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'AITA for inviting my parents over after they didn't respond to my fiancee's medical emergency?'

'AITA for inviting my parents over after they didn't respond to my fiancee's medical emergency?'


Dealing with the interpersonal dynamics between a partner and your parents can be deeply stressful, depending on the situation.

"AITA for inviting my parents to my house after they didn't respond to my fiancee's medical emergency?"

My fiancée Allie(31f) is the type of person that calls people 2 or 3 times in a row when she wants to get ahold of them for anything. The first time she did this to my parents we were driving to a concert and I asked her to call my folks from my phone.

She called, they didn't pick up. She started calling my mom again right away and I asked what she was doing. My mom picked up right away worried. Allie asked our question, I told mom false alarm, hung up. She asked why my mom had been irritated and I explained to her in my family, we only call twice in a row if it's an emergency.

Allie has never followed this and will always call them repeatedly for the most mundane stuff. If one doesn't answer she'll sometimes call my other parent. All that to say a couple of weeks ago she broke her leg while working around the house. I was in a workshop for work that day and could only check my phone on breaks.

She called my parents since they live a couple streets over but neither answered their phones. She wound up having to call an ambulance. I got her message about 2 hours after she fell and went to the hospital. She was pretty mad at my parents when I got there.

I let then know what happened and they also rushed to the hospital to apologize and check on her. She didn't want them coming in so they sat outside for a bit, got her flowers from the gift shop and eventually went home. I took some time off work to take care of her and my parents have been offering help as they could. Her sister drove in to help so I could go back to work.

Last night I decided to make a nicer dinner than usual and wanted to invite my parents. I gave her a heads up I was inviting them and asked if she wanted me to rearrange some of the chairs and table so we can all eat together. She got mad I wanted to invite them and is of the mind I shouldn't be wanting to see/speak with them after they ignored her.

Her sister agrees with her and feels I'm putting my parents over my soon to be wife. Up until this point I haven't said anything to her about the situation but I did then and told her it was a massive f**k-up in communication on everyone's part and time we all talk it out to put behind us.

Neither she nor her sister think she should stop being mad at them. Was I an AH to invite my parents over? Asked info: My parents were sitting outside for their quiet time when she called. It's not unusual for them to not answer calls/texts and wait to return them later when they do that. I myself had to do the two calls routine so they knew it was urgent.

Commenters had a lot to say.

InappropriateAccess wrote:

INFO: How many calls did Allie make to your parents before calling the ambulance? More than the usual multiple calls? Did she at any point text them to say it was truly an emergency?

Edited to add judgement: NTA. Allie made the usual number of calls that she does for any occasion and didn’t text to let them know this was actually an emergency. OP certainly does not need to cut his parents off over this.

OP responded:

3 times for my mom then 2 times for my dad which, sadly, is normal for her. She didn't send them a text.

MazikeenBronze wrote:

NTA. You explained the communication norms in your family after the first time she double-called. She didn't listen, and so your parents had no way to know it was an emergency instead of just another Tuesday. Your description of a massive miscommunication sounds accurate, and talking it through would be the next right move.

Does she have an explanation for how they should have known, or is she assuming that when she wants to get ahold of someone they should drop everything and talk to her whether or not it's urgent? Because the latter isn't respecting other people's time and priorities.

NewWayBack wrote:

Everyone is focusing on the double calls, BUT, even if that wasn't an issue, it's just as possible that the parents missed the "urgent" call. They could have been napping, watching a show, yard work, etc etc.

I see no part of this story that shows the parents willingly, knowingly, nor maliciously treating your fiancee. To punish them over it is deeply into left field and not fair to anyone else in this situation.

Most likely, your fiancee felt scared, and it ramped up higher when she couldn't reach anyone to help. I would not focus on the double call situation, but on her being hurt and unable to reach anyone in an emergency. Arguing over phone habits isn't going to resolve any of this, and from her view feel like she is getting blamed for feeling alone and scared.

KaliTheBlaze wrote:


You told your fiancée how multiple calls are used in your family. She chose to ignore that, effectively crying wolf until they just started treating her multiple calls as a normal phone call because that’s what her actions repeatedly told them to do.

You can’t keep treating normal contacts like emergencies if you want people to respond to emergencies urgently. She created the mess herself because of her own insistence on being heard right away whenever she wanted.

If she’d had a little patience with your family, she never would have been in that pickle, but she lacked consideration. Why didn’t she text that it was an emergency when they treated it as a normal call? That would have let your parents know this was different, even if she refused to stop treating every time she wanted to talk to someone as an emergency.

Mansegate wrote:

INFO - is there any reason she couldn't text rather than ring? A lot more informative than just another missed call.

OP responded:

She's a call first person and unfortunately there are times her repeat calls are followed with texts.

Laines_Ecosaisses wrote:


Your wife is the AH. She has been disrespectful of your parents' time for years, refused to change when asked and then has the nerve to be pissed when the situation she created blew up in her face.

Now she is trying to alienate you from your family? WTF? She sounds like a drama queen who thinks the world should stop and respond to her, on her timetable, time for her to grow up.

OffKira wrote:

NTA, but maybe you need to consider that this is who she is, this isn't a phase. Maybe one day she'll grow out of it, but clearly she's more interested in trying to make herself a priority in people's lives, and then victimizing herself when her behavior came back to bite her.

She's 31. Really observe her behavior for what it is, and that it could get worse. Not to mention the possibility of her holding this one instance over all of your heads to get her way, and justify her bad behavior. Now every time she spam calls, you all will jump to attention just in case - which is what she's always wanted.

She doesn't care that it's annoying, she is demanding attention, and one time where she was denied, she actually did need, but her takeaway was "I was right, you deserve to be shamed for ignoring me". She thinks the world should revolve around her, and people's times and attention should always be available to her when she snaps her fingers. Again, watch for the behavior.

Sources: Reddit
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