'AITA for locking my wife out of our bedroom? I forced her and her affair partner in the guest room.'
"AITA for locking my stbex-wife out of our bedroom and forcing her and her affair partner to sleep in the uncomfortable guest room?"
My stbex-wife (soon to be ex-wife) cheated on me and I filed for divorce. She refused to leave the home we shared that's in my name and was in my family for two generations before me.
I'm working on legally evicting her since the house is a pre-marital asset and she won't be entitled to it. But she wants the house and even moved her affair partner in. So I decided to change the lock on our bedroom door and I keep it locked up tight during the daytime. I moved all of her stuff into the guest room.
This has not been fun and I hate that our kids see this. But legal eviction takes several months where we are because she has rights, even squatters have a lot of rights technically. I tried to make her affair partner leave but he got mail sent here (which solidifies his right to be here) before I could get him out so now both are being legally evicted by me.
The guest room is very uncomfortable. It wasn't always but my ex had ruined the mattress and part of the frame by storing stuff on top of it that really weighed too much overall. My ex tried to say I couldn't lock her out of the bedroom we shared but her lawyer told her I was allowed and since all her stuff was accessible to her there was nothing she could do.
She's now complaining that I'm putting their health at risk by forcing them to sleep on a bed that isn't comfortable or safe. In all honesty I have some hope that they'll eventually grow tired of it and leave willingly but if not then at least she's not comfortable. But this is all happening in front of my kids and I hate that they're so aware of everything going on.
They have really pulled away from their mom because of everything going on and they've admitted they want her and the affair partner out of the house, especially him who they really dislike. Ex has called me a lot of names since this started and she called me petty and nasty and she said I'm ruining her relationship with the kids.
I corrected her and said she did it herself by being so stubborn. But I had a couple of friends who told me my behavior wasn't great when our kids could watch. They said no kids it would be different but with them they see us acting like this and it isn't good for them which I know. But I can't just get over them being here and what she did. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
perpetuallyxhausted wrote:
NTA she moved her AP into your house right in front of your kids faces. WTF was she expecting to do next? Share the bed in the main bedroom with you both? The strain in your household isn't because you're putting your foot down and refusing to be a doormat, it's because she's being ridiculously unreasonable in her expectations of how her current life choices will play out.
OP responded:
She was expecting me to move out of the bedroom to let them have it.
perpetuallyxhausted responded:
Please tell me you laughed in her face! I'm real sorry you and your kids are going through this, but hopefully her insanity works in your favour and speed up some things for you. Also, might I recommend cameras in all shared spaces in the home and probably in your own bedroom too just to be safe.
OP responded:
I got cameras installed the day after she moved him in. I wanted to make sure if he stole or did anything I would have it on camera.
DazzlingPotion wrote:
I guess your stb-ex wife and her AP don't realize that having an eviction on their background checks may make it very difficult to rent an apartment and they should leave on their own.
OP responded:
I think she still believes she has some chance of getting this house in the divorce.
DreamyWhisperingMoo wrote:
NTA. Your ex-wife cheated, and now she’s refusing to leave your home while also bringing in her affair partner, which is incredibly disrespectful to you and your family. You’ve taken the necessary legal steps to evict her, which isn’t quick, and in the meantime, you’ve made sure they are separated from you, which seems completely fair given the situation.
The kids’ feelings are understandable, as they’ve clearly been hurt by their mom’s actions. However, I do get that seeing this kind of conflict is hard on them.
But you’re in a tough spot where your ex has crossed a serious boundary, and it’s understandable you’re reacting strongly. Still, I think focusing on minimizing the tension around the kids could be beneficial in the long run, even if you’re justified in your anger and frustration.
While the situation isn’t ideal, your actions seem more about protecting your space and setting boundaries after being betrayed. So, while the discomfort they’re experiencing might be frustrating, the real issue is the betrayal, and you’re within your rights to enforce the boundaries that help you maintain control of your home.
gennevieve1 wrote:
NTA. What was she thinking to begin with? That you'd just share your bed with her AP? It's not you who's making it hard on everyone. It's her. How on earth can someone think that bringing the AP to the marital home is a good idea?
OP responded:
No, she thought I'd give up the house to her. I don't think she expected me to stand my ground like this.
notAugustbutordinary wrote:
Any friend who is supporting your wife staying in your house with an affair partner isn’t a friend, but if the comment is just about the general toxicity of the situation surrounding the divorce and how that is playing to your children as an audience then they are right.
Responsibility for that still rests with the actions your wife and her affair partner have instigated though, you are allowed to respond within the law and that is what you have done.
OP responded:
Nobody's supporting her as much as saying it's not good for the kids and can't we find a way to be better about this. But I can't because she refuses to leave and insists he remains. I'm beyond angry at her and at him. Right now we're all living in hell. But I refuse to abandon my home for her after she cheated.
Winter-Rest-1674 wrote:
She moved her affair partner in your home with your kids. She’s lucky all her did was put her in the guest room. And forget your friends, you are showing your kids not to be a push over and to stand up for yourself.
WiltheredFlower wrote:
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She chose to cheat and now she's facing the consequences. And as a bonus, she gets to experience the joys of sleeping in an uncomfortable guest room. Karma is a beautiful thing.