'AITA for not eating food made for me on a date because I’m picky?'
"AITA for not eating food made for me on a date because I’m picky?"
I (24F) am a single mum of an 8-year-old. I was in a bad relationship as a teen, which led to me being pregnant. I haven’t exactly dated since, maybe been out on a few dates. My daughter has a condition called ARFID. It means she has a very restricted diet, and it is very much connected to her ASD. I don’t force her to eat certain things that are her “unsafe foods.”
Since her diagnosis, I’ve been quite sure I might have it too, but I cook for us both and am self-sufficient, so it doesn’t bother me day to day enough to think about it.
Anyway, about a month ago I went on a date, to which we went out to dinner, and it was amazing. He was so open to meeting my daughter in the future and being a family man. I only do serious relationships, so yes this is stuff that was discussed on the first date lol.
The second date was a week ago. I went over to his place (not for anything weird, just to watch a movie.) He then made dinner. Don’t get me wrong, it looked amazing, but I felt awful telling him I actually couldn’t eat it. Usually if something is an unsafe food for me (such as melted cheese, vinegar) I’ll still choke it down to be polite, and just vomit and cry later.
But he had put my one hard no in there. Mayo. I hate it, but more importantly I’m actually just allergic to eggs. Pretty severely. He knew this, as I told him on the first date. He was cool with this on the date. Once he gave me the food, I apologised so much, but I couldn’t eat it. He replied with, “Once we get you past this mayo thing -my daughter’s name- can get over her crap too.”
I was pretty mad about that comment, and snapped back that i’m not eating his gross food and to not talk about my daughter like that. He apologised instantly, saying that’s not what he meant and that it was a stupidly rude joke. I said I was sorry for calling his food gross, it actually looked really good. We ordered some Maccas and I went home soon after. He seemed okay.
About an hour later, I texted him that I had a lot of fun and sorry about the situation. He said “It’s fine, just didn’t have to be such a dick about it.” I was confused, we went home happy. I apologised some more, and he brought back up me saying it was gross and refusing to eat it.
He was completely ignoring the allergy part of it and saying “You really need to get over this, Cass. It’s childish and it’s not the way you raise a kid.” things like that. I know being picky is annoying, but I don’t feel like I did anything too wrong. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the dynamic.
mphflame wrote:
NTA. STOP APOLOGIZING TO HIM. He's the AH. You have an allergy to eggs. That's not something to mess with. He then put you AND your daughter down. This is NOT the man for you. This man disregarded your allergy and thinks he can fix you AND your daughter by forcing you to eat stuff you can't. Dump him and find yourself someone who will respect your allergy and her sensory condition.
ESH and this does not sound like a reliable narrator. There are also a lot of commenters inserting things that weren’t included in the OP.
Your “one hard no” should not be one of the MANY foods that contains an ingredient to which you are allergic. If that’s how you’re phrasing it, and including other unsafe foods that are not allergens for you, you really shouldn’t be surprised when people think it’s a preference and not a legitimate food allergy.
I have a kid with an egg allergy and come across people who don’t realize real mayo contains eggs ALL the time. These aren’t people who are trying to trick my kid into eating something that will cause an allergic reaction; they just don’t realize until I or my child point it out to them.
Saying “I can’t eat that because mayo is my ‘one hard no’” is so different from “I’m sorry I can’t eat that because I’m allergic to eggs.” Which one did you tell him?
Smart-Marionberry1 OP responded:
reading this back I wrote it out as an absolute mess. Basically, I told him both. I didn’t know I was allergic to egg my whole life. Since it’s in everything, I was just sick a lot with no explanation. Before I found out, mayo was my absolutely not food. I told him while we were talking that I hated mayo.
Then I specified that I was allergic to eggs later. My hatred for mayo and my allergy to eggs are technically the same thing, I just should’ve been clearer because i make them seem different a lot. When it came to eating the food at the time, I didn’t say I hated mayo or I was allergic.
I said something like “You know I can’t eat this”. Later in that conversation I brought up the allergy because I felt he wasn’t listening. After I felt not listened to about that either, I said I hated mayo. So both, kind of?
Ok_Expression2273 wrote:
NTA. He’s not the one. Based on his attitude and what he said and how he acted, he’s the type to not believe allergies are real. Food will continue to be an issue with him. He’s already proven he’s close minded about legitimate disorders and food allergies, and has been rude, condescending and judgmental.
He’s not going to magically grow up and become a considerate and understanding partner.
Please don’t subject your child to his attitude. He seems like the type to “forget” your allergies and sneak ingredients in to “test” you. He’s not a safe person.
Shadow5825 wrote:
NTA but why are you still in contact with this guy? ??? If this relationship progresses, once you snd your child are living with him, he will start starving your daughter in an effort to force her to eat foods she can't. The mask has slipped. Thank your lucky stars it happened on the second date. He's already told you who he is, believe him.
Jumpy_Succotash_41 wrote:
The issue here for me isn't the food itself or that you didn't eat it. It's that this guy seems hell bent on making you and your daughter eat stuff that you don't want to. What else will he want to make you do? He sounds controlling and he definitely gaslit you the next day. I really hope you don't have a 3rd date with this clown. NTA.
JPenelope wrote:
NTA. He made you food you’re allergic to and then gave you a hard time about you not eating it. He also insulted you and your daughter.
I mean, I also get frustrated preparing food to accommodate extreme pickiness, but medical conditions and allergies are a whole separate thing. I’m sure you’ve already looked into it but if you’re able to get treatment for you or your daughter for ARFID it’s probably not a bad idea.