'AITA for making my in-laws stay in a hotel after they surprised us on our family vacation?'

"AITA for making my in-laws stay in a hotel after they surprised us on our family vacation?"

I (37F) took a beach vacation with my husband(40M) & our 3 kids(4, 2, 3mo). We also invited his sister, husband & 2 kids (4, 3) as we had a detached bedroom from the main house and we genuinely like hanging out with them.

I told her we wanted to keep it small this year since we have a new baby, I’m pretty fresh postpartum and I didn’t want it to be too stressful While we were at the beach we see my MIL, FIL, stepson(20) & his GF pull up. This is a 3hr drive from where we live. They came to surprise us at the beach since we haven’t seen my SS in 2 months.

My SIL said they've been planning this for weeks & she gave them the mile marker. This was a cool surprise, but afterwards they expected to stay with us in our 1bd/1ba rental house with no real doors (only sliding doors). They had no plans for lodging or eating, so we got to work to make dinner which was fine because I had packed extra food.

Due to space constraints, I put the baby down for a nap in the restroom (we had 2 pack-and-plays in there). When I went back to check on him a little later, my SS & his GF were in the transparent glass shower together steps away from my 3mo old baby. I went back to the kitchen and told SIL they cannot stay with us.

My husband told them they could because he is out of touch with what that would actually mean (6 adults, 2 toddlers sharing one RR where 2 babies are sleeping). I told her what I just saw with SS and GF in the shower, again reminding her it’s too many people going in and out of the RR with 2 kids asleep in there. She understood and started looking up hotels.

My SS's GF was already scoping out the couch and she could have slept there but after wrestling 2 babies to sleep in the RR and my 4yo to sleep in the actual bed, the couch was the only place I could sit & have a glass of wine at the end of the night in peace. After getting a hotel room, they stayed at the beach house until midnight playing poker on the patio and shouting.

My husband asked his dad to please be quiet since the kids were sleeping and FIL loudly shouted “shut up” and kept playing. This has since caused major conflict with my husband as he believes we should have just let four additional people stay since “they are family.”

We paid for half the hotel room and my SIL paid the other half For context, we have been to the beach one other time with my SIL (last year) but have never been with my MIL and FIL. My SS has been gone for 2 months but will be in town the next 3 weeks, so it’s not like we wouldn’t have seen him the next day when we returned.

I understand they wanted this to be a fun surprise, but no one considered how this would impact us as a family traveling with 3 small children in a relatively small beach house. AITA for making my in-laws stay in a hotel after they surprised us on our family vacation?

INFO from OP:

Stepson and GF have come with us every other year, but planned to be gone this summer. This vacation was originally planned for July due to work schedules but had to be moved because of a hurricane. The only time we could reschedule with the rental overlapped him coming home by 1 day

If there was any advance communication that he wanted to come we would have made it happen, but communication from a 20 year old isn't that spectacular. The babies slept in the bathroom area with sinks, shower and garden tub.

here was an additional door for the toilet so no weird fecal matter after flushing happening. I had them there as it was the back of the house and the quietest, TV and kitchen were in the front and loudest.

Here's what people had to day to OP:

RB1327 wrote:

Your conflict is with your husband as much as your SIL or your in-laws. He said they could stay even after you said otherwise. Are you certain he wasn't at all aware that this little "surprise" was in the works? NTA on the pop-in/hotel question. But you and your spouse need to get on the same page.

nobody_knows27 wrote:

NTA- But also, info? Can you please clarify what part of you as a mother didn’t flip shit when 2 adults chose to ignorantly undress and shower in the same room as your sleeping baby? I would have been grabbing hair and dragging them out n-ked.

Predators are most often those we think we can trust. That aside, any sane adult wouldn’t just do that without alerting a parent or requesting the baby be moved.

If they surprised you in a one bedroom space, why in the world would they jump straight in the shower for a couples cleanse? It sounds like possibly they don’t have any social etiquette, and won’t learn to have any because you and hubby didn’t set any boundaries.

Ornery_Process wrote:

NTA- that is not a nice surprise, it’s an ambush. It sounds like your husband’s family has no boundaries and your husband has no spine. Your SS also needs to learn some manners. Why were he and GF using the bathroom that the kids were napping in? They should have used the one in SIL’s room.

Honestly, I’d have seriously contemplated packing up the kids and either getting myself a hotel room or going home and telling hubby to have a nice time with his family cuz he clearly only cares about himself and their feelings. Not to mention it’s a fire and safety hazard to put that many adults in such a small room. I can’t believe any hotel or vacation rental would allow it.

embopbopbopdoowop wrote:

NTA. Rude of them and rude of the SIL to have planned it/okayed it without thinking through the logistics. I wouldn’t be planning any more combined holidays with SIL. And rude of husband to think it was no big deal. Suggests that you’re the primary kid-wrangler and this didn’t really affect him as much, which makes it worse. (Correct me if I’m wrong and I’ll update.)

bythebook88 wrote:

"My SIL said they've been planning this for weeks & she gave them the mile marker."

SIL invited them, they can stay with her family in the detached bedroom. 8 people should fit fine!

Unhappy-Prune-9914 wrote:

NTA - No way, this is so rude and really stressful. You need to put an end to all this now. My aunt, uncle, and cousins did this to my parents for years - they would show up with their family of 5 for Thanksgiving as a surprise and my mom would scramble to get extra food - American for the cousins and our ethnic food for the parents.

It was a nightmare but they never said anything bc it was awkward and it went on for 30 years. Say no now or all your future vacations will be ruined.