'AITA for insulting BIL and his friend after I was set up on a blind date?'
"AITA for insulting BIL and his friend after I was set up on a blind date?"
I (26F) haven't been in a romantic relationship for years, since my last one ended. Finding a partner isn't much of a concern for me, and I honestly enjoy being on my own, but the rest of my family thinks otherwise. Especially my BIL, who has taken it upon himself to set me up; he is the kind of person who believes that marriage should be above anything else in life, and I'm wasting mine away.
He has tried to introduce me to multiple people; some I've entertained, while others I've politely refused to meet. Those whom I've met were decent people, and they have taken the rejection well. The only issue here is that I don't want to be with someone. But BIL doesn't find my reason genuine enough, and he is still on the "you haven't met the right one" shtick.
The routinely blind date happened again, only this time I wasn't told that it was one. As frustrating as my BIL's match-making hobby can be, he does usually ask for my consent or at least tell me, "Surprise! You're going on a date!" But this was different.
They invited us, both sides of the family, to dinner, and it wasn't a formal "family-only" occasion, so when he introduced his friend, I didn't think much of it. He seemed like a cool guy, and it was fun meeting him. Then, I noticed that his conversations with me were getting a bit too personal, and I had a mild suspicion that I might be on a date, but I wasn't certain of it.
Until, well into the night, the guy mentions how he also prefers to develop friendships with someone before making a romantic commitment. "ALSO!?" Further into the conversation, I learned that I'm being tricked into forming a friendship that will eventually turn into a romantic one. It was my BIL's plan to get me to test the water.
I told him that it was such a weird thing for him to do, and I called him bizarre for it. That basically ended our conversation and the night. I confronted my sister and BIL, and while my sister had no idea about what had happened, BIL thinks that I should have just given him a chance, and we did get along, so I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. It doesn't end here; friend is angry at BIL because of that horrible "date", and now my BIL wants an apology for insulting his good intentions and also, for name-caling his friend.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
sweetn0th1ngs said:
NTA. Your BIL is not your matchmaker and you have every right to live your life how you want as long as you’re not directly hurting anyone. Your BIL and family are the ones causing trouble by trying to force this on you. You haven’t met the right one yet and that’s ok, but now every time your family introduces you to anyone you’re going to automatically have your guard up because of their past actions. I hope they can take some time to reflect on why it’s so hard for them.
74Magick said:
Tell brother in law there are 3 places he can stay for free -Over there -In his lane -Out of your business. I would be extremely firm with him. Not only is he completely stomping all over your boundaries, he's setting his friends up to get their feelings hurt. Not nice. NTA.
mifflewhat said:
NTA. Meeting "the right one" only happens at "the right time;" if it ever comes for you, you'll know before BIL does. BIL's dishonesty here is a real problem.
Jaded-Jeweler-9684 said:
NTA. good lord, I hate people like your BIL. That's kind of insane behavior. Why does he care about your life so much? Not everyone has to be like him.
AgCloud said:
NTA. You've made it clear you're not interested in dating, your BIL set you up on a blind date without telling you, and now he's angry over the consequences of his own poorly crafted plan.
Clean-Fisherman-4601 said:
NTA. Many people can't believe anyone would want to be alone. I've been single for decades and love it. Had so many friends try to hook me up because how could I possibly be happy alone? Often tempted to say, "I'm sorry you don't enjoy your own company but I don't have that particular problem."
BIL overstepped completely and he earned his embarrassment all by himself. Feel a little sorry for his friend nut hopefully his friend will never trust him to arrange for a blind date again.