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'AITA if I refuse to pay the bride’s share for a bachelorette?'

'AITA if I refuse to pay the bride’s share for a bachelorette?'


"AITA if I refuse to pay the bride’s share for a bachelorette?"

I (27F) recently went on a friend’s bachelorette party. She’s not having a bridal party, so it was just a group of 5 girls - we went to New Orleans. When we got there, we found only 2 beds, which I guess her MOH counted as plenty. There were only love seats and no pullout couches.

Her MOH took one room with her best friend, leaving me, the bride, and another girl I’ve never met with the king bed. While I was in the bathroom, the bride and other friend decided to stick me in the middle because I’m “the most easygoing” (I’m not, I just have a tendency to be a people pleaser) and didn’t ask me. So that was awkward.

The group itself was super cliquey, but that wasn’t really a surprise since no one knew each other and everyone was vying for the bride’s attention. I kind of just hung back since it was only 2 nights. It was painful, though. I had an earlier flight, and on the way to the airport the maid of honor venmo requested me an insane amount (like $750) to cover the bride’s stuff.

I guess we were all paying for her flight, stay, everything, despite me already having paid $500 for a big dinner out. I just didn’t answer and thought I would deal with it when I got home since I was arriving at the airport.

Well yesterday she sent a group text to remind us to pay. WIBTA if I refuse to pay that full amount? I honestly had a shi%ty time, wasn’t treated so well, and already paid about 2k for a party when I’m not even in the wedding.

I was thinking of throwing her like $300 and saying the amount wasn’t disclosed and I can’t afford it, or would that be wrong and I should just pay it and be done with them? We are in a lot of larger friend groups together (with our fiancés/husbands) so I will definitely see the bride going forward.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Consistent-Leopard71 said:

YWNBTA. Unless paying for the bride's share was discussed and agreed to (by you) prior to the trip, don't send her a dime. Bachelor/Bacherlorette's have gotten out of control.

teresajs said:

NTA. There needed to be discussion of the costs beforehand. $750 x 4 people = $3,000 is outrageous for two nights of sharing a bed, flights and food. I wouldn't send anything.

DragonRageIlovemilk said:

NTA. Girl, you already paid a ton of money for a wedding you will not attend??? What?? Don't pay the full amount. Remind them that you already spent a haftey amount you already spent. And remind them that 1, with all due respect, you are not responsible for the 2, even if it was agreed to cover the brides expanses why are you the only one who needs to cover it. Why not split the 750 bucks between the people who arrived to the party. In my eyes they are just legit. Leeching money from you cause you are willing to pay it.

CapricornCrude said:

NTA - You are fine. This all sounds ridiculous. So glad to be my age with this kind of crap and events behind me.

taluleh said:

NTA. I had this happen to me for a birthday party. I paid my share for 3 nights of a weekend even though I was only going for 2 nights. Showed up to find out I was bunked in a room with a queen bed with someone I didn’t know. Not to mention I was told it was a “girls trip” so I couldn’t bring my bf but there were a bunch if my friend’s guy-friends there all weekend (so you can imagine how well that conversation went when I got home….)

I was then told when I arrived that there was a bunch of extra money so they hired a photographer to follow us around for a day. WTF? I mean, I would have preferred a refund for the one night stay I was not there, but sure, whatever. Then - I return home to a huge venmo bill for how much extra everything cost.

I refused to pay. My friend’s sister sent me nasty texts to the point I had to block her number - and my friendships with a friend of 10 years never recovered. This is a very long-winded way of saying you are absolutely in the right for not paying a surprise bill - but just be prepared for fallout and decide in advance if it’s worth the cost.

Disastrous-Nail-640 said:

NTA. You don’t bill someone after the fact. She’s being rude as hell and has unrealistic expectations. This should have been discussed and agreed upon beforehand. I wouldn’t pay either.

Cloakofinvisibility2 said:

NTA. I’m currently a MOH and she has a large bridal party. I made a way for the girls that could come to privately let me know whether or not they were willing to pay for the bride’s portion of the air bnb but I wouldn’t disclose who would or wouldn’t. Also, the bride is paying for everything else herself. No one was required to pay, even if they did go, and it was discussed before the trip

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this bachelorette party?

Sources: Reddit
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