'AITA for leaving the dry wedding early to go out for drinks?'
"'AITA for leaving the dry wedding early to go out for drinks?'"
So two weeks ago I 35f went to a wedding in our college town for a member of our college friend group. My husband and I left the kids with my parents and we went. We got a Vrbo with another couple I went to college with for a few days. My husband and I don’t have a ton of time to ourselves away from the kids so we were excited to let loose.
On the invitation it said the wedding went to 11 with an after party with the bride and groom at the venue. The venue was a gorgeous mansion and the bride and groom had it for the night, they were leaving for the honeymoon the next morning. Cut to wedding day and it’s a dry wedding.
Apparently the groom is two years sober. No one told us this and we were admittedly bummed. When we found out there was no alcohol we told people we were going to some bars after and not going to the after party. We left the wedding at 9:30 because we were itching to go out and the wedding was boring. Pretty much the whole college crew left around that time and went out.
Apparently, the bride's friend group did not stay for the party, the groom's did and the optics were very lopsided at the party. We all heard from the bride about this and she called us AHs for leaving. She said that she didn't feel supported and felt like we were spiting her now husband for his sobriety. I told her that she was reading too much into it.
We just wanted to go out. She is especially mad at me as I'm looked at as the ringleader of this outing. I don't think I've done anything wrong AITA?
Edit: Ceremony was at 5, Reception at 6.
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
StarbieBarbie wrote:
YTA - You are going to get a lot of "if you can't have fun without alc then you have a serious addiction problem and you suck" crowd but I don't agree with that sentiment at all and I think it misses the point entirely so I want to be clear that's not why I'm voting YTA.
I do think that couples should disclose that ahead of time so that people can plan for it since alcohol at weddings is the norm.
But you are an AH for this: "we told people we were going to some bars after and not going to the after party. We left the wedding at 9:30"
You were talking crap AT HER WEDDING, and then you formed a whole group to leave her party early. That's a bad friend. Skipping her dry after party to go out after would be totally fine, expected even, but to leave the wedding early and bringing a group with you??? Yeah, you suck super super hard.
She is trying to support her now husband and she'll be supporting him like that during the whole marrige and you couldn't even support your friend for 1.5 more hours? Life isn't about only ever doing what you want to do. You are running on a greedy algorithm, only choosing what makes you happy in the moment, others be damned, and that's not what makes a good person.
Sometimes we have to sit through long ceremonies for our siblings. Sometimes we have to go to boring art shows for our friends. Sometimes we have to participate in boring parties to celebrate the people we love. Get over it!
Ok-Acanceae wrote:
YTA - That's kind of a crappy way to treat a "friend." Basically you all abandoned the wedding celebration, and I'm guessing she was looking forward to celebrating her wedding with her "friends." Hence why you were invited. And it was a reasonable expectation of hers that you actually wanted to celebrate her marriage, since you went.
Honestly, you should go to weddings to celebrate and support the marriage of the friends and/or family, drinking should never a necessity. Even if you were bummed about the alcohol, celebrating and being happy for your friend would take priority over you getting wasted.
tralfamadoriest wrote:
YTA. I’m going to get downvoted because people seem to hate dry weddings, but as someone with a partner in recovery, I will never understand why people can’t go without for one night to support someone you supposedly care about.
You picked getting wasted over spending time with your friends for the entire reason you were out to begin with.
Edit: I knew a load of folks would hate this, and you did not disappoint!
kevin2357 wrote:
NTA. 10pm is a perfectly reasonable time to leave a wedding. Some guests started filtering out of my wedding at like 8:00 and I didn’t cry about it; just hugged them and sincerely thanked them for coming.
bartkurcher wrote:
NTA for leaving. I suppose it would be polite to NOT say anything when you’re going. But I don’t think leaving a wedding at 9:30pm is an AH move. If you were going to pick up your kids or something, I don’t think she’d be upset.
She’s upset because she’s embarrassed. And she’s only embarrassed because ALL her friends left. You’re not responsible for everyone’s actions. Also I’ve never heard of a wedding “after party.”
SoMuchMoreEagle wrote:
YTA I understand that you don't get much time just the two of you away from the kids, but you should be able to have fun without drinking. You were with all your college friends. You guys can't have fun together without drinking?
"When we found out there was no alcohol we told people we were going to some bars after and not going to the after party. And you encouraged others to ditch the after party, too."
That's especially crappy. You didn't even give yourselves a chance to have fun without booze.