'AITA for insisting my brother and SIL will be listed as parents of the groom at my wedding?'

"AITA for insisting my brother and SIL will be parents of the groom at mine and my fiancée's wedding?"

I (26m) was raised by my brother and SIL. My brother's 14 years older than me and he and SIL met in high school and started dating. He was already bringing me up because our parents did not want to parent again. They weren't great to my brother but kept him alive at least.

Without my brother, that wouldn't be true for me. I was dumped into his arms the day I was born and they told him to figure it out. When he moved out, I moved with them, and SILs parents became my grandparents. We lived as a family from that point on. I call them mom and dad even though they never adopted me. Their kids together are my siblings and we were raised as siblings with me as big bro.

They were there for everything and even helped me get into college. I met my fiancée in college and she knows my family history and so does her family. This was never a problem before wedding planning began and some of her relatives, and she has stood up to them when it comes to this, have complained about my parents being listed as such instead of being brother and SIL of the groom.

They say it already sounds weird that I call people who look only a few years older than me mom and dad. But for the wedding it will look awful and like we're wild people to be calling people who could pass for just 10 years older being listed as parents of the groom. My fiancée said it's not those relatives decision and to respect ours or they won't be at the wedding.

They said I should realize or someone in my family should realize how trashy it will look to people and how my brother and SIL will look to others. And for those who ask, my family knows how my parents and siblings and grandparents will be listed. I won't say they were demanding it but it was expected since I call them mom and dad. AITA?

The internet had a lot of comments and questions to add.

gumballbubbles wrote:

Just curious, are you inviting your parents?

OP responded:

I'm not inviting the people who made me. They're strangers to me and we don't have anything to do with them now.

Briefbed4309 wrote:

NTA. Dude, your brother and SIL didn’t just step up—they sprinted the parenting marathon while your bio-parents dropped the baton at the starting line. If anyone’s clutching their pearls over what "looks weird," maybe they should take a hard look at their own values. Real family isn’t about who looks the part; it’s about who shows up.

AcanthocephalaOne285 wrote:

NTA. Whoever is creating drama because of this can get over themselves. How dare they demand you demean your bro & SIL's efforts raising you all for their special fee fees. They're the only parents you have ever known, and they deserve that recognition. I can't imagine the hurt they'd all feel to have that erased on your special day.

No_BS4Me wrote:

Your wedding, your family, your choice. Everyone else needs to sit down and be quiet. Those worried about "how trashy it will look to people" can stay home, so they needn't be em-bare-assed. You and your fiancee don't need or want people like that in your lives. You're NTA -- but judgemental people are.

BeMandalorTomad wrote:

NTA. The only ‘trashy’ things here are these opinions, and how your parents treated you. Your brother and SIL took on a parenting role and you honoured them with the title. There is nothing to look down upon here. Your partner is a treasure for standing with you on this.

Got_The_Wiggins wrote:

NTA and kudos to your fiance for supporting you. If you're at all worried about it, even on the smallest level, plan a toast to your parents - thanking them for all they've done in stepping into that role should clear up any confusion to attendees who don't know the full story. But, if it were me, I really wouldn't worry about those attendees anyway.

pralinen91 wrote:

NTA. It's your wedding and if your brother and SIL has been raising you then they are your parents and deserves that title. Screw what other people thinks about it or comments. It's you and your fiancées wedding, make sure you both make it your day and how YOU want it with roles etc.

It's NOT trashy for your brother to have the title parent since he raised you, it's a medal and he's a hero and should be treated as such since if he had wanted to, he could have just left you but he didn't. And your SIL is the same and deserves the same!

Ok_Routine9099 wrote:

NTA. Fiancée’s family called your family trashy.

Your family is beautiful and what people should strive towards. Your fiancée’s family that are pedaling this nonsense need to either.

Understand that they are being trashy and all families look different. And they need to apologize. A lot. Or…they deserve to be minimized from your life. If they’re the party paying for the wedding, consider going smaller and not having them pay.

DontBeAsi9 wrote:

NTA and kudos to your fiancée having your back on this. Those other relatives can go kick rocks. Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials and may you and your wife-to-be have a long and happy marriage full of great communication and tons of joy.