'AITA for letting the house get disgusting to prove a point to my roommate?'
"AITA for letting the house get disgusting to prove a point to my roommate?"
I (26F) have lived with my roommate, Jenna (27F), for about a year and a half. We met through mutual friends and got along well enough at first. She’s fun to hang out with, we have similar schedules, and for the most part, we respect each other’s space. The one issue? Cleaning. From day one, I took on more of the household chores.
Not because I love cleaning, but because Jenna is the type who will leave dishes in the sink “to soak” for days, or let hair pile up in the shower drain until it’s practically its own organism. At first, I didn’t mind, some people just don’t notice messes the way others do. I figured if I kept things relatively tidy, she’d eventually catch on and do her part. Spoiler: She did not.
I started feeling resentful when I realized she wasn’t even attempting to contribute. If I didn’t sweep the floors, they wouldn’t get swept. If I didn’t wipe the counters, they’d stay grimy. I brought it up casually a few times, saying things like, “Hey, could you grab the vacuum today?” or “Maybe we can trade off on bathroom duty?” She’d always say “Oh, for sure!” and then… nothing.
The real breaking point, though, was when I overheard her telling our mutual friends that she was the one who “keeps the place running.” I was in my room, and she was on a FT call with some friends, chatting about how exhausting it was to always be the one “picking up the slack” at home.
She even told her mom that she was the only one making sure the apartment stayed livable. That night, I asked her kind of jokingly if she really thought she did all the cleaning. She laughed and said, “Well, I mean, I do my part.” I just nodded, deciding then and there that I was done. If she really believed she was the one keeping the place together, she could prove it.
So, I stopped cleaning. Completely.
Dishes piled up. The bathroom sink became a toothpaste crime scene. Dust bunnies turned into dust wolves. I waited.
At first, Jenna didn’t seem to notice. But after about a week, she finally commented, “Wow, the place is kind of a mess.” I just said, “Yeah, weird, right?” She muttered something about being busy and wiped down one counter, ONE SINGLE COUNTER. Before sighing dramatically and going back to scrolling her phone.
Another week passed, and I could tell she was starting to get annoyed. One night, she came into my room and asked, “So… are you planning on doing the dishes?” I said, “Oh, I thought you were the one keeping things clean?”
She got super defensive, saying she does clean, just in a “less obvious way” and that I was being petty. I said I just assumed she’d keep doing what she said she’d been doing this whole time.
She rolled her eyes and said I was making things uncomfortable for no reason. I don’t love living in a dirty apartment, but I refuse to clean up just so she can keep pretending she’s the responsible one. But now I’m wondering if I took it too far. AITA for letting the apartment turn into a disaster just to prove a point?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Fancy-Conversation42 wrote:
We can all agree that this is petty af…that being said, NTA.
OP responded:
Yeah ofc its petty but still...the entitlement on that girl haha.
Shadow4summer wrote:
Maybe she’ll realize she wasn’t doing as much as she thought she was.
OP responded:
Lets hope that will also lead her to start cleaning more.
LustrillaRain wrote:
NTA. Sometimes you gotta let the chaos reign to expose the system, ya know? But real talk, maybe it's time for a roommate meeting with a chore chart or something, because living in a 'toothpaste crime scene' ain't it.
Limp-Paint7244 wrote:
Nope. Just wash your own dishes. Wipe one counter. Wipe one spot at the table. Keep your own room (and bathroom if you have separates) immaculate. Wash all the dishes then let her know from now on she has to wash her own (as she should have been) wash all your own. When you have a sink full of dishes go and deposit them in her bed. Maybe she'll get the hint.
thecatlady65 wrote:
NTA! I think I would’ve taken it a step farther. Every single dish that she used would go in her room every pile of hair that was hers would go in her room, every dirty article of clothing every towel that she had used anything that could be directly related back to her use would’ve been put in her bedroom.
Also word of warning when you have a roommate never share a single bathroom. I always find a two bedroom two bathroom apartment believe it or not. They’re not usually that much more expensive.
CelticDK wrote:
“You’re the most selfish person I know. I’ve clearly proven to you that your comfort is only possible by my discomfort and not only do you not care, you’re insulted that I dare stand up for myself because to you, contributing your fair share is me harming you."
"Then you go further and lie to your 'friends' and mom because you know if you told them the truth, they’d be disgusted. I’m done. I’m doing my share and I won’t be continuing to live with you after this time is up”
NTA. She’s gonna cry, blame you, curse you, make you the bad guy, beg you to stay - all of it. Remember who she is and don’t give in anymore
PS: I don’t see it as petty to prove your point.
Choice_Bug_3441 wrote:
NTA. In my first apartment with a roommate, all the dishes, silverware, glasses, etc. were mine. My roommate always left them in the sink, never cleaned anything, wouldn’t vacuum, wouldn’t do a thing.
I talked to her about it so many times and finally, I bought a new cabinet for my bedroom and moved everything in the kitchen (which was 90% of all kitchen supplies) to my room. If she couldn’t respect my stuff, she wouldn’t be using it!