'AITA for not letting my brother invite his new gf and her son to my wedding at the last minute?'
"AITA for not letting my brother invite his new gf and her son to my wedding at the last minute?"
I’ve been planning my outdoor mountainside wedding for a year and it’s happening in two weeks. 9 people are invited and our intent was always to have a private and intimate ceremony. The family that is coming are flying in from out of state and we RARELY get everyone together like this.
Our parents (who are older) and closest friends aren’t invited, but they will be coming to our reception back home in a few months from now. We have a house rented for a week, private chef hired, and everything is paid by headcount. We’re so excited to host everyone and have an entire week of family time planned.
My brother, who is 42, started dating someone less than a month ago. He came to me last week telling me she would be coming to the wedding. When I told him no, his response was “if she can’t go, then I won’t go” and offered to share his food with her. It was still a hard no. Feeling forced to compromise, we agreed that she could come after the ceremony, which he appreciated.
Now, he is saying that the girl is planning an outing for a day to take my other brother and his kids out to get to know this girl AND she wants to bring her 8-year-old son to the house rental. I again tell him no and said it’s inappropriate for a young boy to meet our family after they just started dating.
The only grace I will give my brother is that he hasn’t been dating or in a relationship in several years. So he’s very excited and I’m very happy that he’s happy, but…I can’t wrap my head around how he feels entitled to this. He completely disagrees with me and is making me feel like I’m the one being rude and unreasonable. So let’s hear it Reddit. AITA?
The internet was full of opinions.
EmceeSuzy wrote:
You are NTA and I think you've gotten yourself into a pickle by not holding your ground.
I do find it unusual that your parents and closest friends are not invited to your micro wedding. Can you say more about who is invited and why?
In any case, I think you need to call your brother and tell him that you've realized that it will not work out for him to bring his girlfriend and that you understand and accept that he will not be attending.
OP responded:
The guests are supposed to be my two brothers. One brothers wife and three kids. My partners brother, his wife, and one kid. Our brothers have been our closest confidants. We’ve also been together for 14 years so we’re really only having this ceremony for ourselves.
Our parents are wonderful, but we simply wanted a very intimate and private ceremony. We’ll be hosting a reception back home for 50-75 ppl.
fluffyfeather80 wrote:
NTA. Tell him if you didn't include parents then you can't include girlfriends and children that you have never met before. It's opening a can of worms for other people to be upset that they weren't invited because of how intimate you were trying to keep it but then you go and allow two extra people you don't even know. If he refuses to come then that's on him, not you.
OP responded:
That’s a really good point on how others would feel if she came at all. Thanks!
WandaMcMimzy wrote:
NTA. You never should’ve caved. I’d tell him that this has become too much for you, and it’s better to go back to the original plan.
OP responded:
Heavily leaning this way after the amazing response from you all. I feel so validated.
extinct_diplodocus wrote:
NTA. When he first threatened to not attend, you should have simply replied, "I'm sorry. We'll miss you." You'd have been spared all of this escalation. With under a month's dating her, he seems to be treating this as if they'd been living together for years. This is rather a lot of undue rush.
fancyandfab wrote:
I'm majorly side eyeing this woman. After a month she shouldn't have introduced her child to a random man, let alone bring him to a family wedding and stay at lodging for family. I hope her child is okay.
Do not let GF or son be in any pictures. When they breakup, he'll be trying to stop you from displaying your wedding photos if she's included. I would've probably told him to kick rocks, they couldn't come regardless. NTA.
CrystalQueen3000 wrote:
NTA.
I have food in my fridge older than his relationship, he shouldn’t be pushing for an invite for a plus one to a micro family only wedding.
Lizzydeathstar wrote:
Absolutely NTA especially given the extremely low head count of this intimate affair. I wouldn't have even said yes to the initial part you graciously conceded on and now they're pushing for more? Super rude and entitled.
TrainingDearest wrote:
NTA. It's probably because he's very excited and doesn't have a lot of current dating/relationship experience that he's stepping all over common wedding etiquette boundaries. You are right to block the new gf and her son as much as you want to, this is your wedding, not his family reunion or some other type of get together.
The purpose of your wedding is to celebrate your union, not to provide a Meet & Greet for his gf. It was maybe-okay for him to make the Ask, but he should've respected your No.
Lazuli_rose wrote:
NTA. You don't invite 2 extra people to a wedding without asking the hosts, period. Much less expect them to share a rental home with the hosts and family when they have barely been dating for a month. I get he's excited to be in a relationship, but this is ridiculous.
ryguy4136 wrote:
NTA. It’s wild of him to invite someone without telling you. It’s wilder of him to invite a second person without telling you, after you were unhappy about the first. And it’s wild of her to even want to come to such a small, family-only wedding and stay in a house with a man she barely knows and his family. Less than a month? 😳
IAmTAAlways wrote:
NTA, you have a intimate wedding planned. Inviting someone you don't know and her kid isn't intimate. You're going to have pictures of a stranger in your wedding album. Tell him no and if he doesn't come to his brother's wedding over a fling, that's his loss.