'AITA for not also babysitting my brother’s friend’s kids while on vacation?'

"AITA for not also babysitting my brother’s friend’s kids while on vacation?"

I(F21) recently went on vacation with my brother(M34), his family, friends and a few of their siblings. A lot of us grew up together so vacations like this weren’t uncommon, but this is the first one where everyone’s kids were also coming along.

My brother offered to pay for my whole vacation rather than the half he usually paid if I was willing to help with the kids(M7 & F4) for a day or 2 so he and his wife, Rose, could get some alone time. I agreed since they’re good kids and I help out anytime I’m in the vicinity anyways as it’s not uncommon for our culture.

On the first night’s dinner, one of my brother’s friend’s girlfriends, Ally, made an offhand comment about my brother having a vacation nanny while she was fussing with her kid while I was talking to Rose about their plans tomorrow when she mentioned the kids just staying the night in my room so that they didn’t have to wake us up early to leave for their appointment.

I agreed since I was watching them tonight anyways.

I assume the problem started there since Ally showed up at my door after dinner trying to drop her kid off. I was fine with until she told him she would be seeing him tomorrow and conversation after went like this:

Me: I don’t mind him being here for a few hours but he can’t spend the night.

Her: But they’re spending the night?

Me: Yes.

Her: So why can’t he?

Me: Well there’s no room for him and they’re my brother’s kids and they're used to spending the night with me.

We went back and forth a few times, eventually I just refused overall and apologized to the kid. I’ve been told a few stories and Ally is the type to just leave her kid anyways, regardless of the conversation and I didn’t feel like tracking her down later.

While we were at the pool a few days later, I took the kids to the resort cafe for ice cream and offered to take the other kids, a few of the parents said no and some of them gave me a weird look so I asked my friend about it.

Apparently at the breakfast the second day, Ally complained about what I did, and a few of them took her side. Later that night at dinner, a wife of my brother’s friend asked if I could watch her kid tonight so they could go somewhere and I said no, explaining that my niece and nephew were with their parents tonight so the younger siblings were all going out.

She mentioned that since I was willing to take them earlier for ice cream and since they said no, I “owe” them, said “it’s not that big of a deal” and I “can go tomorrow instead”, I just said “Sorry, I can’t.” and left it there. There were similar situations and eventually my brother stepped in to say that he paid for my vacation which is why I took a few days to help him.

I said they could chip in if they wanted my help but I talked to my mom and a few of my friends, and they pointed out that my brother actually got to enjoy his vacation unlike the others and I could’ve taken or offered to take the other kids when I was watching my Niece and Nephew.

The internet had OP's back all the way.

Peony-Pony wrote:

NTA Your brother invited you to go on vacation with his family. He agreed to pay half in exchange for some child care for his children. Your brother and sister in law's friends tried to take advantage of you by asking you to watch their children too.

Watching other children was not part of the deal you made with your brother. At least your brother stepped in and put an end to it. The audacity of people never fails to astound me.

OP responded:

From what I’ve heard a few of them are still upset and that's why I posted this, I was raised on community which try to stick by but I didn’t know a lot of the people or kids those trip either so I thought I was justified until I was reminded they’re still my brother’s friends.

LouisV25 wrote:

NTA. Your Mom is 100% wrong. Your brother made a deal that benefited him and you. The others were freeloaders that didn’t have the decency to ask you to watch their kids in advance. I’m proud of you for standing your ground. Never let people take advantage of you.

OP responded:

Thank you for this, I needed that.

Salty-Initiative-242 wrote:

NTA the other parents could very easily have switched off watching the kids. They could have looked into local baby sitting services or drop in daycares. They could have brought their own sibling/nannies. THEIR lack of planning is not YOUR fault. You were essentially paid to watch 2 kids you know well for a few days, not multiples that you don't know for free.

OP responded:

A few of the siblings did come and some of us watched a few the kids together once or twice through the days but it was 4 of us with 5-6 kids and there were around 13 kids under the age of 10 total which is why I felt like the asshole at the end when I looked at it. I think the biggest issue of the trip was they all wanted to go to the river as a group.

bookishmama_76 wrote:

When we vacation with friends we always help each other out. One night we will watch the kids so they can go out. Then they will watch the kids for us. And then the guys will watch the kids so the girls can go out, etc.

NTA - your brother paid for your vacation so you watched his kids a few times. You have zero obligation to watch anyone else’s kids. Especially for free. Plus it is a vacation for you! It’s not just you being a nanny for the trip.

OP responded:

It felt like a lot of the others weren’t prepared, 4-5 of us younger siblings went and even watched our siblings kids together once or twice but there was roughly 13 kids under the age of 10, a few we didn’t even know and some of the parents were upset because they had to go in early to put their kids to bed, etc. and none of them wanted to watch more than 2-3 kids alone.

celticmusebooks wrote:

NTA and kudos to your brother for having your back against the entitled moochers. Shame on your mom for favoring the "moochers" over her own daughter. Does she do that a lot? Was your mom on the trip? If so why didn't SHE step up and babysit for the moochers? Also SHAME on your brother's friends for treating you like a paid employee when they didn't pay you.

OP responded:

She does do it often in other situations as well, having to give away something in my room because a kid visited and wanted it etc. but I moved out at 18 and in with my brother until this year as to not have to deal with it. She wasn’t on the trip.

He has friends with younger siblings my age, only a few of us younger siblings went as the rest had classes, a few of his friends and their families. There were some I didn’t know very well who joined and they were the main ones that had a problem with me.

chuckinhoutex wrote:

NTA- And I would just say to each of the entitled parents. I am not your nanny. I am not a babysitter for hire. I have a relationship with my brother where I watch his kids sometimes. If you didn't want your kids on vacation, you shouldn't have brought them, do not blame me- I am not here for that.

OP responded:

My brother explained to them at one point that he paid for my whole trip in exchange for me helping with his kids and watching them myself only one or two days out of the trip, and even offered for them to chip in for me to help if I was okay with it and that made them even more upset.