'AITA for kicking my sister and her boyfriend out because they don’t respect my sleep schedule?'

"AITA for kicking my sister and her boyfriend out because they don’t respect my sleep schedule?"

My (34/f) sister (27/f) and her boyfriend (28/m) moved in with me at the end of August after he was laid off from work (she doesn’t make enough to pay rent on her own). The agreement was for them to stay at my apartment through the holidays so they could save up money and he could find a new job.

All they’d have to contribute is $500 for rent and food. He has done his part and found a new job and they have been saving money for their move, which is part of the reason why I feel like I might be TA here.

I work graveyard in a small group home for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. I cannot sleep at work because I’m the only one there and I have to be awake in case one of our residents needs me or there’s an emergency.

I spend my time at work cleaning, doing documentation, changing people’s depends, making their meals for the next day, and giving a few of them their showers in the morning. Needless to say, I have to stay awake and alert the entire time I’m there. My sister has a difficult time understanding that I need my place to be reasonably quiet during the day so I can get my sleep.

I could understand some normal amount of noise, but she took it over the top. Laughing obnoxiously loud; blasting her music or TV in the living room (right next to my bedroom); having loud guests over; being very loud in the bathroom and kitchen, etc. I asked very nicely many times to please keep it down, and she always apologized and said okay.

But then she started to make it my problem and said I should buy noise-cancelling headphones or sleep at my boyfriend’s place instead. I finally got upset and told her they’re being allowed to stay with me as guests and if she can’t act as such then they need to find somewhere else to stay.

She spent the rest of the day calling all her friends and everyone in our family telling them how horrible I am for threatening to kick them out. Our parents reached out to me and asked if that was true. I told them the situation and they’re on my side, but said I should give them the month to figure things out.

I called and spoke with her boyfriend and he felt genuinely bad about the situation and had no idea this was an issue. I try not to bring him into things, but figured since this would affect him, it was only right.Now she’s even more furious with me because I “went behind her back” and called him and “manipulated” him into being on my side.

I told her look, I will give them until November 1st to figure something out, and he even said it probably wouldn’t even be that long as they could go stay with his parents, but my sister is choosing to die on this hill and make me out to be the villain when all I wanted was some quiet so I could function at work.

AITA for kicking them out? I do feel bad because her boyfriend is doing what he can and is being reasonable. I just don’t understand why my sister can’t comprehend that I can’t sacrifice my sleep and put my livelihood at risk. Thoughts?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

lemon_charlie wrote:

NTA. She is a guest in your home, she needs to respect you and not invite people over herself. The audacity in suggesting you stay with your boyfriend, effectively kicking you out of your own apartment, is staggering. Her calling you out on contacting people about this is her throwing stones in glasshouses because she did exactly that to slander you.

You need that rest because your job has you responsible for people who are unable to do things for themselves (that and sleep deprivation is dangerous). That trumps any of your sister's needs or wants in your home, or how her boyfriend is impacted. If you're on a lease, what are the rules around guests? Can you defer to that as a reason to kick out your sister?

saintsgma wrote:

Retired RN. At different points in my career, I worked overnights. The first time, I was young and living at home (with parents, four younger siblings). I just about lost my mind with constant requests (examples: did my GF call? Will you please listen for the Sears repairman? Do you know where Mom went?) I totally relate and your sister is annoying, and honestly—putting your wellbeing at risk.

Being overtired causes accidents, poor performance and even poor health. I had a meltdown at the dinner table that time (my dad was possibly the worst…) But they got it, finally. Since your sister has chosen to not understand (because honestly, it’s not a difficult concept to grasp).

I would suggest calls to her several times a night, turning on lights through a mobile app, perhaps the TV. The William Tell Overture blaring from Alexa about two hours after her normal bedtime… or my late mom’s favorite Saturday call for wake-up (4 teenagers)— Mahalia Jackson singing Onward Christian Soldiers. NTA.

Substantial_Glass963 wrote:

NTA. And the headphones or sound machine would be some steps you could take to make it more comfortable for yourself, I don’t find it an appropriate suggestion here.

She should have cut out as much as she reasonably could and if it was still a problem with her just normal living sounds, then the suggestion would be appropriate and probably would have been well received! But it doesn’t seem like she tried to minimize noise at all.

Cassowary32 wrote:

NTA. Isn't she working? When does she find the time to be so loud and obnoxious? Maybe she needs to find a second job so they can afford to move out quicker.

sammac66 wrote:

NTA, You did your sister a solid by letting her and her boyfriend stay at your place. Sounds like your sister's boyfriend is a mature, reasonable person, but your sister sounds like an entitled inconsiderate brat.

You've done nothing wrong. You need to get your sleep. Why doesn't she go to her friend's house during the day to hang out? She has Some nerve suggesting that you go stay with your boyfriends.