'AITA for not chipping in for my friend’s Uber after he felt uncomfortable sleeping at my place?'
"AITA for not chipping in for my friend’s Uber after he felt uncomfortable sleeping at my place?"
I (26m) have been friends with Josh (26m) since college. We were basically inseparable then, but only stayed in touch intermittently since graduation. Recently he moved to NYC (where I live), and we have been hanging out like old times. Josh mainly comes near me because there's some bars we like to go to there.
I've offered to go to his neighborhood (he lives in a different borough), but he says there's no fun places there. The only issue is he has to leave pretty early because the trains get wonky at night and Ubers are expensive. I've offered to let him crash, but he says he didn't want to be a burden. Anyway last Saturday Josh wanted to stay out and asked if he could crash.
I told him of course. We went back to my studio (he knew it was a studio) and he asked if I had any pajamas he could borrow. I told him no because 1. I genuinely own no pajamas and 2. I have some sweatpants but I'm weird about people wearing my clothes.
Can't explain why just am. A germ thing. Anyway I suggest to Josh he just sleep in his boxers and he got annoyed. He said he wouldn't have stayed if he had known I'd be so accommodating and I said all I offered him was a couch to crash on. He ubered home and it was about 100 dollars.
The next day he Venmo requests me 30 and says it's because he would've gone home earlier if he known I was going to be "weird." I denied the request and then when I tried to follow up on some previously made plans he's been distant and has apparently trash talked me to a mutual friend. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts to share in response.
totesnotfakeusername wrote:
NTA but kind of think it's weird you wouldn't loan your apparently "inseparable buddy" a pair of joggers. Clothes are made to be washed, matey. Just my 2 cents.
OP responded:
I have OCD and I get very paranoid about very specific germ “chains” I like to call them. If this touched this then the germs get here and then here and so on. I know it’s not how science and germs work, but I can’t get it out of my head and I don’t like to give up the control over where my clothes have been.
The only reason I’m fine with him on my couch is that I consider that sitting for “outside” clothes while my bed is for inside clothes.
jlkh8 wrote:
If you are worried about ‘germ chains’. Then bars should be the last place you are going. Germ city.
OP responded:
I’m not saying it makes sense. I have my own personal hang ups, I’m in therapy.
kipsterdude wrote:
NTA. He could have just...slept in his clothes?
OP responded:
To be fair he had pretty tight jeans so not sure how comfortable that would’ve been.
Illegitimitch wrote:
If he knew he was crashing, why didn't he bring a backpack with some clothes in it like every other human on earth? NTA.
OP responded:
He didn’t know ahead of time.
flecktonesfan wrote:
NTA. You offered him a couch under a roof and provided him with one. He opted not to use it - that's on him. I have never in my life expected someone providing me a bed for the night to also provide sleepwear. THAT'S the weird part here. He's the one who made it weird, not you.
celaba wrote:
INFO: Are you gay and he's not? Is he trying to act like you're hitting on him?
I mean, either way you'd be N T A, but this is the only thing that makes sense in my mind.
thanavyn wrote:
INFO: have you talked with him about any of this? At the end you just said you denied his Venmo request and moved onto asking about prior-made plans. I can’t tell if he actually understands why you didn’t want him wearing your clothes or why you told him to sleep in his underwear. I’m on your side, but did you deny his request and then act like nothing had happened? Cuz that would annoy me too.
OP responded:
Okay to be fair I 100% did the denying and then acting like nothing happened,, so I can definitely see your point. That’s on me.
gorillaboy75 wrote:
ESH. I don't understand how you could've been basically inseparable during college and he does not know that you have clothes germs OCD? I cannot believe how many people in these responses are acting like asking a good friend to loan you a pair of sweatpants is such an egregious offense.
Especially, since you offered him your place to crash. (Crashing implies the guest isn't bringing supplies, and offering for someone to crash means you're going to hook them up while they're there.)
Sweat pants are washable on a sanitize cycle. OCD or not, you acted rude. By not loaning the sweatpants and explaining why, you basically told your friend he's dirty and gross and you don't want him wearing your clothes. I'd be crushed if my "good friend" treated me like you treated him.
It seems so selfish and not very accommodating. Even if you have OCD, it still comes off that way to the non-OCD people out there. Just seems like you offered to host and then didn't really mean it. I'm not saying that a host should be handing out their wardrobe to every Tom, Dick, and Harry out in the world, but borrowing a pair of sweatpants for six hours so a brother can sleep comfortably?
He didn't ask some crazy favor that everyone should be freaking out about, it was a reasonable request. Especially if a good friend. On the other hand, he should not have charged any amount you for his ride home. You're adults, he needs to pay his own way. ESH all the way.
curlihairedbaby wrote:
I mean it's not like he's asking for a luxury hotel resort experience at your house. Bro offered to borrow a pair of pjs just so that he could be more comfortable. You couldn't have thrown bro some sweats or something? He was probably under the impression that his "friend" would care about his comfort.
I definitely understand why he went home. I would have helped him get home if he wasn't comfortable with my house because well, we're friends and friends help each other. I also would have just given him some sweats. But I keep forgetting and today's society, the bar for friendship is in hell.
You're allowed to be a shitty friend and he's allowed to be distant because of it. No one's entitled to anything but it probably made him think about the type of person he wants in his life. He probably didn't even "trash talk" you. He wouldn't have had to. He probably just told the truth about what happened.