"AITA? My best friend thinks I’m copying her..."
My best friend (29F) thinks I (28F) am copying her, but instead of telling me directly, she’s been talking to multiple mutual friends and even some of her personal friends about it. I only found out because a friend mentioned it to me.
It started when she wore an outfit to dinner, and I complimented her, saying it looked great on her. A week later, I asked where she got it because I was considering wearing it to a concert we were attending as a group. In the end, I didn’t even wear that outfit—I chose something completely different. But she still told people that me wearing the “same exact outfit” is weird.
Before the concert, she posted a group picture of all of us with her in that outfit, telling our friend she wanted everyone to know she “wore it first” even though I never wore it. We also share an Amazon account, so we can see each other’s purchases.
I’ve been buying a lot of skirts lately because they’re trendy, and I’ve seen so many people wearing them. But now she thinks I’m copying her just because I started wearing skirts. She even told a friend that she stopped buying clothes on Amazon so I wouldn’t “copy” her anymore and switched to shopping at online boutiques since she knows I don’t shop there.
Then, I found out she also told our friend that I started wearing jewelry because of her. She recently got a tennis bracelet and sent a picture in our group chat. I said it was cute and that she inspired me to want one too, but I never even bought one.
Later, I mentioned in the group chat that I wanted to start wearing jewelry again because I hadn’t in years and felt bare—especially since the rest of the girls in our group always accessorize. I even sent pictures of jewelry I liked, and none of it looked like hers. She responded saying she didn’t like any of the pieces I sent and that they weren’t cute.
A little while later, I bought a $15 ring off Amazon for a group dinner because I thought it would make my fingers look less chubby. It wasn’t designer or brand name, just something simple. Later, I found out she told our friend that she would never wear fake jewelry and that if I “couldn’t afford real jewelry, I shouldn’t be wearing any at all.” That comment really shocked and hurt me.
I don’t understand why she feels this way. I get that she has the right to her feelings, but if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t care at all. If she wore something I wore a week later, I’d think it was cute and say, “Twinsies!” No one else in our friend group feels the way she does—everyone else loves to match and coordinate outfits.
Am I actually copying her? It was never my intention, and I’ve never worn anything similar to her before, so I don’t get why she suddenly thinks this way. I feel really hurt and haven’t felt like talking to her or patching things up because she seems so set in her opinion. It just feels so childish, especially since we’re both almost 30. It’s like high school drama all over again.
Here's what people had to say about this one:
StaffTechnical9590 said:
NTA. I don't think you're intentionally copying her, but I can understand why she feels you are. It seems like your sense of style is heavily influenced by the people around you instead of what you actually like. Keep buying things like that ring. Get things no one else is buying. Be unique with your style and stop worrying about trends.
I will say thought that it's always silly to me when people get mad at someone copying their style. Anything she's bought on Amazon was purchased by thousands upon thousands of people.
The algorithm probably pushed the same jewelry, shoes, bags, etc. onto her as they did everyone else buying it. There is no originality in mass produced clothing.
Efficient_Lake_9848 said:
NTA but as someone who’s been on the other side of a situation like this, it is creepy and uncomfortable when your friend starts dressing like you all the time. Especially if that’s her style that she’s put a lot of thought into and you aren’t adding your own twist to it to show your own identity. You should find your own style.
Justyew0789 said:
NTA. It sounds like you admire her style, but maybe you say it too often. But also, she sounds really mean. She doesn’t sound like your friend at all, it sounds like you annoy her. You shouldn’t ask her opinion on anything. Just do whatever you want. And you shouldn’t compliment her anymore, she obviously takes it the wrong way and takes it as you wanting to be her.
Lophiiformers said:
ESH. You may not have ended up wearing the same outfit or buying the exact same pieces of jewelry but I would also be a bit creeped out by someone who keeps saying that they’re inspired by me and want to dress the same as me.
I know a few people in your friends position and I’ve actually talked to them about it. Most of the time the reaction does tend to lean towards discomfort rather than flattery especially if it’s something that they’ve spent time specially curating or experimenting with.
Depending on the style it can come off as inauthentic in some cases or kinda cheap and lazy like copying someone else’s homework. She sucks because she’s being overly petty but all that is just my 2 cents as to why she might be feeling like that.
astral_fae said:
NTA but this is wild. I'm also in my late 20s and my friends and I will match on purpose to be cute. How insecure do you have to be to get upset because someone you consider a friend wants to dress like you? Nevermind that classifying any of those as "copying" is a huge reach...
br_sp_carla said:
This reminded me of that time a friend of mine got angry at me because we wore the same color of nail polish. Back then, we were teenagers. NTA. Your friend is being childish.