'AITA for leaving without explanation after MIL pretended not to hear me?'
"AITA for leaving without explanation after MIL pretended not to hear me?"
I 32F have a 7mo daughter with my husband 34M. My country does ensure a long maternity leave for up to 2 years, however I am self employed and cannot afford to lose my clients so I try to work while my daughter is sleeping and during the weekends. Lately she's been teething so I'm operating on little to no sleep.
I have an issue with my MIL. She does what she wants despite people asking her not to and then says 'oops' or denies doing it. Things like that. It was annoying before the baby but after she was born it has become insufferable.
Husband talked to her and set boundaries, so she stopped doing that when my husband is present but she was still doing it when it's only me in the room. So we agreed she cannot visit when husband is not at home and husband is not to leave me alone with her.
Because of these boundaries we did not see them for 1.5months. They live 2hr away and we did not find a mutually good time. They finally came over last Sunday. 20 min into the visit my FIL wants to see a lawnmower that has broken down so my husband goes into the backyard with him, leaving me, the baby and MIL inside.
She's drinking coffee and eating cake. She sits next to my daughter on her playmat and tries to feed her some of her cake. I immediately told her no, she can't have that. MIL pretends not to hear me and proceeds putting her spoon to my daughter's closed mouth.
I repeat stop doing that, she can't have cake yet and definitely not from your spoon. Still she pretends not to hear me. I repeat it again, still nothing and now there's cake on my baby's face and she's fussing. So I grab my daughter and go to my husband and FIL, subtly gesturing him to come back inside.
After about 5mins MIL decided to go outside too and was approaching me and the baby. I gestured to my husband again and he made an annoyed face. I had no energy to deal with any of this so I stood up, went inside, grabbed baby bag and car keys and went to the car without saying a word. MIL asked me where I was going and I ignored her.
I drove to my sister's, which is about 15 min drive. There were some missed calls from my husband so I texted him where we were and that we'll be back in the evening. It was time for my daughters nap and she fell asleep breastfeeding so my sister told me to go sleep too.
After she woke up and had her milk my sister took her and told me to go back to sleep. I slept ~3hrs in total and my phone was on silent so my husbands calls were ignored and apparently his parents left disappointed and MIL cried.
My husband is furious I did this. We're still fighting about it. He can't believe I was so rude and took the baby away when his parents came to see her after such a long time. He's angry I couldn't have waited a few minutes so that he could finish talking about the lawnmower. I told him I'm too exhausted to deal with this sh%t. He left me alone with MIL despite our agreement (be it only 10 mins) so I left. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ano93g said:
NTA. Your MIL should respect your boundaries and especially when it’s about YOUR baby. And your husband should have your back on that. I do understand that it must be uncomfortable and hurt him, seeing his mother cry and be upset, but then he should talk to her about it instead of making you the bad person.
The only thing I think you did “wrong” was that you didn’t pick your daughter up after the first time you said it and MIL didn’t listen. Maybe that would have made things go more smooth, but then again it shouldn’t really be necessary.
I do think that it is important that you stand up for your boundaries, and your husband should support you on that.
Pleasant-Koala147 said:
NTA. But you have a husband problem as much as a MIL problem. So MIL was ignoring your instructions about your child, so you went to your husband so he could deal with his mother. Except a lawnmower, which would still be there after the conversation with you finished, was more important than his agitated wife and child. And instead of checking if you were ok, he had a go at you for making his mother cry.
You need to have a serious talk with your husband about how much he is actually supporting you with your child and with his mother. When you have that conversation, do not let him distract you with “but they were upset”. MIL behaved inappropriately, he ignored you, so you left.
Their behavior created the issue, you let him know where you were and when you’d be back. Do not let him turn any of this back on to you. He and his mother have a lot to apologize for.
Ok-Sentence-731 said:
NTA. What is it with older people and feeding cake to babies? My grandma tried to give cake to my daughter when she was 3 or 4 months old...
Ok-Interview-7328 said:
NTA. MIL can’t go 10 minutes without trying to pull something? That’s not your fault or problem.
Fantastic_Cow_6819 said:
NTA. Why does he care more about your MILs feelings than yours? I’d show him this post so he can read the comments.
The deal was that she’s only around the baby when he’s there. That’s a useless deal if he’s not physically there in the room. The fact that she started with her BS immediately after he left shows she can control herself and does it on purpose. Your husband is blind and spineless.
Balawulf said:
I understand your husband can't be at two places at once. Still should have put your MIL on a leash in the garden or something, since she just won't stop. NTA.
MichaelAllen05 said:
Your MIL obviously never respected you in the first place based on your description of her past behavior. I'd be furious as well if I were you seeing her keep shoving cake into the baby's face. Her teeth haven't even fully developed yet, what if she ate it and got choked? Who's gonna be responsible?
You leaving the house is completely justified. Not only did you avoid conflict by doing so, I'd argue that you were protecting your baby from her insensitivity as well. Her crying were just crocodile tears trying to gain sympathy from your husband. NTA.