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'AITA if I leave the family beach house without saying anything to my dad's partner?' UPDATED 3X

'AITA if I leave the family beach house without saying anything to my dad's partner?' UPDATED 3X

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"WIBTAH if I leave without saying anything?"

I (M, 28) am a law student. Over the last four semesters, I’ve focused exclusively on university, which has caused me to accumulate a lot of stress. When I told my father (70) how stressed I was, he invited me to spend three weeks with him and his partner (F, 63) at a beach house my family owns on the Atlantic coast. I happily accepted.

After all, a couple of weeks at the beach was just what I needed to unwind. A week before the vacation, my dad told me that his partner's daughter (42) and her two kids (M, 10 and M, 8) would be joining us for Christmas. My first reaction was to tell him that I was sorry, but the last thing I needed at that moment was two young kids driving me crazy.

However, he convinced me to come anyway, assuring me that the kids were well-behaved. The first week, when it was just my dad, his partner, and me, was FANTASTIC. We spent our time fishing at the creek, hiking in the woods, and I relaxed by listening to the birds sing. But everything changed at Christmas.

The “well-behaved” kids can’t go half a second without screaming at each other. Every time they eat or use the bathroom, they leave everything in an absolute mess. Worst of all, their mom keeps them glued to screens all day to keep them from bothering her, which means I have to put up with their loud, crappy music and constant Free Fire sound effects blaring at full volume.

Yesterday, when it was just my dad and me, I told him that the situation was unbearable and that I was seriously considering catching the next bus back home. He told me he understood but said I should explain myself to his partner and her daughter so they wouldn’t feel bad. This is where we disagree. In my view, I don’t owe either of them an explanation. So…AITA if I leave without saying anything?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Fit_Shayla wrote:

You don't have to tell them the truth, simply say you are heading back home to hang with some friends for the rest of the holidays.

ManaNeko wrote:

In a sense, YWBTA, because you're depriving a shitty parent of an opportunity for honnest feedback. You should tell her that you're leaving because her kids are spazzed, that it is not normal, and that it's her fault.

Jrm1102 wrote:

YTA - for only this part.

"I don’t owe either of them an explanation."

Yes, you do. You can be an adult and tell them that this trip is longer working for you. Thank them for the lovely first week then head on back. Just cutting and running is not appropriate and rude, but you can absolutely leave and protect your peace. Hell, you can even lie a little but ya gotta at least say goodbye.

curiousjosh wrote:

It’s OK to need a less stressful situation.

YWBTA if you didn’t at least say goodbye.

You could choose to just make an excuse, or you could be upfront and say you came out because you desperately needed to unwind, and you’re just not capable of doing that around kids. But just ditching without saying a word would be pretty bad.

Dear_Word8021 wrote:

It depends if you're trying to avoid an awkward conversation, or if you are feeling so anxious about having the conversation that it's detrimental to your own mental wellbeing. If you're already stressed and your anxiety is high.

I'm sure your dad could explain after you've left that you're feeling stressed and felt too anxious to talk to them in person. Look after yourself, go build yourself back up in an environment that's right for you.

A day later, OP shared an update.

1st part summary: I'm a 28-year-old student who joined my dad (70) and his partner (F,63) for a relaxing vacation at the family beach house. Initially, it was great, but things went south when his partner's daughter (43) and her two noisy, messy kids (M10 and M8) arrived for Christmas.

I'm fed up and want to leave early. My dad thinks I should explain myself to his partner and her daughter, but I don't think I owe them that. WIBTAH if I leave without saying anything? My dad, his partner, and the kids went fishing at the stream. I decided to stay at the house to enjoy a moment of peace.

Later, my dad invited me to return to the stream at night, just the two of us, to do some flashlight fishing. I agreed because I saw it as an ideal opportunity to spend some father-son time together. While we were fishing, he told me that his partner and her daughter were worried because they noticed my discomfort.

He said I should "make an emotional effort" and that "kids are kids." I responded that the "kids are kids" thing is just a BS excuse for sh--ty parenting. For example, when my sister and I vacationed at the beach house in the early 2000s, we were strictly forbidden from using electronic devices during the day.

Even at night, we weren't allowed to turn the volume above 25% so as not to disturb the neighbors. He was understanding and admitted that it's easier for him not to be bothered by loud noises because all he has to do is "unplug himself" (ie: deactivate his hearing aids). In short, I'm realizing that my dad is making a big effort to make this vacation work for everyone.

