'AITA for not allowing my in-laws over after they ignored boundaries we set for our newborn?'
When you're a new parent, protecting your baby is going to take precedence over everything else.
"AITA for not allowing my in-laws over after they ignored boundaries we set for our newborn?"
My mother in law and father in law came to visit. We had already told everyone NO KISSING and hand her back if she gets very fussy. Very simple rules if you ask me. She then proceeded to kiss her head and both of them gave snarky comments when again told not to do so.
I talked with my husband and we went back over our boundaries over the phone with them which his mom cried the entire call saying she didn’t recall doing so. BS playing the victim tears if you ask me but still we said that we have these boundaries in place and expect them to be followed. I still haven’t brought up another visit as I just want a break from them now.
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
jamaicanmecray-z wrote:
NTA, and it will just get worse if you don't stick to boundaries now.
OP responded:
This is what I explained to my husband. It took so much for him to actually stand up to his parents in this way. It was frustrating and straining on our marriage for us to have this discussion. He finally understood where I was coming from and also agrees with the rules so thankfully we’re on the same page now.
Hoosier-Beaver wrote:
Make sure they also have updated who*ping cough v*ccines too. They can be carriers and not even know it. All adults that are going to be contact with infants should be revaccinated.
OP responded:
I’ll definitely be asking about this!
AllegraO wrote:
NTA. Stick to your guns, whooping cough is no joke for newborns. Anyone who can’t follow incredibly reasonable rules like yours absolutely does not deserve access to your child, until YOU deem it safe. Don’t offer them any visits, and if they ask, tell them that until you can trust them to follow your rules, they’ll be kept away to keep them from possibly k*lling your child.
PickledCarrot19 wrote:
NTA. As someone who recently went through this with my MIL, keep staying firm. The moment you lighten up and excuse it as an “accident” is when they will realize they can take advantage of you. The snarky comments prove that they won’t respect your boundaries because they don’t agree with them.
ZippyKoala wrote:
A friend of mine, who now gets cold sores as a result of her aunt with a cold sore giving her kisses as a baby really wishes her parents had had similar boundaries. And that’s before we get to all the illnesses like whooping cough that babies can’t be vaccinated against till they’re older. NTA.
mysteriousrev wrote:
NTA. A newborn doesn’t have the immune system an older child or adult does and they aren’t eligible for vaccines until a certain age, so very reasonable precautions!
And for anyone who claims stuff like measles and mumps aren’t serious, that’s not true. Roald Dahl’s daughter, Olivia, died from encephalitis caused by measles and my great-uncle was left sterile after having m*mps as a child. My uncle was born decades before the MMR was a thing.
New_Equal3762 wrote:
Someone kissed my brother as a newborn with a fresh Coldsore. My brother his entire life breaks out in them when stressed, having no immune system to remove such virus from his body at a few days old. My mom regrets letting people near him. Never let anyone kiss ur baby even family. You don't know what they have.
Floating-Cynic wrote:
NTA, but there is a really fun compromise: Make them wear masks and never take them off.
Honestly, baby kissers are the worst. My very confused husband once had a woman who he did not know approach him at a party and kiss our 4 month old child.
I was appalled and the first thing she did was explain how it was okay because she kissed him on the forehead, not the mouth. I was like "okay? Who the hell are you and why aren't you buying me a drink first before putting spit on my kid?"
Technical_Camel_2737 wrote:
NTA we ended up banning all visitors because of smoking around oldest rules we had in place that several people thought were wrong including both granddads. My daughter and son in law had a no kissing rule as babies. And now they do not force their kiddos to hug or kiss an adult they are reluctant to show that affection to.
I have never had an issues with this and I support them for not only setting boundaries but allowing the kids to also have boundaries.
I have 3 grandkids how love to give and receive lovings but my youngest does not like to be kissed he will give and receive hugs and loves to kiss gma on the check it used to be he would climb up and kiss the top of my head. Now it is my check. And he asks for gma kisses for his owies.
Ornery_Wasabi_473 wrote:
NTA. Honestly, they shouldn't be permitted around your baby until there's been at least one round of v*ccinations given. Your priority is your child, not adult family members, and certainly not adults that are more concerned with doing what they want than the health of your child.