'AITA for making my coworker a separate meal after she insulted my cooking?'

"AITA for making my coworker a separate meal after she insulted my cooking?"

I work in a small office where we do a potluck-style lunch once a week. I love cooking, so I usually bring something homemade. For context, I’m Thai, and a lot of what I make has strong flavors think: garlic, fermented fish sauce, chili, shrimp paste, that kind of thing. Most of my coworkers love it. Kate, though, has always been...weird about it.

She’s made little comments before, like, "Wow, that’s pungent" or "Your food is so intense". Once, when I brought in som tam (green papaya salad), she wrinkled her nose and said, "Ugh, why does it smell like that?" Like, it smells like lime and chili? Sorry it’s not a turkey sandwich, Kate.

The worst was when she asked me if I "grew up eating bugs," I kind of laughed it off because I was so caught off guard, but she kept going, talking about how she saw a documentary about Thai people eating crickets and how it must be "normal" for me.

I told her, as evenly as I could, that yes, some people eat insects, but it’s not like I was raised munching on tarantulas for breakfast. She got all flustered and said she didn’t mean it like that.

Anyway, last month, I made khao soi for the potluck, a Northern Thai curry noodle soup. Everyone seemed to love it, except Kate, who took one bite, made a face, and said, "Oh, this is..strong". Then she laughed like it was a joke, but she barely touched her bowl. Later, I overheard her telling someone it was "too much spice and too many smells at once."

So a few weeks later, when it was my turn to cook again, I made my usual dish plus a plain grilled chicken breast with some steamed veggies and a little cup of ranch dressing. No seasoning, no "strong smells", etc. I left a note: "For Kate, since I know she prefers something simple!"

She was pissed. Said I was "singling her out" and making her look bad. I told her I was just trying to be accommodating, the way she seemed to want. Some coworkers thought it was hilarious, others said I was being passive-aggressive. Honestly, maybe I was. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

orange_crush38 wrote:

Tell her to suck a Lemon!!!

NTA.

OP responded:

Probably wouldn't like it, something about the smell or it being too pungent.

Beautiful-Peak38 wrote:

How long are you going to put up with her microaggressions before you actually call her out on it?

OutragedPineapple responded:

Seriously. Start filing a notice with HR every single time.

"Kate made racially charged comments regarding my diet, implying that Thai people as a whole eat trash and bugs."

"Kate made racially charged comments regarding my cooking at the potluck and has been complaining to other coworkers at every potluck about any Thai or ethnic dishes, specifically. Her behavior is extremely r#$ist and I do not believe she should be involved in the potlucks if all she is going to do is insult the cooking, ethnicities and nationalities of anyone who isn't white."

Repeat ad nauseum. Every single time she opens her mouth? Another letter to HR. Every. Single. Time. Put the spotlight on HER. Make it very clear that you are not *implying* anything, you are STATING that her behavior is racist. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail!

helen_bug_lady wrote:

I would have given her a pb&j sandwich. And said, “I know you don’t like anything ethnic.” And when she said she felt singled out, “well yes, no one else makes comments - only you.”

pretty_goblin11 wrote:

Kate needs a reality check, I can feel the micro aggressions through the phone and I’m white. I think you handled it perfectly. NTA. Kate sucks. Edit to add: I think a happy meal should be next since she wants to be childish.

Frankensteins_kid wrote:

Were you being passive agressive? Yes. Was it justified? Lol yes. NTA. If Kate has any problems with your cooking, she should've had a conversation with you like an adult. But no, she decided to continue making snide comments. You even went out of your way to make something that she could eat. If anything you were trying to make her feel included.

I_Am_The_Onion wrote:

I know what you mean, but what kind of adult conversation do you think they should have? I ask because sometimes in confrontations with unreasonable people, people suggest I "talk to them like adults."

I'm not sure what there is to say if the problem is that the other person doesn't like me for a really bad reason (like here where she just clearly doesn't like Thai/ethnic food unlike everyone else in the office, but won't say it outright).

For example, I love Thai food but I am allergic to one of the ingredients she listed so I would have to abstain if it was included, and the adult thing would be to just eat something else without confronting OP at all.

Tenaciouslypurple wrote:

I think it was really nice that you made her a delicious separate lunch after how intentionally rude she is to you all the time.

I’d probably bring it up to HR all the rude comments she says and explain how you’ve gone out of your way to make her feel included by going out of your way & making her something she likes while still making food that everyone else loves - so that she could feel included and eat with everyone.

And she still had something rude to say about it! She sounds like a b#$ch to work with who always creates drama when there isn’t any. Her bad attitude & rude comments & behavior is something your manager should be handling tho.