between now and then, and of course they could, they would forfeit their $500k deposit.

The comments kept coming.

CoreyCutestDog wrote:

I'm sure they will find some way to rationalise making you the villain even if you try your best to not give them anything. People will always find ways to confirm their own beliefs. Don't base your decision on what they might say.

OP responded:

They’ve bought the house…but even though I kept my distance they kept calling me for my blessing. I find it all really, really sh--ty and inappropriate. It’s a business deal. Don’t make it an emotional one.

Malphas43 wrote:

NTA...is it possible your ex put them up to it? Er even that they're buying it on his behalf?

OP responded:

I can say with confidence he would not be buying that enormous house back.

Objective_Purpose768 wrote:

If the fake friends buy it, open the hem on curtains if you have them, sew shrimp into the hem of the curtains. Or tuck under the carpet where floor events come out.

OP responded:

I can’t tell you how much I needed this laugh! I’ve had enough disappointment in people in this whole thing and the laughs are so welcome!