So, I’m gonna take the advice of someone who commented on my first post and "choose to be an adult" by trying to reach a compromise.

Tonight, we’re all having a conversation. And it’s very likely things will get awkward. Wish me luck.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Oh_Wiseone wrote:

The conversation doesn’t have to be awkward. Do it without the kids. “I wanted to let you know that I am considering leaving early, because this vacation is not as relaxing as I had hoped. I realize kids are kids, but I’m not use to it and really need some quiet time. I hope you understand.”

Then see if she offers any remedy. If not - then leave. Don’t argue if she tries to tell you that you are too sensitive or anything - just say “I’m not use to it and need my peace and quiet. You do you and I’ll do me”.

OP responded:

Oh, of course I'm doing it without the kids. I understand It's not their fault.

DesertSong-LaLa wrote:

NTA - 'Getting awkward' does require empathy and patience and I applaud that you're giving it a go. Sorry you are facing this but life will put us in these circumstances and gaining experience on how you navigate them is valuable.

Guido32940 wrote:

You are taking the high road, good for you. You are a better man than I. I'm a Boomer, I am not deaf, quite the contrary I have incredible hearing. I can watch the TV on 8% and still hear it. People think I'm a freak. And I am easily annoyed and distracted by loud constant noise, almost painful to my brain. I'd be wearing the f--king head phones or leaving. Lol good luck.

The next day, OP shared yet another update.

TL;DR: I’m a 28 yo law student who’s been stressed from university. I went on vacation with my dad (70), his partner (F,63), the partner's daughter (43) and her two kids (M10 and M8). The first week was peaceful, but the kids’ behavior and constant noise made it miserable.

I tried to cope and was planning to have an adult conversation to sort things out, but then I realized my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s is progressing faster than I thought. After a frustrating incident with the kids, I snapped, packed my stuff, apologized to my dad, and left the vacation early.

I'm writing this from the bus on my way home. So, as you can probably guess, the outcome of my decision to act like an adult and try to compromise wasn’t great. The conversation I was supposed to have with my family didn’t even happen because two things went down that made everything escalate quickly.

First, I called my grandfather to wish him a happy new year. But when I was talking to him, I noticed he didn’t remember one of my cousins’ names. That made me realize his Alzheimer’s is progressing way faster than I thought, and I want to spend as much time with him as possible before he loses all his cognition.

At the end of the day, the family beach house will always be there, and I’ll have plenty of chances to spend summers there without any bratty kids around.

And speaking of bratty kids, the other thing that happened is while I was comfortably napping, they started fighting over the TV remote.

I tried to ignore them, but the fight turned physical and they started throwing things. Before I knew it, a kid’s sneaker landed on my right leg, just a few inches from my testicles. This, combined with the stress from university and the sadness about my grandfather’s health, made me snap.

Right then, I got up, didn’t say a word, and started packing my stuff to leave ASAP. Once I was done, I apologized to my dad, told him the vacation just wasn’t working for me, and headed to the bus station. Anyway, to whoever is reading this, I appreciate you and wish you a prosperous 2025.

The comments kept coming in response.

precioussophia wrote:

NTA. Sounds like you hit your limit and left respectfully, sometimes it’s better to walk away than blow up. hope you get some good time with your grandpa.

Constant_host_3212 wrote:

NTA but as someone who has dealt with the dementia of 3 elders: Realize that it's often not linear. Your grandfather may remember the cousin's name tomorrow. He may lose other words. He may have days when he's confused and days when he's sharp as a tack.

Your desire to spend time with him is fantastic, but don't expect cognitive impairment to follow a predictable or linear progression, or treat him like losing a name or a word means he's next door to "losing all his cognition."

Robinnoodle wrote:

I was afraid you "snapping" was much worse. Although abrupt, I think a swift packing and departure wasn't out of the question with everything going on. You communicated to your dad without throwing anyone under the bus NTA. Unfortunately, keep in mind if your dad and this lady stay together, you will probably be seeing more of them in the future.

Perhaps try to find a way to coexist with them when things aren't so stressful (school and your grandfather). For now, keep visits brief. Maybe find a way to spend time just you and your dad. Or you, your dad and your grandfather. My condolences on his health struggles.

A week later, OP shared another update.

