GF was over at my place two days ago. We're both 20. She has a stepbrother who's 23, before this I'd only met him a few times and he seemed like a regular dude. She asked if it was okay for him to come over too for a couple of hours, I said why not. He said he would get booze and pizza, and my parents were away visiting relatives for the weekend so I figured we could shoot the shit.
I have a little sister who's 15. They came over, and she stayed up in her room the entire time. We were all a bit tipsy and my GF's stepbrother asked if he could use the washroom. I pointed him to the one down the hall. My gGF and I were preoccupied and didn't even realise how much time he was taking until we heard raised voices upstairs.
We immediately went up to check what was going on and found my sister crying. Dude had gone up instead of using the washroom. My sister's door had been ajar so he apparently walked into her room (all details I managed to wrangle from my crying sister btw). She was taken by shock and was trying to stay calm but he wasn't leaving. He was trying to chat her up.
She told him to GTFO and he closed the door behind him instead, which is why she started freaking out. She tried to get past him to open the door and he grabbed her, but she managed to open it anyway. I'd reached the landing by then so he backed off. Obviously I was super f--king pissed. There was a lot of screaming going on, lots of accusations. We were all drunk except for my sister.
After getting the story from her, gf's stepbrother was stuttering and deflecting. I'm pretty sure I threatened v--lence at some point. My gf was trying to be the "mediator", she said I had to calm down and couldn't fly off the handle based off word of mouth. But I was there, I saw my sister crying in panic, I know what she's like and I know she wouldn't lie about something like this, why would she?
I told her stepbrother to get out of my house. My gf kept saying we could sort this out and have a proper conversation but I didn't see what conversation was there to be had. Eventually she said what if my sister was lying. In front of my sister's face. I asked her what on earth would make her think that, and she said she's a kid and could be making it up for attention.
Like the title said, I lost my s--t. I told her to get the f--k out and afterwards she kept calling me but I ignored everything. The dust has settled a bit. I went over everything again with my little sister, she promised me it had happened the way she was telling me, she told me she was scared he was going to SA her. My gf texted me this morning saying I shouldn't have raised my voice like that and I scared her.
I thought of apologising then but she still hadn't said a word about apologising to my sister or addressing the issue with her stepbrother. I only replied that we had to talk, and she said there's nothing to talk about, there's no hard "proof" in her words, and the stepbrother ended up doing nothing so she told me she would deal with him, and I should drop it.
Idk if I'm TA for the way I handled this, maybe if cooler heads prevailed this silent treatment wouldn't have happened and we could have discussed everything. Idk what to do from now on either. I love that girl, I don't want us to be over so I want some advice on where to go from here too.
justtirediguess11 wrote:
NTA. Protect your sister. And maybe have a big long talk with GF, if she doesn't understand, then reevaluate your relationship.
OP responded:
I'm definitely not losing sleep over the way I treated the stepbrother, I think I should have done worse and could have done worse. But I just wanted him out of the house. I'm pissed because over these two days, all her texts were about how she felt and how I could've handled this better and she's never seen this side of me.
Which is all true but when i messaged her back to ask about her bro, her response was effectively "drop it". I can't believe she's being so callous about this.
ThePhilV wrote:
You're NTA at all, but this whole scenario would have me seriously questioning my relationship if I were you. And I'm sorry, but is the stepbrother somehow completely clueless? How in the world does he think it's okay to be in an unknown 15 year old girls' room for any reason whatsoever?
No matter what his intentions are, he's clearly not concerned with anyone else's comfort level. Was he up to anything?
Likely not. Does that matter? Not one bit. You don't invade someone's personal space like that, especially someone you don't know, especially a 15 year old girl, especially as a 23 year old adult male.
The fact that your GF thinks you were wrong for raising your voice, for immediately believing your sister, and that she thinks there needs to be "proof" of anything is a huge red flag. That chick will let her step brother get away with anything. I crossed out the "likely not". He had no reason to go upstairs, and no reason to go into her room, and no reason to not leave when asked. Dude WAS up to something.
OP responded:
Thank you for this comment, it was nice reading my feelings put into words. Nothing actually "happened" but even if my sister wasn't freaked out and crying, I'd tell him to leave just because he went upstairs and into her room.
I'm hoping it's just my gf defending family but some other comments made me realise, even if she does come around, I can't have a future with her without this AH being there always. And I won't do that to my sister. So I'm seriously thinking of asking her to meet in person so i can have a proper talk, and then call things off.
