'AITA for kicking my sister out after she laughed at me and my disabled wife?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for kicking my sister out after she laughed at me and my disabled wife?"

Me and my wife are both are 23, we were dating since we were 15 and four years ago we got married and our families were against us getting married so early on cause we are too young to commit but we got married and they attended but we could sense their discomfort.

Now her family and mine both get along with each other. I felt like we all were getting along cause we both are happy as a couple, and so were our families.

Seven months ago my wife had an accident she broke both of her legs and she had scars on her face which made her depressed and I tried my best to help her, and to comfort her. Doctors are trying their best, and I'm providing as much physical and emotional support as I can.

But the truth is she's paralyzed possibly for life, she's not going to go back to the way she was, she knows and so do I. I'm trying my best to help my wife. Three days ago when my sister came to visit us, she got drunk and started making fun of our situation, she started blabbering and said it's karma for hurting everyone in our family (thankfully my wife wasn't around she was sleeping).

I asked her to get in the car, and I dropped her to her place. The next day, she says that she's sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. I told her that what she said hurt me. I'd have forgiven her if she hit me, but you're making fun of what we are going through? I cannot accept that. I'm never going to talk to her ever again.

My parents are saying that my sister was drunk and I should forgive her and forget it because she was drunk. But I feel like she was extremely disrespectful to us and our struggle and making fun of us.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Tdluxon wrote:

NTA. "But she was drunk" is not an excuse! Go commit a crime and when you're in front of the judge in court tell them "I shouldn't be punished because I was drunk" and see how far that gets you. Drunk people don't just make things up out of the blue, they say the things that they have been thinking all along but when their sober are smart enough to keep to themself.

OP responded:

Actually yes, that's what I am most concerned about, I am think does my sister hate my wife so much that she's enjoying her suffering? Does she not realize that her brother is also suffering? Does she hate me as well?

I love her and I thought she loved me even tho we had a rough time but to say this all? I would've preferred if my sister berated insulted or slapped me instead of what she said, at least I could've forgiven her but she crossed boundaries and I don't know how to forget her words even if she was drunk.

MagicalTwinklewhism wrote:

NTA. Your sister’s comments were incredibly insensitive and hurtful, especially given the challenges you and your wife are facing. Being drunk doesn’t excuse such behavior. It’s understandable that you’d want to distance yourself from someone who disrespects your situation so blatantly.

Your parents may want to keep the peace, but your feelings are valid, and it’s important to prioritize your and your wife’s well-being. Setting boundaries with your sister is a reasonable response to her actions.

Alainnorman wrote:

It’s tough because I get that your sister was drunk, and sometimes people say things they don’t mean when they’re intoxicated. However, I think it’s clear that her words showed a lack of empathy or understanding. I can see why your parents want you to forgive her, but it doesn’t make what she said okay. Trust your gut, and if you feel that distance is necessary, then that's your boundary.

A little less than a month later, OP shared an update.

I made a post here about three weeks ago, tldr my sister came over and got drunk and she laughed at my wife and said it's karma that's why she got disabled, I dropped her and told her to not talk to me because I cannot accept her insults towards my wife.

Two days ago my sister called me she said she wants to talk to me cause she doesn't want to ruin our sibling relation just because she was drunk and she regrets what she said and feels guilty. I told her I cannot have this conversation with her in my house cause my wife would get hurt if she hears our conversation and I asked her to meet me at a park near our house.

When she arrived she immediately hugged me and she said she's sorry for what she said and she will make sure to never repeat the same mistake again and won't ever say something like that even if she was drunk and she wanted me to leave my wife cause she's disabled and spend my life with a partner who's not a burden to me.

I politely told her that what she said was highly offensive and rude and my wife is not a burden, if my wife was around she would be so devastated she's already suffering cause her body changed drastically and even if you hate my wife or anyone you shouldn't be enjoying their misery or make fun of it.

My sister said she is sorry and would do anything to go back to how things were, I told her that I can't forget about what she said so easily and for now she should leave, my sister just asked me to promise her to not cut her off completely which I agreed.

Now I don't know if should forgive my sister, I am obviously pissed but I think maybe I should forgive her cause she was drunk? If I ask my parents they will obviously tell me to do so as they've been trying to convince me to forgive her and I definitely cannot talk to my wife about this cause it would hurt her. She's going through a lot already.

The comments kept rolling in.

PoppingRainbow wrote:

Kudos to OP for standing up for their wife and not tolerating harmful behavior, especially from family. Forgiving someone doesn't mean forgetting what they did or making it okay, but it does allow for growth and healing. Stay strong and trust your gut, OP.

OP responded:

I am definitely going to stand up for my wife and will do so for as long as I am alive, I am her protector and her life partner that's why she trusts me and just because her body changed a bit doesn't mean my love towards also changed so easily.

I don't think I will ever be able to forget about what my sister said tho, I can forgive her but I don't got a switch in my brain that can make me forget, for now I am going low contact with her

anonomoo wrote:

I learned something online - drunk words are sober thoughts. Your sister obviously feels some kind of way about your wife. Whether due to her disability or that just being an excuse, she was wrong to behave the way she did.

You’re smart to take some time to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your sister. It’s good she understands what she did was wrong, but the fact is you can’t unsay something.

OP responded:

I know my sister doesn't like my wife, my family was against our marriage so it's not a surprise for me but I never expected my sister to say something like that to her own brother's wife, I never expected she would say something so cruel and laugh at our misery.

I am glad that at least my wife wasn't around and heard what my wife said cause she would be so sad and devastated, she's already going through so much and she's depressed. I am willing to maintain my relation with my sister as long as she keeps her feelings to herself and never speak like this infront of anyone especially my wife.

But if she ever tries to hurt my wife in any way I will definitely cut her completely out of my life and forget that I ever had a sister, maybe she is feeling guilty or she might pull something like this or worse again but only time will tell, for now I want to maintain my distance from her and focus on my wife and her body and her mental health.

[deleted] wrote:

OP I’m confused: did she say she wanted you to leave your wife because she’s a burden DURING the park visit? Or was that something she said while drunk before? If it’s the former, wtf?! She essentially just doubled down on the sentiment thinking she was making amends.

OP responded:

When my sister was drunk she laughed and said our situation was karma for hurting everyone in our family, I immediately asked her to get in the car and dropped her off. During her recent visit she said she wanted me to be with someone else instead of a 'burden'.

I know she and everyone else was against our marriage and it is not a surprise to me that she doesn't like my wife, but still I choose my wife and I will be in her life until the end. I am not completely sure if she just hates my wife for whatever reasons or she has found another woman for me or just wants to hurt my wife which is basically hurting me.

I am willing to still maintain my relation with my sister even if it's just LC, but if I sense that she wants to hurt my wife in anyway I will completely cut her out of my life, my wife and I am going through a very difficult situation already and I don't want her to suffer any further.

If my sister keeps her opinion to herself then we can still maintain our sibling bond if not then ohh well I already choose my wife above everyone and all else

Bonnm42 wrote:

No, she may have said that when she was drunk…but she doubled down by saying you should leave your Wife for being a burden the next time you saw her. I’m assuming she was sober? Your sister clearly feels this way.

If you keep in contact, you run the risk of her saying this to your wife. Either way you should tell your wife, maybe not what the comments were, but that they were enough to make you cut contact.