"AITAH if I kick out my boyfriend who has nothing?"
I(27f) having been living with my boyfriend(24m) for about a year. For some context, I’m in a position in my life with a stable career, a successful business and healthy finances, a place that took years of struggle to get to.
My boyfriend is prior service(natty guard, never saw a second of combat), flat broke, working full time in the union and going to trade school. He was broke when we met a year ago, and nothing has changed for the better. I pay for 85% of everything, rent, utilities, groceries, even his gas money half the time.
Recently, he told me that his car is getting repossessed because he hasn’t paid for it in three months. I was upset and asked him why tf he didn’t tell me before he was going to start missing payments, and he made up a bunch of excuses. Since I live next to my business and work 65 hours a week, I have let my own car’s registration lapse for two months, but now with this new situation,
I’m trying to make it legal so he can take that car to work. Today I have to go get some paperwork done, which meant that he couldn’t go to the gym after work today so he could take me when he got home. I ran over about 30 minutes speaking with a client and he sent me about 20 messages about how hypocritical I am, how I’m ruining his day, how I’m a liar and how I just don’t understand his feelings.
I told him that I’m doing this paperwork so that he can have a car to drive and he about imploded with rage. The last two hours have been nothing except him literally screaming in my face about I’m an inconsiderate b!tch who doesn’t prioritise his feelings and am probably cheating on him. It’s the same argument we have every single time something happens that he doesn’t like.
I didn’t work this hard in life to spend it with someone who lacks the ability to be an adult in every way possible. If I kick him out, he will literally have nothing, but at the same time, it's completely his fault. AITAH?
[Edit] I do want to say that in the beginning I truly had faith he was just getting his life together and he needed time, with working and going to school and I was able to support us until he was stable. However the situation has completely devolved. I don’t know what he’s spending his money on, other than his phone bill, internet and the gym. His schooling is 100% paid for by the union.
One thing contributing to his decline is that he calls into work every time we have a fight or he’s depressed, which a few times a month, but still thinks he deserves a raise. I work 65 hours a week and only take major holidays off and I don’t take any sick days, so I find this behaviour honestly gross.
I told him straight up today that at this point, he’s gonna have to re-enlist, cause I honestly don’t see how else he won’t end up homeless.
What do you think? AITA? Here are some of the top comments:
NTA. He's had a year to work without having to pay major bills and still hasn't been able to save anything up. You are not his mother, he is not your responsibility.
NTA. Where does all his money go? He is a hobo sexual and verbally abusive. Kick his a$$ out. It’s long time for him to grow up and learn to take care of himself.
NTA. You sound like you've become a parent rather than a partner. If he is working full-time, he should at least be able to make his car payment. Also, something fishy is going on with him. It is telling that he accuses you of cheating, because people who are up to no good frequently accuse others of doing what they've been up to.
Even if that's not the case, you'll be better off without the verbal abuse and huge expenses.
Verdict: NTA.
She later shared this update:
I’ve been trying to break up with him for the last hour, in that time he fake fainted(this man is 6’3 and 200 lbs, picture that), threw him himself to the ground while punching the floor and then started slapping himself. I gave him multiple options on where he could go, his only response was that he won’t do it because he didn’t want to.
Also I made him give me his phone so I could go through his bank account, he spends about between $20-$45 a day getting drinks, Starbucks, snacks and food, and about $100 a week on weed carts. He said it was my fault that he smokes weed because I stress him out when I come home tired from my 12-14 hour work day.
Update #2:
Going a few hours now, he’s blaming me for his spending habits, saying that I need to take responsibility for all the bad spending(I’ve made him multiple budgets) Got upset and hid in the basement for 10 minutes. Keeps pretending to pack things, but really he’s just opening drawers, taking out clothes and putting them back over and over lol
He’s also been storming outside and getting in his car waiting for me to come after him, and when I don’t he sulk back inside and starts yelling at me.(he’s done that 5 times)
