'AITA for not changing my son's lifestyle and future plans for my ex's new children?'

"AITAH for not changing my son's lifestyle and future plans for ex's new children?"

We were married for two years and have a son who is 16 m now. He cheated on me and we got divorced. He had an affair baby son who is 13m, daughter 12 F, 10M. I decided not to marry and even though I am in relationship with someone. Our plan is to get married when both of our children get to college.

And I focused on my son's well being. He goes to father house one week a month. He pays me child support and I put it in savings for my son's future, which has resulted in big figure for his future studies. My parents were huge support and tragically they passed away and I inherited one of their property which is my home now.

Another one next to mine, went to my sister. So I don't have any mortgage. I inherited shops, which I rent out and I am running a high end small bakery business which is successful and have ten people as staff. My son goes to a good private school. My ex and his wife's kids go to good school too, but not on level of my son's and they tried to change my son's school behind my back.

I had to take court orders to stop it. They also prepare children for foreign education. Thing is they are middle class. They can't afford foreign vacations which I take every year with my son. My son wants to study in usa and we are preparing for his future . I know only I have to pay for all expenses. And I have saved lot for that, by sacrificing many things in life.

My son gets expensive gadgets from me, his aunt and many expensive things. He got an expensive super bike from me on his 16th birthday . Which pissed his dad off because they can't do same for their children. He is very responsible driver. That's why I bought it. He also doesn't baby sit his half siblings, the thing which his dad tried. Nor he takes them anywhere.

He has his group of friends which includes my niece and other classmates. She is one year older but they are classmates. They tired to keep gifts at my home, but my son said he wanted same things at their house and court asked dad to not intervene with his things and so he can keep it at their house too. He shared things with them. But half sibs damaged his things. After that he stopped sharing.

My ex and his affair partner wife tried to make me get in their children's lives and I refused. My son call them half siblings only, which piss them off. They asked me to get into it. I refused. I don't badmouth affair babies, but it's not my duty to build relationship between the kids at his father's house. But I don't say bad words for them and keep it inside. It is up to my son if he wants them in life or not.

I am not going extra mile to build his relationship with his half's from his cheating dad's life. They also demand expensive gifts from me for their children and take them on vacations . Which I don't. I don't gift them gifts from my son and any gift they want, their father do it. I don't talk to those kids and they will never be allowed in my home. My son take them out on birthdays, for which I pay.

Ex asked me not to be petty but I don't care. They are reminder of my failed marriage and I don't care if they are innocent. They are still affair babies to me. My son has one year older cousin sister who is also only child of my sister and they grew up together at my parent's house and their bond is like real sibling. Which pissed my ex off. As he calls her his real sister.

Not his children. The two kids bonded like real siblings and it is quite satisfying because if anything happens to me and my sister, they will be there for each other. Now he is saying that his son shouldn't go to usa and study at good colleges locally, because he won't be able to send other three children. He said other children already resent him for better lifestyle

I said that's not happening and he can't decide things for my son. My son fought his dad when he found out and he isn't talking to him. Dad asked him to drop his plans. I didn't badmouth him. He and his affair wife are bashing me and i abused them back. They said I am a bitter ex. And I said he is cheating scumbag and she is a glorified bed warmer. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Safe_Perspective9633 wrote:

I was dying laughing "affair wife", "affair babies", "glorified bed warmer"... I was a little disappointed in "cheating scumbag." It doesn't hit the mark for me.

Dude sees the life he could have had if he hadn't cheated and he is PISSED! Too bad, so sad.

OP responded:

I think god saved me from his gold digging ways. He was controlling. He didn't allow me wear short dresses. Didn't allow to talk to men etc.

HyacinthBliss wrote:

NTA. Why should your son compromise his dreams just because his dad didn’t plan better? You’re not responsible for the choices your ex made after you two split. Keep doing you and supporting your son’s future.

normal_grand_4702 wrote:

NTA. You're only responsible for your own son and you can do anything with him as long as both you and your son are happy and healthy. Your ex and his wife should have thought about their responsibility, affordability and ability before having so many kids. It amazes me that they expect you to be responsible for their kids.

qegovapo wrote:

No, you’re not TA. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to ensure your son has the best opportunities for his future, and you’re not obligated to change your plans or priorities for your ex’s new family. You’ve worked hard to secure your son’s future, and it’s clear you’re focused on his well-being, which is your responsibility as his parent.

Your ex and his new family trying to dictate your son’s lifestyle or involvement with their children crosses boundaries, and it’s understandable that you’re not going out of your way to build relationships with his affair children. You’re not wrong for wanting to protect your son and his future, especially when it comes to matters like his education and lifestyle.

It’s not your fault that his father can’t afford the same things or provide the same opportunities. You’re doing what’s best for your son, and it’s okay to set clear boundaries with your ex. Your son’s future should come first, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job of making sure he’s taken care of.