'AITA for not allowing my parents to take a picture of me with my cap and gown?'
It stings when you hit a life milestone and no loved ones are there to celebrate with you, regardless of the reasons for their absence.
"AITA for not allowing my parents to take a picture of me with my cap and gown?"
I (16M) graduated last Friday. After the ceremony ended I couldn't find my parents anywhere. I was looking around for them and then I decided to check my phone. My mom sent me a text a while ago letting me know that my sister went into labor and her and my dad were at the hospital. This upset me because I thought my parents were there but realizing that they weren't just made me sad.
I saw everyone else with their family taking pictures and stuff and I was just standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do. My mom told me that they would be back asap to come and get me. They did not. I waited for a good 20 minutes watching everyone else leave. I decided to walk home because I got tired of waiting. I walked 3 miles before my parents drove by and made a u-turn to come and pick me up.
They were mad when they saw me walking. They told me that It was disrespectful of me to for leave with out telling them and accusing me of putting myself in danger. I told them that It wasn't alot of people left at the ceremony and I didn't want to wait anymore. I also told them that they knew it was important for them to be there and they completely bailed on me.
They told me that they were sorry and kept trying to justify why they left. I told them that it doesn't make sense for them to leave when my sisters husband were there with her and if they really wanted to abandon me they could have at least had one of them stay with me but they left me with no one to watch me and ruined what was supposed to be a good day for me.
My sister didn't even give birth that day she gave birth like 18 hours later which pissed me off more. The problem is my parents are upset with me because they wanted to take another picture of me with my cap and gown on but I refused. The one they took of me in the car I wasn't smiling and my parents wanted a redo because of it.
I told them no. I said that if they already had a picture of me and that it's all they are gonna get. I told them that there are pictures of me on my school's Facebook page and they can screen shot it from there or can leave it alone. If they choose to attend my college graduation they can maybe see me in another cap and gown. But until then, I don't see why I have to put it on just for them when they chose to miss it.
They feel as if I'm punishing them by not allowing them to take a picture of me. I just feel like if they wanted a picture they should've been there. Other than that they can use the ones on Facebook, the one in the car, or none at all.
The internet had plenty to say.
heather20202024 wrote:
Tbh…I think NTA. It would be different if your sister was alone or in distress but she wasn’t. It also sounds like it was her first which notoriously takes hours and hours - if she was safe and had her husband with her, they could have waited a couple of hours with you and then all gone together - or, like you said, one of them stayed.
Is she the golden child?
Edit: I am aware that not everyone’s first takes a long time, it’s just a longer average than subsequent. Obviously that includes many shorter labors too :)
OP responded:
Thank you, and then they acted like I was supposed to stay there all by myself waiting on them. I don't think my parents have a golden child, but I'm not them, so I don't really know.
MennionSaysSo wrote:
NTA. One should have stayed with you, you've every right to be upset.
OP responded:
Thank you. I just wanted someone there for me. I don't see why both of them had to go. If any, at all, because my sister had her husband and his parents didn't even come.
Trikger wrote:
NTA. It was a big moment for you, so of course it's normal for you to respond with disappointment when your parents aren't there. Your sister had her husband with her, and it seems quite unlikely that both your parents would be in the delivery room with her on top of that.
I completely understand that they want to be there for the birth, but they surely knew they still had hours to go before the baby would actually be born once they saw your sister at the hospital. It usually isn't like in the movies where it's a process that takes a few minutes. As parents, they know that.
Having one parent stay with your sister while the other attends your graduation is a completely valid compromise. After the ceremony, this parent could then drive back to the hospital with you.
If you don't want them to take those pictures, then that's that. The moment has already passed and they weren't there for it. Photos are to capture memories, and the one they took in the car did exactly that. You shouldn't have to pretend like it's a happy memory when, for you, it's not.
Annual_Duty_764 wrote:
As a parent, I’m appalled at your parents. You are absolutely NTA. To those saying “do you miss the birth of your grandchild?” Yes, you miss the birth of a grandchild to celebrate a major milestone of your own child.
You put in 13 years of effort to earn your diploma. It’s a big deal. Friday was supposed to be about you. You only graduate high school once, and they ruined it for you. The least they could have done was have your dad stay to watch you walk. Or, you know, drive to the hospital after the ceremony.
GlobalLook2821 wrote:
NTA. I’m picturing you standing there alone surrounded by happy graduates and their joyous families and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry. Absolutely, ONE of your parents should’ve stayed to witness your moment. Then you could’ve high-tailed it to the hospital and taken tons of pictures. But just forgetting all about you? No. And then getting pissed bc you didn’t wait for them?? Again, no.
FlyingDutchLady wrote:
I sense this might be unpopular, but NTA. There was not reason that either of them had to leave, much less both of them. As the parents of two children, they surely know labor isn’t that fast. At minimum, one of them should have stayed.
That said, I think you should do it. One day, when you’re a lot older, you might regret not having that picture. Don’t steal your own joy just to spite your parents. I promise that you’re much more likely to look back and regret being petty than to regret not having been petty enough.
livinggrayarea wrote:
NTA. I agree, one of them could’ve stayed. When someone goes into labor, especially if the have a SO, you’re not going to be able to go and see them while they are giving birth. You are gonna sit in the waiting room. Even if sitting in the waiting room isn’t the case, they still have the support you need and they could’ve waited an hour to go up there.
Someone said that the birth of a grandchild is more important than graduating...honestly I feel that’s a very subjective take. Giving birth to your first is a huge milestone in that stage of your life, just like graduating is a huge milestone in OP’s phase of life.
OP I understand your frustration, but really consider is this truly the “hill” you want to stay on? Your parents messed up, but maybe they might start to understand your frustrations. Consider problem solving this with them, identify what you need to move on from this and see if they will help you with that. Also congratulations on this accomplishment!