'AITA for lashing out at my coach's assistant for making a joke about my dad who passed?'
"AITA for lashing out at my coaches assistant for making a joke about my dad who recently passed?"
So I 16M, was at swim practice earlier today (6:30-8:30PM) and this is one of my first practices back after my dad passed in early December.
Anyways, I come in and get changed as usual, and then I get showered and head out to the pool deck.
Keep in mind, I have gained a bit of weight since the last time they have seen me and I’m quite out of shape and struggling to keep up when we start the practice. My coach says welcome back and hugs me and stuff and he basically catches me up on everything that’s happened, what I’ve missed, etc. Then we start the warm up, it was quite difficult for me as I haven’t swam in almost 2 months.
To begin the warm up, we had to dive off the blocks, my dive was really slow and sloppy as I haven’t practiced for a while. We get out of the water for the coach to explain the main set and the coaches assistant (I think she’s 38F but idk for sure) says “it’s a pity your dad couldn’t have passed a little later to save you from this practice” and she starts laughing and I’m fuming at this point.
I tell her to PO and to not talk about things like that and I left early. My mum has called the coach and told him that what was said today was unacceptable, and that she thinks it’s disgusting that an adult who I should view as an authority figure to trust and look up to would say such things. AITA?
The internet did not hold back at all.
CrimsonKnight_004 wrote:
NTA - OP, my jaw is on the freaking floor. No adult should say that to a kid, especially when that adult is in a position of authority. Heck, adults shouldn’t even be speaking that way to other adults!
That was cruel and heartless, and she should immediately be removed from her position. She has no business working with kids. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope this person doesn’t ruin swimming for you; it seems like it’s something you’re passionate about, and you should hold on as tightly to that as you can.
OP responded:
It’s just really annoying me now because I haven’t even been back to school properly yet, I’ve been going in only 2-3 days a week because I just can’t do it. Swimming used to be something I could do to take my mind off things but now it’s like a chore.
I already dreaded going back when I first took off in December, and now that I’m out of shape and struggling to keep up when I used to be the team captain and one of the best in the team with the added stress of her upsetting me with the bad joke is really making me want to quit for good. But I’m going to just work it out somehow hopefully.
hollyjazzy wrote:
NTA, that assistant coach needs to learn some empathy, sensitivity and be off coaching until they do. However, at 38, it’s probably not going to happen. Sacking them should happen though. OP, I’m so sorry you lost your father so young, that sucks. I lost my mother at 19, it’s hard, and it will take a lot of time to process the grief. Your assistant coach deserves to lose their position for that nasty comment.
OP responded:
Yeah it’s really tough losing my dad and I’m sorry about your mum. I’ve got 2 older brothers at university doing degrees so I don’t even know what they feel like right now.
It’s been mostly just me and my mum the last two months and she has been trying to sort out dad’s will since the start of January as he owned a business so there are lots of documents and other things to be signed and nobody in my family is able to take on the responsibility of the business.
I would if I was old enough but at the minute I can’t even go to school for more than 2-3 days a week at a time because I just get overwhelmed with people. Now, every time I try to talk to someone they end up bringing up my dad saying “oh I’m so sorry” and stuff and I know they mean it in a good way, but I just want to avoid it because every time I think about him I get upset.
Even writing this post I’m a bit teary-eyed. But the coach should be getting back to my mum tomorrow and hopefully by then she will either be gone or nearly gone. I don’t think I’ll go back to swimming until that coach is gone.
Academic-Dare1354 wrote:
NTA- you’ve got a good mom💕 Glad she defended you.
OP responded:
She is still really upset by losing my dad, and I didn’t want to put any stress on her or anything because she doesn’t even go to work anymore she’s moved to just working from home. I don’t want to say what my dad’s illness was online just yet, but even before he passed she had to stay home to help care for him.
I have two older brothers who helped her but they couldn’t stay any more than 3 days a week (they got to stay home at Christmas for a week) because they are at university.
It’s been really tough for her and she’s not had a break since he’s been gone between work and sorting out documents and the will and everything I just didn’t want to burden her with more stuff. I don’t get why people have to be so mean sometimes.
ReviewOk929 wrote:
NTA. “It’s a pity your dad couldn’t have died a little later to save you from this practice” and she starts laughing."
It's a sh--ty thing to say.
It's most certainly not f--king worthy of a laugh
Absolutely right to tell others what happened and her to face the consequences of saying something so shitty to a child.
CanadianNomad7 wrote:
NTA - if another teammate commented something like this, we might be able to write it off (even though it would still be not acceptable) as a stupid teenage moment, someone who doesn't know any better. However she's in her mid 30's. She's more than likely lost a loved one in her life. She should know better. How heartless.
Fantastic_Mammoth797 wrote:
NTA OP, I’m 23 now, and lost my dad myself when I was 8. Let me just say, if I could, I’d give you a huge bear hug. Losing a parent at any age is different, let alone as a kid or teen. And your mom is absolutely right, that comment from the assistant coach is absolutely disgusting.
And I’m honestly so proud of you as well for defending yourself and telling her to piss off. She as the adult, and the adult in control being an assistant coach has absolutely NO right to say anything of that sort to a student. Quite frankly, if that’s how she’s treating y’all, she has no right working with kids or teens.
OP responded:
She’s been not only rude to me but to everyone. She regularly body shames us (it’s usually me because I’m the shortest on the team for my age group or else the tallest person on the team) she’s really annoying me because I just don’t think she’s nice and like you said, she shouldn’t be working with young people because who in the right mind jokes about a 16-year-old's dead dad.
In front of them. Even the younger years at my school respect me enough to be nice to me and I’ve even had younger pupils come up and ask me if I’m okay which I appreciate. I wish the assistant coach could be nicer like them and actually do her job which is to provide support for the athletes she is helping to supervise and train.
KBWordPerson wrote:
NTA first, I am so very sorry you lost your Dad. I gained weight when I lost mine. That is completely understandable. You are NTA for snapping at her, you are NTA for leaving early, you are NTA for dragging her a-- on the internet.
OMG I hope she gets fired. What a cruel and awful thing to say.