'AITA for leaving my boyfriend's friend group chat after they kept joking about me?'
"AITA for leaving my boyfriend's friend group chat after they kept joking about me?"
So I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for about 6 months now. a few weeks ago, he added me to his group chat with his close friends cause we were all gonna meet for a trip they were planning. at first it was chill, they were welcoming and all, but then the “jokes” started.
It started off small like calling me “miss influencer” when I’d post selfies, or saying stuff like “oh she’s high maintenance” when I mentioned I liked getting my nails done. I laughed it off even tho it made me kinda uncomfortable. But then one of them sent a meme about girls who “trap guys” and tagged me in it like “yo this you?” and everyone reacted with laughing emojis. I didn’t even know what to say.
The thing is, I don’t even post anything that crazy online. I mean, I try to look cute, sure, but I don’t think I give off that vibe...you can probably see what I mean. I asked my boyfriend in private if he could maybe say something cause it was getting kinda disrespectful, but he said “they’re just joking, don’t take it personal.”
So a few days ago I just quietly left the group chat. I didn’t make a scene or anything. now some of them are calling me “too sensitive” and my boyfriend says I made it awkward for him with his friends. But like… if I don’t feel comfortable, isn’t it okay to just step away? AITAH for leaving the chat?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Brmbrm21 wrote:
NTA.
Life is nicer when you get away from AHs.
OP responded:
Agree!!
Top-Spite-1288 wrote:
NTA. So...you leaving because you are being made the butt of a joke pretty much constantly is making it awkward for BF, but you being b#$lied (yes, "jokes" at the expense of one person that is being singled out all the time is bu#$ying!)
Is not awkward? I see...maybe your BF should stop being so sensitive! (BTW: any reason why you are still with a guy who let's his friends harass you and does not stand up for you?)
Thin-Introduction491 wrote:
NTA at all. You set a boundary in the chillest way possible-you didn't blow up, you didn't call anyone out, you just removed yourself from a situation that was making you feel disrespected. That's not being "too sensitive," that's protecting your peace.
You were totally within your right to dip from the chat. If your boyfriend thinks that's "making it awkward," maybe he should be more concerned about why his friends made you feel that way in the first place. You're not wrong for wanting basic respect.
WaryScientist wrote:
NTA but red flags. My husband, who I’ve been with for 20 years, would NEVER allow any of his friends to pick on me the way your boyfriend is allowing his friends to pick on you. Honestly, your boyfriend probably makes the same jokes when you’re not around, which is why the friends feel comfortable degrading you openly.
DDobbythefree14 wrote:
First of All, NTA. You were in an uncomfortable situation and you removed yourself from it. No one can say you didn't have every right to do that. That being said, I see a lot of comments here saying how your BF is TA and some other things along those lines.
Is he silly or a bit naive to invite a girl into the boys group chat? Absolutely!! ? Is he an AH? I don't think so. This here is a perfectly mild example of why boys never let their girlfriends see the group chat.
100% This is how the guys usually interact and make fun of each other all the time. Some wild s--t gets posted on these groups. I've seen things on my own group chats that have made me want to poke my eyes out. I've been torn to shreds being made fun of, and I've done the making fun of. That's just how boys are. And being the "New kid in the group" you will get singled out for a time.
With that context, asking your BF to reign his friends in is never gonna happen. Asking a number of guys (I don't know how many are on the chat: 5 or 6? I dunno) to adjust their behaviour on THEIR group chat on account of one person is asking for too much. No man has that kind of authority in the chat ? Where your boyfriend f--ed up, is by not supporting you in your decision to leave the group.
That's what makes him TA. If he can't make the situation you're in comfortable, he should at the very least support you in removing yourself from that situation. And that goes as a more general relationship rule. A partner may not like, understand or be able to do anything about any given issue, but they should support you in a way that makes you feel better about it, and handle it, regardless.
ghost-king8 wrote:
You’r boyfriend is friends with pick-mes…run girl run. You’re allowed to do whatever you want even if you posted every single day and refused to leave the house without makeup and it still wouldn’t justify banding together and making fun of you for it. You do not have to explain that to anyone especially some girls your BF socialize with. Break up with him nowwwwwewww ??✨
Spiritiual-Handle2983 wrote:
NTA, his friends are being super disrespectful and your bf no better for letting it go on. It’s so weird when people feel the need to put others down. You’re not one of the guys and you are new to even knowing them! It really sounds like they are probably jealous your bf is dating you or there’s a joke you’re not in on.
Pitiful-cook9755 wrote:
I ended up dating my ex best friends (now ex) girlfriend because he was essentially pimping her out to our friend group to clown on. Everything was a set up to joke on her or make judgements l comments as the only woman in the group chat.
We naturally built a bond from NOT enjoying or wanting to participate in that dynamic. I encourage you to listen to how you feel and want to be treated and respond accordingly.