This is gonna be the longest update because it needs some context to make sense. I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. I’m from a country that went through some pretty intense times during the second half of the 20th century. In the early '70s, there was a military coup that led to a dictatorship that lasted until the mid-'80s.

During this time, some areas of the country where clashes between government troops and the guerrillas were common were turned into military zones. When the dictatorship ended, most of these areas were demilitarized.

In the mid-'80s, my dad was a newly graduated engineer and newly married to my mom when one of his friends told him about one of these recently demilitarized areas that had major tourist potential. The land was dirt cheap, and it was likely that the area would develop, making its value shoot up in the coming decades.

My dad, who’s always had a good sense for business, saw it as a long-term investment and bought a 560-square-meter (around 6,000-square-foot) plot from the local government for an insanely low price. In the following years, my parents started building a vacation home in a place that, to put it mildly, was pretty underdeveloped.

There was no electricity or running water, so we had to use kerosene lamps for light, bathe with well water, you get the idea. As the years went by, my dad’s friend’s prediction came true. The area became super popular with city folks looking to get away, and the government started investing in infrastructure. The value of the house went up.

Things were going great for my family until everything went downhill in the 2000s.

First, there was a major economic crisis, so the company my dad worked for was sold to foreign investors, and he got laid off.

And the worst part: my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. So my dad was left with two young kids, no job, and his wife battling a horrible illness. With the severance pay, my dad started a keychain manufacturing business, which my mom also helped with when she was able.

The business did pretty well, and between that and the income from renting out the vacation house during the tourist season, they managed to make ends meet. But just when it seemed like things were starting to look up, everything went south again: my mom’s cancer spread to her brain. From then on, her health steadily declined, and she passed away in 2007 at just 42 years old.

I’m not gonna get into what happened in the years after that because it’s not important for this story. I’ll just say that going through my teenage years without my mom was tough, and it marked me in ways I'm still dealing with. Also, according to the inheritance laws in my country, the vacation house was divided equally among my dad, my sister, and me. So we each got a third.

As time passed, the town kept developing faster and faster. Also, my sister and I entered the workforce, and together we invested money into fixing up the house to rent it out for a better price. The house, which didn’t even have water or electricity at first, is now one of the most comfortable and best-equipped homes in the area.

A few years ago, my dad, my sister, and I made an agreement. Since we all own the house equally and the tourist season in that area only lasts three months (December to February), each of us gets one month to do whatever we want with it: use it for or own vacation or rent it out to tourists for extra income. This arrangement has been working perfectly so far.

My dad takes January, and that’s how what I mentioned in my earlier posts happened: I was stressed out with university, my dad invited me to spend a few weeks at the vacation house, the bratty kids made everything miserable, and I apologized to my dad and left early.

Right now, I’m a little short on cash, and February is my month to have the house, so I decided to rent it out for some extra income.

Well, two days ago, the mom of the bratty kids texted me saying she wanted to stay at the house for a few days in February (my month). I told her the price would be $55 per night. A few minutes later, she called and told me she thought I was “doing her a favor” because “we’re family.”

I told her that, actually, I was doing her a favor since renting a house with those amenities during peak season usually costs at least $65 a night.

She hung up on me without saying a word, and now here I am, wondering what I’ll have to do to get her to leave the house free for the tourists I’ve already booked for the first days of February. I really hope it doesn’t get to the point where I have to call the authorities. Wish me luck.

The internet was deeply invested.

Moist-Release-9227 wrote:

NTA. I'd talk to your dad about who he is leaving his share of the house when he passes.

OP responded:

We’ve already had this conversation. And we’re already in the process of transferring ownership of the house to my sister and me before my father marries his current partner.

Kittytigris wrote:

Either she leaves or you tell your dad she needs to leave or you’ll haul her and her family and their stuff out of there the day before you’re due to have the place to yourself.

She can choose to leave peacefully or she can be humiliated by having everyone see her and her family literally tossed out of the house and called gold diggers or names. Make sure you have law enforcement there if you can, to have them removed or some good friends to look scary.

TravisBravo wrote:

You offered to rent to her but you already had tourists booked? That doesn’t line up.

OP responded:

Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough. I offered her the rental because I was 99% sure she was expecting to stay for free... which is exactly what ended up happening.

Nana_tonks13 wrote:

From your update, I knew that you were part of Mercosur, due to the holiday season.

NTA. You should talk to your father about what is happening and say that you will not lose your income days so that his stepdaughter can have a free vacation.

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