'AITA for letting people know I was the only one not invited to our coworker's wedding?'

"AITA for letting people know I was the only one not invited to our coworker's wedding?"

So a woman in my department got married. Everyone in the department (10, excluding bride) was invited except for me. I was personally told the wedding was being kept small as they didn’t want to spend extravagantly. The others were told that I couldn’t attend.

At a department meeting following the wedding when the bride was back from the honeymoon, everyone was talking about the wedding. A coworker commented it was a shame I couldn’t attend; I remarked that I wasn’t even invited. I could see the bride's face visibly change and now she is mad at me and out working relationship is cordial at best.

To further this, our department had a dinner and celebration for her and I contributed to the gift. The date was selected and changed based on others availability, but I couldn’t attend due to a trip overseas I had planned last year. It wasn’t even discussed if it could be changed so I could attend.

The person organizing it was another coworker and her best friend. I think this other coworker and not the bride herself is the one behind my exclusion for some reason unbeknownst to me. So AITA for clarifying that I was never even invited in front of the whole department that was told that I couldn’t attend?

The internet had lots of comments and questions to add.

cascadia1979 wrote:

INFO: Why would the bride have chosen to exclude you in particular? What might have happened in the past between you two that could have caused her to exclude you? I don't think you're an AH for saying you weren't invited, it's the truth, but I do wonder what the backstory is here.

OP responded:

No backstory. We had a really good work relationship, everyone in department gets along. No idea why the exclusion. The other coworker (who is her best friend) seems to not like me and I have no idea why. I’ve been working with them for 4 years and they were already here for a few years together before that.

And it’s not like I took a job they should’ve gotten because they don’t have the skills to do the job I do and that’s not even a question. They aren’t on that level and won’t be. They do more admin type work.

Peony-Pony wrote:

"At a department meeting following the wedding when the bride was back from the honeymoon, everyone was talking about the wedding. A coworker commented it was a shame I couldn’t attend; I remarked that I wasn’t even invited. I could see the bride's face visibly change and now she is mad at me and out working relationship is cordial at best." NTA.

Why is she mad? You weren't invited to the wedding. She used the pretense that it was a small wedding and no one from work was invited. If she's embarrassed, oh well, don't lie.

GoodTodd1970 wrote:

NTA - "Tell the truth and shame the devil," my grandma would say. You told the truth in the face of a lie. It would be insane for the bride or anyone else to expect you to lie when the original deception was to your detriment.

Stellarphenom420 wrote:

NTA. Not your job to lie for them to save face. They should've known it would've come to light given the limited number of people in the department. I would've doubled down. "Oh I wasn't invited- I was told they were keeping the wedding small. At least I know where I stand with the bride now tho! Guess I shouldn't have contributed to the gift, huh?"

tsscaramel wrote:

NTA. I don’t know what she expected but it was eventually going to come out that you weren’t invited imo especially if the stuff about dates being moved around to suit everyone except you is factual. She was clearly the one lying about it and your correction didn’t seem malicious so personally I see no issue with it.

Laines_Ecosaisses wrote:

NTA. Same thing happened to me. Every other woman in the office invited to a baby shower. I only knew because someone suggested we ride together. I was friends with the mother but this was when I discovered that the host (another co-worker) didn't want "my kind" in her home.

The mother said she felt bad I was excluded but really needed all shower gifts so she said/did nothing. So the bride in this post may not have excluded OP but she sure as hell knew about it. Too bad if she feels awkward now. Be cordial, do your job but remember these are not your actual friends.

HotShoulder3099 wrote:

When I got married I was working in a really big office where I got on with everyone and I had a really hard time working out who I could invite without seeming to draw mean lines - you know those sort of overlapping circles you get with work friends? I spend weeks working it out and I was happyish with where I landed, and everyone said yes so my guest list was full.

Then about a week later one of the girls I’d ummed and ahhed about and ultimately not invited asked me to her wedding, I was mortified. I asked her for a chat and basically was just honest about it - she’s at the centre of one of those circles, I hadn’t had the numbers to ask all of them and I hadn’t wanted to exclude anyone in that circle so I hadn’t asked her because of that.

She was totally understanding about it, she’d had exactly the same problem but had just landed at a slightly different place. It was fine, I did go to her wedding and it was lovely, we’re still friends

Whatever your colleague’s reasoning, she should have been a grownup and explained it to you. She chose to lie about it instead - effectively to lie on your behalf, in fact - so this is on her. It’s not your problem that she looks immature and dishonest, because she’s been immature and dishonest. NTA