'AITA for keeping my life the same now that my dad's married and his wife wants us to be a family?'
"AITA for keeping my life the same now that my dad's married and his wife wants us to be a family?"
My mom passed when I (17m) was a baby and my dad didn't step up so my maternal grandparents did. They helped take care of me for dad and when I started school I'd go to their house until 7 or 8pm those days.
The older I got the more time I spent with them. I technically lived with my dad but he wasn't a very good dad and he didn't ever try to be one. Without my grandparents I'm not sure where I would have been.
Probably neglected and taken into foster care if my dad was the only person in my life. His family aren't the best so I never spent much time with them. I still spend any free time I'm not hanging with friends, with my grandparents. I go to their house every day. I'll eat dinner with them and lunch and dinner on weekends if I'm not busy. I spend holidays with them and sometimes I just spend the night there.
We talked about me moving all my stuff over but on a weird chance dad would be thinking they could try for child support, we didn't want to rock the boat. My dad started dating something 3 or 4 years ago. I don't pay that much attention. She moved in with him in May and they got married in September. She has kids. I don't know the first thing about her or her kids.
But she's attempted to spend time with me and she's attempted to invite me in. I told her I was good and didn't want to get involved. Her kids will also try to hang out with me and asked me to go do stuff with them. Dad goes with them for "family time" and his wife has tried to include me but I always go to my grandparents instead. I had a three day sleepover with my grandparents for Christmas.
Before I left my dad's wife told me she wanted me to stay and be with the family for Christmas. I told her I was going to be with my family. She said she and her kids wanted to get to know me and be included in that. I told her she was nice but I wasn't interested and she should have figured it out when she didn't meet me when she was only dating my dad and I was never involved in that.
She said we could still make something great and I said no. When I got back from my grandparents house she was clearly annoyed but kept out of my way. Some of her family were visiting for dinner and I went to my grandparents again. She approached me afterward and told me I could try to spend some time with them and make room.
She said it makes her and her kids feel like s--t when I won't change even the smallest thing to try and make this work. She said all they wanted was for us to be a family and she knows my dad hasn't been the greatest to me but I could have her and her kids. She said she saw from my face I didn't want it but wanted me to know none of it was their fault and the least I could do was give them some time. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Last-Box-1265 wrote:
Where is your dad in all of this? Sounds like she’s wanting a family with you but why? Where is he? Family starts with him and I’m assuming based on his previous behaviours that that ship has sailed?
I would be continuing to do what you’re doing - you don’t owe anything to her or her kids or your dad - but your grandparents sounds like gems and I’d be making the most of all the time you have with them as (I’m not sure of their ages) mine were all gone by the time I was 21. NTA.
OP responded:
He's not involved in her trying to get me to be a part of this family she wants. It's waaaay too late and he doesn't care anyway so it doesn't matter. My grandparents aren't that old but I still don't want to lose them. I'd hate that.
gringaellie wrote:
Start moving stuff out of the house to your grandparents' place. Important stuff too like social security card, birth certificate, any other certificates you have, medical records etc. Chances are you could end up staying with your grandparents now and your dad would no longer care.
imachillin wrote:
NTA and this woman is as much a walking red flag as your “dad”. She married him without ever meeting you? What in the actual hell? Yeah this lady is a little crazy and her poor kids are taking her side because they don’t know any better. True your past situation isn’t their fault but that doesn’t mean you owe them anything.
You don’t seem resentful which amazes me but that’s good on you! I’d say go live with grandparents but I agree rocking that boat when your so close to 18 isn’t worth the drama. Just keep being civil and you’ll be out of there soon enough. Good luck and NTA. Happy New Year!!!
Swiss_Miss_77 wrote:
NTA. Time to move that stuff you have been waiting on...you are 18 in less than a year, just finish it off, move in with Grandma and Grandpa, solves the wanna be stepmom issue easily. No judge is gonna make you go back. Heck, would be a miracle if it even makes it before a judge, assuming your dad even cares to fight it.
Wait til she and your dad and the kids are out of the house, and then just move out. Get a crew of your friends and go for it in one shot. Remove anything super important on the DL immediately.
Frankifile wrote:
The woman knows she married a shit dad. Why she’s expecting you to jump at the chance of playing happy families with her (a complete stranger to you) makes no sense.
How old are her children? Are they of an age that need babysitting?
OP responded:
Her kids are under 10 but I don't know their exact ages.