'AITA for making my son pay for a new pizza when he didn't save any for the rest of the family?' UPDATED

"AITA for making my son pay for a new pizza when he didn't save any for the rest of the family?"

I 45F, have two kids: 14M and 17F. My son has High Functioning ASD, and honestly most people cannot tell, but it comes out in certain aspects of his relationships such as thinking about others, compassion, etc. My son also eats a lot of food- way more than someone for his age. He is not overweight in any way so the doctors have not considered this a problem.

Here comes the problem: for years when we have ordered food, he has neglected to realize that the food we order is for the whole family, not just him. My husband and I have both spoken to him about this multiple times and usually he just gives half-hearted apologies. We are working on this with his therapist, among other issues he has.

On Friday, my daughter had work after school so she drove herself there while my son took the bus home. He said he was hungry so I ordered a pizza and told him to save some for his father and sister. I only took a slice. Usually my daughter does not eat much (1-2 slices) and same thing with my husband.

That would've left him with 5 slices of a LARGE pizza. About 2 hours later, my daughter comes home and sees the pizza box empty and starts balling. She usually is not one to complain about food and will usually just make her own food but she did not have time to eat before work today and during lunch she was making up a test, so she did not eat since breakfast.

I was furious at my son and deducted the money for a new pizza plus a generous tip to the delivery driver from my son's bank account. My son saw and now he is pissed. My daughter thought it was the right thing to do, especially when this is about the 3rd time it had happened to her.

My son's reasoning is that he doesn't work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should've paid since she has a job. My husband and I both are on board with what I did, but idk, is my son right? AITA?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

*UPDATE: For everyone saying we are underfeeding him, we have tons of food in the house. The fridge is stocked, we have snacks, ingredients etc. My son refuses to learn how to cook, even when we have offered him cooking classes.

Even without learning to cook, we have boxed pasta, popcorn, bread, vegetables and fruits, rice etc. all of which require no cooking ability. He simply chose to eat the whole pizza.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Little_Loki918 wrote:

NTA. Having Autism is not an excuse for eating the entire dinner and leaving none for the rest of the family, even after being explicitly told not to do so. Having autism is also not a shield against the natural consequences of his actions. He ate the entire large pizza that was the entire family's dinner, and you had to order another one.

It was only fair that he paid for it. In the future, perhaps it's best to affirmatively set aside the food for your husband and daughter and yourself (labeled so there can be no confusion) and then let him eat. Also, there are some diseases that either lead to extreme hunger or prevent the full cues from registering in your brain/body.

Kindly_Area_4380 wrote:

Regardless of his diagnosis, there should be consequences to his actions. How big was the pizza? Growing kids may have out of bounds metabolism. We have a pizza place that does personal pizzas. Maybe that's a better solution or a large for the family and a small that is his. NTA.

OP responded:

He ate 7 slices out of a 16" large pizza. A small personal pizza WILL not be big enough for him lmao.

EffableFornent wrote:

NTA. This is a perfect natural consequence. If he was still hungry, he could have made himself some food, but he choose to eat everyone else's. He pays for that. Why on earth should his sister buy him dinner? It's not about him being autistic, as he clearly knows what the deal is. He's just a selfish teenager, and needs to learn that being selfish has consequences.

Pretzelamam wrote:

This is nothing to do with ASD, this is to do with your son being an entitled AH.

"my daughter should've paid."

He ate her portion and expects her to pay for it? Usually when you point out to someone with ASD that they've behaved badly they are apologetic, he just didn't care until there were consequences and even then he's sorry for himself not his sister.

Lower-Elk8395 wrote:

This. I have ASD, and I never had a problem with this. The few times I ate something my family wanted I would feel immensely guilty, apologize, and get more out of my own pocket. I never had an issue with eating all of a family dinner; it just never happened.

My younger brother, however, does not have ASD. When he was a teenager he would insist on eating the lion's share of food and eat whatever he could get his hands on; we were once each given huge chocolate eggs from a relative and he his his easter chocolate in his room, then ate mine.

He would sit there in the car while dinner from the family was ordered through a drive-through, then once our parents stopped in a store, he stayed in the car and scarfed the entire meal. He growled at me once like a damn animal because I asked for a single slice of the five slices of pizza he was eating.

When I was on chemo I had to keep a snack stockpile in my room and hide my ensure shakes because he wanted to see if they would help him "bulk up". He even once tried to eat takeout in front of me while out father was in the car, smirking because he thought it was mine. I don't eat onion rings...so he had to explain to father dearest why he ate his food.

I once even had a bag of durian-flavored cookies that I labeled "Do not touch" to teach him a lesson. Of course he took that to his room and you could hear the retching and gagging...he at least learned to be more careful around my food. He knew if he just asked, he could get some of most things...but he didn't want some. He wanted it all...and since nobody gave him proper consequences, he just kept doing it.

Good for OP. She needs to nip this in the bud before he becomes an adult and starts getting roommates...because the real thing that taught my brother not to do this was when he tried this on a roommate and the roommate had enough and gave him a proper beatdown. The real world isn't as forgiving.