Apprehensive_War9612 wrote:
She said YOU scared HER by yelling, but her adult stepbrother was drunkenly in a 15ye old girls bedroom- and she doesn’t think the child was scared? You need to breakup with this girl. There is no conversation to be had. She saw him in your sister’s room.
There is NO EXPLANATION for that. Period. There is nothing he could have done in that situation that would have been innocent. NTA (you would be an AH if you stay with this girl.) You should be asking yourself if she set this whole thing up.
poisonedmsoke420 wrote:
NTA! Break up with your girlfriend and protect your sister! The GF is an enabler I know she has had to see or sense the creep before.
My GF asked me yesterday if we could talk in person. I agreed, we met at a public park. She showed up already looking on the verge of tears. She let me speak and was silent for a long time, before she said she was sorry for the way she had reacted.
She told me she had been drunk and panicked and hadn't been thinking clearly, and was trying to stop it from becoming a fight. We discussed her stepbrother. She told me he has a weird streak and acts oddly sometimes. She told me he genuinely could have made a mistake and didn't mean any harm.
I asked why he'd gone upstairs in the first place, and why he'd shut himself in with my sister on finding out he was in the wrong room. No answer. I asked how was she so sure he had no p-rverted intentions. No answer. Some of you suggested that the stepbrother might have had a history and even might have done something to her. I didn't outright say it but I was implying it.
I kept saying what if he had gone further, what if he's ass-ulted someone before and you don't know about it etc. I asked if there had been incidents like this before, and how she could possibly downplay what happened. She didn't have anything to say but again, at that point she was too choked up to speak properly so I don't think she could have answered even if she wanted to.
Anyways, I wasn't there to listen to excuses or justifications and I told her that. She asked me if we were over, and I said the only way we could move forward was if she apologised to my little sister, and then stopped all contact with her stepbrother. I just don't see a scenario where my sister feels comfortable around him again.
She told me she didn't want to lose me but she couldn't do what I asked from her. So I told her yes, we're done. My parents came back this morning btw. Like I said they had been out of town at relatives' place. I hadn't told them about this over the phone, I just said an incident had happened and I would explain when they got back.
My sister asked me to speak to them on her behalf and I told them everything. My dad gave me a lot of s00t, rightfully so. He says he wants to speak to my ex's parents about this, let them know what their son did. P-lice here are about as useful as tits on a bull but we discussed it and we're going to file a report (?)/auto de notícia anyway.
I highly doubt it will go anywhere but at least it will be a record in the system. My sister is doing better. She was really shaken up, she asked if she could sleep in my parents' room or mine for a bit. We will probably arrange a therapy or counselling session for her, and let her decide if she wants to continue.
I'm going to take her bowling and then we'll get food. Just the two of us so I can also apologise on my part. I feel upset. I feel guilty actually, I trusted my ex and me being naive put my little sister in danger. I've always thought I was a responsible person and this happening when I was supposed to be in charge is f--king me up.
I'm pissed at myself ngl. But we move. My favourite comments to read were the ones telling me what to do to the stepbrother. I don't ever want to see his face again but in case I do, someone lmk if you have a woodchipper lying around. Thanks again everybody.
Edit: some things. People have asked if I can run a background check or something. I don't think it's legal for a civilian to do that in my country (Portugal) and idk if I can request one, I'll see though. Also to everybody commenting about underage drinking (I was so confused 😭) that's not a problem here lmao, I won't be incriminating myself or anything by filing a report so dw.
Iwillneverwalkalone wrote:
I was waiting for this update lol. Good on you mate. I still think the creep did something to your ex which is why she kept deflecting and answering vaguely (saying he acts "odd" sometimes...) Even if he did, it's not your responsibility now though. Your poor baby sister, hopefully she heals quickly from this.
OP responded:
Most people seemed to think so. I will say, my ex's mother has been with her stepdad for nearly 6 years. She never liked discussing her family and had only recently introduced me to all of them.
She never gave any indication of a bad relationship between her and her stepdad/brother, I would have never guessed in a million years if ab-se or ass-ult was happening. I hope it's not the case because that would be seriously f--ked up.
Limp_Pipe1113 wrote:
"She told me he genuinely could have made a mistake and didn't mean any harm."
Ah yes because going into a 15 year old's room, stopping them exiting, and closing the door is totally a mistake and totally harmless actions.
Your ex better not complain, say he made a mistake and didn't mean any harm if/when he does it again to another 15 year old and their brother ends up shooting him.
DetroitSmash8701 wrote:
I hate that you had to end the relationship, but it died the second her stepbrother tried what he tried, and your now ex girlfriend defended him. You just performed the funeral rites.
Best of luck going forward.